I did a lot of things as a child – some are noteworthy and deserve mentioning in other circumstances and some I’m not so proud of, so I won’t drag myself through the mud. I did make amends for those things that were not becoming of a young lady, and I’m sure I learned from my mistakes because they were never repeated.
As much as I think I learned from those errs in judgement, I did not truly understand the consequences of those fateful actions until I was much older and reflecting on my youthful days. The mirror has become a time portal, and as I gaze at my reflection, I see a much younger version of myself. One that was naive, one that thought she got it, but she was so far from “it” that she could never comprehend that distance. It’s like the old adage “if I knew then what I know now”. But if that were the case, I probably never would have made the mistakes in the first place to teach me the lesson that I would come to comprehend so much later in my older, and much wiser years.
Time is a fickle mistress. She has a way of seeping into our conscious realm when we least expect her. She inadvertently brings up memories from our long-buried past to insinuate a lesson that we may have overlooked. I can say from personal experience that there are many things I may have “learned” as a child, even as a young adult, but the learning portion was a mere drop in the bucket compared to what I truly gained from the comprehension of the true meaning of that lesson as I got older.
There are certainly things I would tell the younger version of myself if I could go back in time, but for the most part, I would live that life again because it shaped the person I am today, flaws and all. Those misgivings I had as a child, the uncertainty of who I was, led me to make mistakes. There was a fine line between being good and being bad and for a while I hung on the precipice, unsure of which force was stronger, which power would pull me in.
Looking back at those moments now that I am beyond that cataclysmic time in my pubescent life, I can truly understand how those moments burrowed their way into my brain. They were stored until the moment I could truly appreciate the lesson that was entrusted to the vault in my memory, and now I get it. What I may have learned in those formidable years, I can truly understand now and appreciate the message.
If you could go back in time, would you change anything? And what would you tell that impressionable version of your younger self?