We accept the love we think we deserve


I love when I have a post idea in my head when I’m drifting off to sleep and it is there, anxiously waiting to burst from my fingertips onto the page the next morning.  Here is the result of my musing and somewhat dream-filled night.

I  watched Oprah on a fairly regular basis.  I, like most women, will admit that wholeheartedly and proudly.  She would delve into a lot of topics that simply resonated with people but they were perhaps too afraid to broach the subject without some cajoling.

Oprah used to talk about the “a-ha moment”.   The moment when the outside world ceased to invade our conscious thought and the epiphany that presented itself was so overwhelming that it struck a giant chord deep within us.  I had my a-ha moment last night watching Anderson Cooper.  Members of the cast of the new movie “The Perks of being a Wallflower” were being interviewed and, at one point during the conversation, one of those cast members mentioned the line his character spoke in the film.  ‘We accept the love we think we deserve.’    That line struck me as so profound and dripping in rich meaning, that it truly made me stop everything I was doing to ponder how that sentence affected me.

For many of us, love comes with terms and conditions.  That is the  way we first experienced love and that is what we have come to accept.  But those terms and conditions, like any contract, can be revoked, altered and enhanced to change the experiences we have in our lives.  We do not need to settle for anything less than the love we crave and the love we truly deserve, not just what we have come to expect.  We are the makers of our own destiny and only we can know if we are being loved the way we truly want to be loved.

(image courtesy of Google)

Even Yoda gets it – there is no try, only do.  If I really think about it the subject line of this post, a very powerful sentence, had been hiding in the recesses of my brain for some time and I left a marriage that was not fulfilling my need to be loved the way I deserve to be loved.  I finally put myself first, for perhaps the first time in my life, and revoked that contract.   I have since rewritten my parameters on how I deserve to be loved, and nothing is going to sway that decision.  There are no exceptions to the rules.  There is no room for discussion.  And the fundamental principle is simple – love me not because you can live with me, but because you can’t live without me.  (Trite, but true)

Each of us is deserving of an all-encompassing love – one that sometimes seems to stifle us because the emotion is so overwhelming, but we could not possibly live our lives without.  It may be your spouse, your children, your friends or your family but regardless of where that feeling comes from, know that you truly deserve to be loved on your terms and not just theirs.   Don’t just accept what is offered – if you think you are worthy of more, demand more.

35 thoughts on “We accept the love we think we deserve

  1. Pefectly stated, now if we would all believe in our selves enough to follow through it would be a “wonderful life” always.

  2. This line is wonderful – “love me not because you can live with me, but because you can’t live without me.” What a beautiful sentiment!

    One of my favorite ‘love’ sayings comes from The Wizard of Oz (strangely enough!). It is “A heart is not judged by how much you love; but by how much you are loved”


  3. I love this post. You said things that I’ve been thinking but hadn’t articulated so well in my mind. I too, left a marriage for these reasons. And, later, I lost a relationship of a lifetime, possibly because she thought I wasn’t the love she deserved. How ironic! I’m glad you shared this.

  4. When someone receives love way beyond what they think they deserve, it’s the most powerful drug, and for good people, makes them strive to be worthy of it.

  5. I love everything about this post! I read Perks of being a Wallflower many many years ago and loved it. When I saw that there was a movie coming out I got super excited but I realized I needed to re-read the book before seeing it. I put it off until last week actually! That line “we accept the love we think we deserve” made me stop in my tracks and really think about not only me but the people around me as well. I even thought to myself “I should blog about this!” but, you’ve beat me to the punch!

    Great post as always and I couldn’t agree more with everything you’ve said.

  6. It is interesting. I look around and see couples and they are not happy. I ask, because that’s what I do, why are you settling? The commonality between all of these individuals is easily overlooked. It is self-awareness. As you so eloquently posted, you accept the love you think you deserve.

    If you have a Ferrari (and you were selling it) you would never accept 50 dollars for it, would you? Why is that inanimate object so easy to place an acceptable value on, yet, you don’t value yourself enough to ask for MORE?

    Thank you for writing this. I will be sure to share.

  7. What a wonderful party Susie is throwing. I was so felling your words. Your way of seeing love is right on point. I am currently in a bad situation and know I need to move on because I can live with them in my life and I can live without them.

  8. So very true! You cannot love or accept others until you love and accept yourself and feel worthy of it all. I like that. I’m going to send that message to my 18 year old daughter who is in college. Thanks for sharing! 🙂

  9. Right on!!! I think it is especially true when we look back at ourselves. What would I say to my younger self to make me feel better not worse? Aren’t we our own best friends after all?
    Thanks for bringing this to the party! Have fun clicking and mingling with the guests!

  10. What a great post! This is something I have tried to teach my psychology students for years, that we all need and deserve unconditional love. So glad I found you over at Susie’s Place.

  11. Ah, too be driven by the cravings of the heart! It is sad how many times it is just not possible, or, perhaps, I am a coward. You have bared your heart and I am sure you are at peace —it’s impossible for me to recollect the sparks of the previous night.

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