Find me in the middle of nowhere

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My heart is here.

This could be my absolute happiness.

The day I find it will be true bliss.

the middle of nowhere

The land will curl around me for miles,

and the noise of reality will be non-existent.

The only sounds I will hear

are the crackling of the fire,

and the sound of the night

putting the day to bed.

 The crickets will sing their rhythms

in that four-part harmony

that hushes the night into sleep,

and the dawn will paint a new day.

My heart is here.

And with it lies my soul,

and my true passion.

For life breeds love,

and my love lies here,

surrounded by nature,

soothed by its song.

I will love you until…..

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I’ve been thinking about my mom a lot lately.  Her heart was certainly bigger than her chest and she would continually think of little things to do for people just to see them smile.   She would spend weeks leading up to Christmas baking until she could bake no more.  Her house forever had the essence of cookies and squares and the Christmas tins were piled high on her dining room table.

Her favorite day was not Christmas day but the day that she would drive, or later be driven, to all of the places where she would deliver her wares.  The local Hardware store, the post office and the local veterinarians would excitedly open the tins to see their favorite type of cookie and their reaction was the only present she truly wanted.

My mom was the type of person who would learn those little things about you and she would make sure your favorite cookies made their way to you during the holidays.

yellow rose

I was reminded of this wonderful quality when I was rearranging some things in my kitchen.  There in the midst of my jar of utensils was a lone yellow rose.  I had long forgotten the bouquet of flowers my mother had given me for no reason.  Attached to the fragrant arrangement was a simple card that read, “I will love you until the last flower dies”.  I thought it was an odd message until I saw the flower in the middle of the bunch.  It was a lovely yellow rose, but it was artificial.  It would never die.

That was my mom.  And those little nuances that made her who she was are the things I miss the most.  Some days I’m fine, a phrase we are really no longer allowed to use in my family, and some days, like today, the emotion sneaks up on me and I cannot control the flow of tears.

But it is not just the rose that reminds me that she will always be with me.  My mom is somehow still able to pull strings and make wonderful things happen in our lives that we never expected.  And it is these things, the things that only my mom would know, that make the gesture so special and so meaningful.

To say I miss her is a gross understatement and I hope she knows I will be holding that same yellow rose when we finally meet again.

 

 

 

 

 

The “Dobler” Effect

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“I don’t want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don’t want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don’t want to do that.” ~ Lloyd Dobler

Lloyd Dobler

(image credit)

I stumbled across a blog a while ago that was singing the praises of the movie “Say Anything”.   This 1989 classic has always been one of my favorite movies.  John Cusack as Lloyd Dobler was one of the most epic male movie roles of my generation.  He was a guy every guy could relate to and most girls wanted to date.

Lloyd isn’t the macho, overly muscled guy oozing with too much bravado and too little sense.  He doesn’t say things just because he thinks you want to hear them.  What he does say is anything that comes into his mind.  Girls watching him on the big screen fell in love with that charming albeit occasionally clumsy quality (see above quote about what he wants to do for a career).  But in his clumsiness, he stole the hearts of many girls, including me.

There are not many movie characters who have story lines written for them without them having some egregious character flaw to make them interesting.  Lloyd Dobler is one of those few who didn’t need the flaws.  What made him interesting was how wonderfully normal he was.   In 1989 we all wanted to find our own Lloyd Dobler.   I’m still looking for mine.

The best part of waking up…

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I woke up on the right side of the bed today.   I am generally a happy person and most days wake up that way but today the sun seemed to be shining a little brighter, my smile was a little bigger and the morning seemed to hold the promise of a great day ahead.

The best part of waking up, contrary to a catchy tune about Folgers Coffee, is just waking up.  The thought of a new day, a new story in my head or just a new experience is enough to make putting  my feet on the cold floor worthwhile.

sunrise

(image credit)

Perhaps it is the precious extra moments of daylight we have each day or perhaps I woke from a great dream of which I have no recollection.  Regardless of the cause, I will embrace this euphoric state and enjoy my day.

What is making you smile today?

 

Nineteen going on romantic

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I was having a conversation with a girlfriend about our first really memorable kiss (not together) and I remembered I had written this blog post last year.  I love this memory from my teenage years, so, since it is Throw Back Thursday,  I’m sharing it again.

~~

He held my hand during the movie.  It was sweet.  When he thought nobody would notice he leaned in for a kiss.  It was tentative at first, his lips slowly grazing the flesh of my cheek, but it drew my blood to the surface of my skin and I blushed in the dark.  His face nuzzled my neck and he kissed the skin below my ear.   The movie reel continued, scenes flashed before my eyes and the surround sound echoed throughout the theatre but I became lost in his touch and forgot the movie even existed.

I was 17 and my experience kissing boys was awkward at best.  Teenage boys were a kaleidoscopic combination of raging hormones and wandering hands and I didn’t expect this night to be any different.  I was well versed in a strategic line of defense when it came to thwarting enemy advances but tonight was different.  There were no ill-timed gropes and no need for the tactical measures that I had been prepared to use.

I turned my face to meet him and his lips found mine.  The kiss was soft with a hint of controlled yearning.  His mouth moved from my lips and he kissed both of my eyelids, knowing full well I was squeezing them shut to savor the feel of his mouth on mine.  He kissed the tip of my nose and, after a slight pause, our lips found each others once again.  Where I had expected urgency, there was tenderness.  Where I had expected roving hands on my body, there was only a gentle caress of his thumb on my hand.

19

I was afraid to lose myself in his kiss.  I was waiting for the stampede of teenage male hormones to ruin the moment and I had braced myself for the inevitability of something so sweet turning into something so uncomfortable.  But that moment never happened.  His kiss was his power.  He didn’t listen to the teenage voices in his head telling him to get to second base.  He just seemed to feed off of the energy that was created in the intimacy of a kiss.

His other hand gently cupped my cheek and he pulled me back to his mouth.  It was exhilarating.  I no longer felt the need for my defenses and I let myself get utterly lost in that moment.  In the maturity and wisdom of his 19 years, he got it.  He understood the magic of romance and how to build a moment into a memory.

That moment from so many years ago is still etched into my memory and the power of a genuinely passionate kiss will always differentiate romance and sex.  May we all love deeply and kiss intentionally.

Do you remember the first great kiss you ever had?

Growth

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Germinating beans

Growth is not just about sprouting.

Growth is learning about your surroundings

and how to thrive,

how to become a bigger, better version of yourself.

Nourish yourself,

grow to your full potential,

but every now and then,

allow yourself to look back at where you came from.

The risk of not growing is more painful

than the risk of being constricted by what you once were.

~~

Written for the Grammar Ghoul challenge.  For this short week, we’re going to ask you for exactly 66 words of micro-fiction or poetry. And we’re only going to give you one prompt, an image, which you’ll find below (above). Your job is to give us a micro story or a poem inspired by the photo.

gg-wkbadge-e1411321572196

 

 

 

 

Sometimes you just need to look backwards

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reflection quote

“A lake that is noisy cannot reflect anything”

- Robert Adams

~~

I like to spend time reflecting.  I don’t dwell on the past but I do visit from time to time so I can take a moment to appreciate the lessons I have been taught along the way.  I am a different person from the one I was masquerading as many years ago.   And yesterday, the serenity of my day off provided me with ample moments to look back and plenty of time to plan my journey forward based on where I am in my present.

My lake was quiet today.  It afforded me a few precious moments to realize that if I hadn’t experience failure, I wouldn’t have learned to appreciate success.  If I hadn’t lost pieces of myself along the way, I would never have been able to have found the real me and respect who I truly am.

Looking backwards may seem like a waste of time but that personal reflection will remind you of where you came from and make you acknowledge where and who you are today.