I wish

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I wish I were certain.  I can’t quite put my finger on it.  I’ve only just shaken hands with you, shared pleasantries, but there is more to you.    I feel a depth, like looking into a memory but I just can’t place you.  There is a sudden feeling of kinship and camaraderie and I am immediately at ease.  We fall into a conversation like we have been doing that very thing for years.  I wish I were prepared for this.

We spend time together, we laugh like old friends and we share inside jokes.  Your smile engages me.  I am unable to pull my eyes from yours.  I wish I were able to pinpoint the moment you crept into my heart – the moment that I saw you differently and couldn’t take my eyes off of you. I want to realize that moment and hold onto it for all eternity.  My mind whirls with thoughts of where we could be now had we had these moments so many years ago.

My days are not consumed with thoughts of you but you insinuate yourself into random moments of my day and I can’t help but smile. There is an easiness about being around you.  Your laughter is infectious to me.  The twinkle in your eyes warms me.  I am myself with you.

I wish I were able to quell this feeling.  I wish I were able to push you to the recesses of my thoughts but you invade my reality.  You stir my feelings and you haunt my desires.

How easy it would be to fall into your arms and feel safe there.  How easy it would be to get lost in your eyes and float on the sound of your laughter.  How easy it would be to want to never let you go.

How I wish I were able to include you in my forever.

The ripple effect

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(image credit: singerlearning.com)

Every action in life creates a ripple effect.  Whether that ripple effect is as visible to the naked eye as a drop of water in a pond or is so infinitesimal that it is unseen by the human eye there is always a reaction.  We learned it in Grade 11 Physics and the theory is as true today as it was then.   By now our interpretation of that same ripple effect may be broadened. It may not just encompass that drop of water but a drop of energy into the pool of existence.  The end result may dissipate in strength by the time it reaches its destination but it will still create waves on its way to the shore and alter the state of nature as we observe it.

For everything a human being says or does a ripple is created in the universe and that ripple, unbeknownst to you, may affect many more pools of reality than you originally intended.  It brings to mind the old adage – think before you speak.  You may never comprehend the consequence of your words and what reaction may be created, first or second-hand, but the words still have the power to change the tidal pool of various ponds.

Many of the problems we face are essentially man-made.  There are certainly elements out of our control but what if we put forth the effort to regain some of that control?  What could happen if we invested our time and energy in something positive and sent that energy out in waves?  A drop of human kindness or empathy can spread like the circles created by that original bead of water into the larger body of aquatic energy and send that same wave in directions you never thought possible.

Make the power of the ripple effect work for you…..send positive energy and watch it expand as the ripple gets larger on the water.  Know that the good energy you put out there will be shared by more than just the one person you bestowed that energy upon. Your positive energy may ripple into a pond of people who you didn’t even know existed but they will eventually benefit from that one good vibe that you put forth.

A simple smile or a kind word – send the ripple…..and you could potentially change the way those waves reach other shores of lakes that you never knew existed.

Journey back to me

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It was a collaboration week for me last week and this time I put some words together with TwinDaddy from Stuphblog.  I’m sure you all know him and if you don’t, you are missing out!!  Take a few minutes to check out his diversity and genuine talent.  Here is what we came up with.

Journey back to me

I put you up there

not knowing that you would fall.

The pulse of the rain matched my heart beat

as I watched you tumble from that pedestal I put you on.

When our love ended, you had further to fall.

 My illusion of you faded.

Your ruse succumbed to reality

as softly as a leaf falls from its tree.

That pedestal floated gently to the ground

when at last you unveiled your true self.

Although my heart was shattered,

it was easier for me to pick up the discarded pieces.

I recognized those parts of myself that I lost,

eviscerated pieces of my soul that you took.

I could finally begin to rebuild the person I was.

Piece by piece, brick by brick,

a new masterpiece painfully crafted.

A new me, a stronger me

able to withstand torrential emotions,

lithe enough to dodge abusive traps.

Your journey was a plunge to the death of the disguise.

My path was a quest to rebuild what was taken.

I emerge stronger, my scars will heal.

I take back what was rightfully mine.

I put myself up on that pedestal.

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Fragments of myself

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I have been reflecting a lot lately – looking back at the phases of my life where I defined myself in terms of my relationships with other people.  I even introduced myself with those titles.  I was always a daughter, a sister, a step-mom, a wife (now ex-wife) and it has only been recently that I have begun to describe myself in terms of who I really am – me.

All of those monikers are still a big part of who I am, or was, but they are only pieces of my bigger puzzle.  I have found new ways to describe myself that truly incorporate the essence of me and not just how my being relates to other people.  After years of missing the most integral part of who I am, I have found the proper words to define myself.

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(image credit: loridennis.com)

In the past, I had deconstructed myself and put smaller pieces of me into everyone else’s puzzle.  I was happy to be the daughter or the sister.  I didn’t feel lost nor did I feel any sense of being an incomplete person.  I merely slipped into the shadows of the lives around me.  I became an extension of them and the fault of that circumstance was all mine.

After many months of contemplative thought I have become aware of a new sense of self – a confidence to simply extend my hand and introduce myself with only my name.  There is no longer a follow-up delineation of how I relate to anyone other than myself.  I am, in the simplest of definitions, me.

Those fragments of myself constitute a big part of my life but they are no longer words I use to acquaint myself with anyone new in my life.  Eventually those pieces of my puzzle will fall into their rightful place but that place is not the definition of who I am.

The Whisper of Words

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I had the pleasure of sharing the creative process with a very talented writer and friend.  Sage Doyle and I put our heads together and this is the result.  If you had not been to his blog, please clink on the link here to check out his brilliance.

The Whisper of Words

Words are delivered in whispers

from poets who have gone long before,

channeling rhymes of wisdom

not to be dismissed as folklore.

So much to be said about words

as we speak of deprived clarity

and words restrained from whispers

disguise our private realities.

Tortured voices of writers,

struggling to capture their muse,

float like feathers in currents of air,

pain and reality infused.

The books become bitter corpses

with nothing but the scent

of musty pages and forgotten shelves

while they await the passing dissent.

The words will live long after

the pages no longer have form.

Those whispers of writers before us

take life and begin to transform.

Five Cold Toes (Trifextra Challenge)

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It lurks waiting for food,

never hiding behind a rock.

It has a certain penchant,

for neither pants nor frock.

It waits patiently in my dryer,

taking no more than a single sock.

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~

Written for the weekend Trifextra Challenge – It’s now time for some Trifextra fun. Thirty years ago, Roald Dahl published the book Dirty Beasts, a collection of poems for children about weird and wonderful animals. The last poem, however, is called The Tummy Beast about a boy who thinks there’s someone living in his belly. Your Trifextra challenge is to write 33 words on a beast in an unusual place. No swamps or forests or caves, we really want you to take your beast out of its comfort zone

Cloudy with a chance of winter

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I was entertaining myself at work by going through all of the pictures I have stored on my phone and realized I had been hiding these awesome shots of what I love to photograph the most – clouds.

I love the wisps and the way the trees hold them in the frame.

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Clouds resembling a raging forest fire.

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I love, love, love the mixture of colors in these clouds.

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The first thing I saw in these clouds was the yellowish face on the right.  It looks like he is trying to blow the clouds away.

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And this was taken a few months ago, but I just love the texture in the sky.

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