We accept the love we think we deserve


I love when I have a post idea in my head when I’m drifting off to sleep and it is there, anxiously waiting to burst from my fingertips onto the page the next morning.  Here is the result of my musing and somewhat dream-filled night.

I  watched Oprah on a fairly regular basis.  I, like most women, will admit that wholeheartedly and proudly.  She would delve into a lot of topics that simply resonated with people but they were perhaps too afraid to broach the subject without some cajoling.

Oprah used to talk about the “a-ha moment”.   The moment when the outside world ceased to invade our conscious thought and the epiphany that presented itself was so overwhelming that it struck a giant chord deep within us.  I had my a-ha moment last night watching Anderson Cooper.  Members of the cast of the new movie “The Perks of being a Wallflower” were being interviewed and, at one point during the conversation, one of those cast members mentioned the line his character spoke in the film.  ‘We accept the love we think we deserve.’    That line struck me as so profound and dripping in rich meaning, that it truly made me stop everything I was doing to ponder how that sentence affected me.

For many of us, love comes with terms and conditions.  That is the  way we first experienced love and that is what we have come to accept.  But those terms and conditions, like any contract, can be revoked, altered and enhanced to change the experiences we have in our lives.  We do not need to settle for anything less than the love we crave and the love we truly deserve, not just what we have come to expect.  We are the makers of our own destiny and only we can know if we are being loved the way we truly want to be loved.

(image courtesy of Google)

Even Yoda gets it – there is no try, only do.  If I really think about it the subject line of this post, a very powerful sentence, had been hiding in the recesses of my brain for some time and I left a marriage that was not fulfilling my need to be loved the way I deserve to be loved.  I finally put myself first, for perhaps the first time in my life, and revoked that contract.   I have since rewritten my parameters on how I deserve to be loved, and nothing is going to sway that decision.  There are no exceptions to the rules.  There is no room for discussion.  And the fundamental principle is simple – love me not because you can live with me, but because you can’t live without me.  (Trite, but true)

Each of us is deserving of an all-encompassing love – one that sometimes seems to stifle us because the emotion is so overwhelming, but we could not possibly live our lives without.  It may be your spouse, your children, your friends or your family but regardless of where that feeling comes from, know that you truly deserve to be loved on your terms and not just theirs.   Don’t just accept what is offered – if you think you are worthy of more, demand more.