Dear Mr. Sandman,
This is a difficult, yet necessary, letter under the circumstances.
While I respect the fact that your position among the Counsel of Legendary Figures (COLF) may be on a lower rung of the power ladder, I must respectfully submit this letter to share my disappointment in your abilities of late.
I have been seemingly self-sufficient when it comes to nodding off after my head has initially hit the pillow. I know you are busy with others who have difficulty finding that evasive snooze-zone so I have learned to manage that on my own. What I fail to understand is how you neglect my needs after I have come back into full consciousness and am wide awake at 2:30 in the morning.
I am a relatively patient person and have been using my time creatively to come up with story lines and blog post ideas while I wait for your arrival, but to no avail. You have been a repeat offender when it comes to being a no-show and I am beginning to take it a little personally. I mean, come on man, it’s just a little sprinkling of magical sand for goodness sake. Surely you can swing by and drop some of that precious powder on my eyes so I can find that whimsical dream world once again after waiting for several hours.
I certainly don’t want this to sound like a threat but, I can only imagine how displeased the COLF would be to find that you have been slacking in your duties and misrepresenting such a prestigious mythical body of great legendary figures. I’m sure Santa Claus, Cupid and the Tooth Fairy would be slightly easier to deal with but Mother Nature has been a real bitch lately! (Even Father Time cannot keep up with her shenanigans)
So, for the sake of fairness, I shall refrain from sending a copy of this letter to the COLF in hopes that we can come to an agreement. I shall eagerly await your attendance the next time I find myself staring at my ceiling in the wee hours.
Come on, Sandy, just a little sprinkle.
With the utmost respect,
Tee hee. I do enjoy a spot of bitter railing against the world and wails of “why me??”!! If Mr Sandman continues to neglect his duties, this is my cure – “The Classic Tales” podcast. Of course, if you’re into classic literature it won’t work. Be sure to set the timer to switch off your ipod(other devices are available) before the tale is due to finish. He plays very loud music at the end of each episode which will jolt you awake. The fact that you will never know if Philleas Fogg made it home in time is of no consequence!
haha….I like it…..I may have to try that next time. Ironically, the grit was in my eyes this morning and I slept through the night for the first time in a while. 🙂
This is a funny letter, but it’s not funny to wake in the middle of the night and not fall back asleep. I’ve been doing that a lot lately, which makes for cranky mornings.
Very cranky mornings….but this letter seems to have hit its mark…I’ve been sleeping well the last few nights….fingers crossed, it continues.
Budget cutbacks on sleepy sand. I blame Congress.
Once again, you have taken the words right out of my mouth. Thank you