Dear Mr. Sandman,
This is a difficult, yet necessary, letter under the circumstances.
While I respect the fact that your position among the Counsel of Legendary Figures (COLF) may be on a lower rung of the power ladder, I must respectfully submit this letter to share my disappointment in your abilities of late.
I have been seemingly self-sufficient when it comes to nodding off after my head has initially hit the pillow. I know you are busy with others who have difficulty finding that evasive snooze-zone so I have learned to manage that on my own. What I fail to understand is how you neglect my needs after I have come back into full consciousness and am wide awake at 2:30 in the morning.
I am a relatively patient person and have been using my time creatively to come up with story lines and blog post ideas while I wait for your arrival, but to no avail. You have been a repeat offender when it comes to being a no-show and I am beginning to take it a little personally. I mean, come on man, it’s just a little sprinkling of magical sand for goodness sake. Surely you can swing by and drop some of that precious powder on my eyes so I can find that whimsical dream world once again after waiting for several hours.
I certainly don’t want this to sound like a threat but, I can only imagine how displeased the COLF would be to find that you have been slacking in your duties and misrepresenting such a prestigious mythical body of great legendary figures. I’m sure Santa Claus, Cupid and the Tooth Fairy would be slightly easier to deal with but Mother Nature has been a real bitch lately! (Even Father Time cannot keep up with her shenanigans)
So, for the sake of fairness, I shall refrain from sending a copy of this letter to the COLF in hopes that we can come to an agreement. I shall eagerly await your attendance the next time I find myself staring at my ceiling in the wee hours.
Come on, Sandy, just a little sprinkle.
With the utmost respect,