Things that are poorly named – Part 1

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Recently, I was directed by my doctor to go to a Sleep Clinic to determine whether or not I have sleep apnea. While I understand the need to have more than two dozen wires glued to my head and body, I do not understand the theory behind calling it a “sleep” clinic. There is little sleep to be had.

Once I had undergone the necessary time it took to forcefully glue over two dozen small sensors to my head, face, shoulders and legs, I was fitted with a few other accoutrements and left to read for a while. When the technician finally came in to hook me up to the monitors and tuck me in, he told me I had to sleep on my back. Houston, we have a problem.

I am not professing to be an authority on sleep habits, but I am certainly the foremost expert on my sleep habits and I knew it was going to be a rough night. I am a side-sleeper, I have been since I was a kid, so trying to fall asleep lying on my back, afraid to move because I was wired for sound, was next to impossible.

I did manage to drift off a few times but woke up abruptly when I tried to roll onto my side because I was constricted by the conglomeration of wires. I’m not sure how accurately my results will portray my sleep habits since I wasn’t allowed to sleep as I usually do but I do hope they have some answers for me. I’m certainly not going to be doing that again!

Party on Weight, Party on Girth! ~ Part Duh

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A couple years ago, I was in the same mindset and wrote this post and here I am again. Like most people who struggle with their weight, I have good moments and bad moments. Working in hospitality gives me even more of a challenge having to be around food all day, every day. And the icing on the cake (yes, I had to use a food reference) is that we just hired a new chef at the lodge and have been tasting all of his wonderful creations.

It has not escaped my attention that my body is not as willing or able to break down many of these treats complimented by cream sauces and bacon. Many years ago, I followed a very regimented plan where the only processed foods I ate were the meals I processed myself. I knew exactly what I was putting into my mouth and I could pronounce every single ingredient.

I have been slowly getting back into the way I used to eat. Every week, I make five or six salads in a mason jar for my lunches. It is a quick process to prepare lunch for the week and even easier to grab a jar and know I am having a very healthy lunch. I am going to make my own granola tonight for my breakfasts and my body will react well to the fact there are no preservatives that it has to figure out how to break down. I don’t need any more random ingredients stored in fat cells because my digestive system can’t come to the proper conclusion on how to dispose of the mysterious ingredients.

Weight and Girth (thank you Saturday Night Live) have been jamming in the basement of my viscera for far too long and the eviction notice is waiting to be served. Today I had my last Peameal Bacon on a bun from my Aunt and Uncle’s restaurant, at least for a few months. My fridge will be stocked with fruit and vegetables, whole foods and water.

It’s time to start the party in another room in my body and let Weight and Girth take up space in someone else’s basement. And by sharing this with everyone who reads this blog, I am making myself accountable to kick those two out on the street.  Party on Weight, Party on Girth…..just not in my world anymore. Schwing!