I remember the word covet securely fastening itself in my brain after I watched The Silence Of The Lambs. I had always admired the word as part of the English language but never truly gave it the power it so richly deserved. For having a mere five letters, the word yields much more of an impact than meets the eye. With the pun intended in that last sentence, I began to realize how it easy it could be to covet something that was so far removed from my reality, yet so much of a presence in my daily thoughts. I could always see what it was that I wanted.
Signs and portents of the things we covet will surely present themselves in a myriad of ways and those glowing neon reminders will only serve to keep that item at the forefront of our brains. Though we may not have access to the object of our attention on a daily basis, the wish plants a small seed in our brain that sprouts and grows every time we give it a moment of thought. That lingering speculation permeates the moments of our day and the spark of what could be fuels the evolution of our fascination.
By giving ourselves permission to covet, we allow ourselves the opportunity to keep our desires alive, to live with passion. And, even if those dreams never come to fruition, we were privately granted the right to give that fantasy a breath of life, if only for a few fleeting moments. There is no legitimate way of telling our heart it was wrong. It will beat the way it wants to beat and we are powerless to its incessant drumming.
I am intimidated by the fear of not following my desires, of never having opened the door to possibility and thus never being able to define what is truly important to me. Coveting those things, identifying the wants that truly envelop me but knowing they may be the things that I can never have, affects my world on a scale beyond my comprehension. But those impervious wants, those things I covet, allow me to begin to sketch the blueprints of what it is that I truly desire. The idea that I may eventually attain those things satiates my thirsts and attempts to quench that desire.
To covet is to wish. To wish is to dream. To dream is to live.
“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” ~ Lao Tzu
I have been so consumed by my job lately that I have begun to redefine myself by my career and not by the person who is performing that job. I give up small parts of myself to become a larger piece of the work puzzle and, although I thoroughly enjoy my job and the people I interact with on a daily basis, I lose sight of the potential success of my personal goals.
I saw this quote and the cogs in the wheels of my creativity began to align and click into perfect place. By allowing myself to become what I might be, I give myself permission to become all of the things I wish for myself. Work is a means to pay the bills but work will never be the summit of the mountain of my possibility.
Each day I write this blog, each day I allow the words to flow from my brain, is a day I step closer to what I might be. There is a part of me still lurking in the shadows. There is a creative mind waiting for the moment that reality does not quell its desire. When I finally am able to truly let go of what I am, that creative mind will become what it should be.
I lose time. I don’t mean I have dissociative fugues and the inability to recall past events. Time simply rushes by me at such a fast pace that I seem to lose little pieces of myself along the way, pieces caught in the vortex of the life I am living that is whirling by at a great speed.
Those missing bits seem to fragment during my busy work days and I don’t always recognize their absence until I inch closer to my day off. I feel like a part of me has been eclipsed, hidden in a shadow, waiting to be rediscovered.
Today I had the benefit of finding some of those remnants of myself and putting them back where they belong. Today I came home from work, knowing that tomorrow is a day free from structure, and allowed myself that moment to finally relax and let those misplaced segments of my life re-establish themselves. Today I put my feet into the wading pool, bought for my dog, and let the water wash away the lingering moments of my work day. Today I put together the puzzle that is me with the pieces I had lost during the week. Today I made myself feel like the garden AND the rose.
It is important to take that quiet moment to collect all of the pieces of ourselves that are essential to us and recreate the whole picture of ourselves. Segments of us will get lost along the way but the significant substance of who we are will always find its way back. And in the moments that I was gathering the scraps of me that I had left behind, I came across this picture and it all made sense.
Knowing the fall-out I may face, I’ll admit it – I miss the fall and winter nights but only because I miss the time I had to write and to read blogs. The summer months are unforgiving when it comes to spare time. I miss the words that used to come so easily and I miss being able to read the words of those I follow.
My imagination used to be ready and waiting as soon as I sat in front of the laptop but recently my muse has been accused of taking vacation and enjoying the summer weather along with the many guests at the resort where I work. The time I used to have to read the many blogs I follow seems to be non-existent and the pond of creativity I had the benefit of floating on is now a dry well of sand and I am stuck making angels in the dust.
But in those moments of creative drought, I have the good fortune of interacting with many smiling faces so all happiness is not lost. The forecast for my upcoming day off looks promising for a day on the couch, laptop in position and hopefully a few creative thoughts will drop like the rain that is supposed to fall on Monday.
In May of 2014, I bought a young Birch tree and planted it in my mom’s memory. The tree is just outside of my living room window and, recently, my brother, sister-in-law and my nephews came over to place the river rocks around the tree that we collected at her celebration of life. Each rock contains a word or two that was written by friends and family to share their memories of our mom.
I have been faithfully watering the tree each day and trying to make sure it thrives in its new home. Last year I had noticed some of the leaves were beginning to yellow. Upon closer examination, I also discovered the tree had become home to a bug that I have never seen before and this particular creature loves to devour the greenery and skeletonize the foliage. Had these pests been named John, Paul, George or Ringo I may have been a little more forgiving, but these Japanese Beetles waged a war that I had sworn to win.
(image credit: walterspropertyservices.com)
I diligently tended to my tree at least three times a day to pick these creatures off, one by one, to rid the poor tree of this unnecessary destruction. Google and the garden center staff seemed to agree that this is the most effective way to eradicate these pesky bugs. I only hoped that I could put an end to them before they put an end to my tree.
My tree blossomed beautifully again this spring but the creatures are back with a vengeance. If anyone is going to Japan in the near future, save some room in your luggage. I would love to send these iridescent insects packing!!
I am not wealthy, but I feel rich. I don’t have a large collection of belongings, but I live in abundance because I choose to define my prosperity in the most basic of ways. I choose to perceive my success in the reflection of the people in my life and I don’t measure that success by any other standards but my own. My richness cannot be seen, only felt. The wealth I have is in the things that I hold dear to my heart and, for that reason, I will never be poor.
I have love in my life, so I will never be without emotion. I have friends in my life, so I will never be without laughter. I have the gift of creativity in my head, so I will never feel alone. I am bathed in the glow of the sun, so I will always be warm. And I live as my most honest self so I will never be afraid. My abundance is overflowing.
True success should only be defined at the end of your emotional journey and not in the possessions you collect along the way. Your greatest wealth lies in the eyes of your partner or your children. Your greatest strength lies in the arms of your family and friends. And your only obstacle is the limit you give your imagination.
I live well because I am rich. My stocks are in my family, my bonds are in my friendships and my gold is in my truth. My richness collects interest with each day that passes because I have people in my life that support me and challenge me. I have discovered new friends that inspire me and that feeling of worth pays me dividends that mean far more to me than monetary wealth ever could. I am living in abundance and I have more than I ever dreamed possible.