Getting back my sense of self

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For the first time in a long time I walked through my house tonight and found I was smiling.  I wasn’t reliving a memory or anticipating an upcoming event, I was just….happy.

I hadn’t realized how much of my happiness had been consumed by reality until the corners of my lips were turned upright for no particular reason.  After all the tension I have experienced over the last couple of months, I was sure those muscles had atrophied and would require intense physiotherapy to get the full range of motion to return.  The degeneration of joy was paralyzing.

But I am once again finding beauty in my surroundings because stress no longer abrades my senses.  The scent of lilacs permeates my nose as soon as I step outside and the sounds of the creatures of the night soothe me with their harmonic tones.  And after many nights of being unaware of the true depth of my melancholy, I am now able to appreciate their symphony and realize that my true bliss has returned.

My words flow more freely now because they are no longer trapped in a smoldering vat of fermenting unrest.  My brain is at ease and my creativity flows in small streams until it culminates at the mouth of the river.  Those ideas trickle along the banks of my mind.  Each drop of inspiration is collected, it pools and eddies at the precipice until the words spill uncontrollably over the crest of rock and create a waterfall of language and expression.  That waterfall is my release.  That rapid flow of ideas is my heaven.

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(image credit: commons.wikimedia.org)

I have slowly re-acquainted myself with the things that I hold dear.  I have learned to let go of the stress and spend time each day making new memories and not just relying on recollections of my past to satiate my need for happy thoughts.  I have regained my inner compass.  I have reclaimed my sense of self.

Time to digest the past and ingest the future

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The tryptophan is still fresh in my blood stream and thankfully the swelling in my stomach is slowly abating.  With another Christmas celebration successfully under my loosened belt, it’s time to reflect on the past year and look forward to the imminent beginning of a new year.

calendar

This past calendar year was filled with many hurdles.  Within running that footrace and jumping those hurdles, I discovered a well of strength I didn’t know I possessed.  That yet untapped reserve was a shimmering pool of hope and that cleansing water, along with the support of family and friends, helped me find a long-awaited feeling of inner peace.  I was given a promotion at work, enjoyed the many changes in my physical appearance, gained a new self-confidence and found a true sense of freedom after closing the door on an unhealthy marriage.

Within those defining moments, I found myself again.  I rediscovered the happiness that had been suppressed and I delighted in its giddiness as it bubbled back to the surface.  The smile on my face became genuine and no longer felt like a mask.  I began writing this blog and my inner voice had finally found the tool in which to extricate itself from my brain.  I began truly living and not just going through the motions.

Adversity is a learning tool, and I chose to attend every class to absorb each lesson that was taught.  I learned a great deal last year in the school of life and I look forward to carrying that knowledge into the beginning of a new year and another fresh start.

I tend not to make New Year’s resolutions.  I don’t want to limit myself to focusing on a few things, but would rather deal with each day as it presents itself and deal with those days in the most positive way I can.  With the impending arrival of that new calendar year, I am eagerly anticipating a fresh start.  I look forward to caring for old friendships and strengthening new relationships that were developed.  I look forward to continuing to do a job I love and I look forward to listening to the persistent writer’s voice that wakes me from my sleep.

Come on 2013 – I’m ready for you!!

Optimism is contagious

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So, I’ll admit at the beginning of this post that I stole the subject line from a Maxwell House commercial, but it’s an adage that resonates with me.  One of my goals for the year of 2012 was to start every day with a positive attitude.  It’s going to end as well as it began – successfully optimistic.

Optimism-Breeds-Optimism

It’s really not difficult waking content and rising to meet the morning when the light streams through my window and falls on the face of my dog.  She’s happy to see me come back into consciousness and her smile is the first breath of optimism I inhale each morning.  The smell of Hazelnut Vanilla coffee brewing is a vital, but distant second.

Attitudes ARE contagious, and energy can be vicariously passed, as unseen as a spirit moving through the shadows, but the vital force it leaves behind is just as palpable.  It is constantly but invisibly lingering in the air, and the mood you portray is unconsciously absorbed by others.  I know how much a person with a negative energy can affect me and I want to achieve the polar opposite.

Wouldn’t it feel great to know that your optimism and zest for life was contagious and passed unwittingly to the people you interact with on a daily basis?  They may not even realize the source of their newly lifted spirit, but the smile that appears a little wider has the potential to create a ripple effect of great magnitude.

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.  ~Winston Churchill