Losing the biggest part of my heart

8 Comments

On Friday afternoon, I had to say goodbye to this beautiful soul. She was my child, my best friend and the greatest listener I have ever known. I had the extreme honor of having her in my life for twelve and a half years and I am gutted knowing I will not be able to come home to her smiling face ever again.

It was a peaceful transition and the vet was wonderful as he explained what would happen. With my brother by my side, I petted her and told her how much I loved her as she lowered her head onto my arm and just went to sleep.

I know I did the right thing, for her, but I want her back so much it physically hurts. Every time I get up from the couch, I still look down to make sure I’m not going to step on her because she was never far from my side. When I look at the door to my bedroom, I expect to see her looking out from her second favorite spot behind the door since she always had to know where I was. And, for the first time in over a decade, I have gone to the bathroom without her lying outside the door, and I hate it.

When you lose a pet, people respond with empathy and sadness for your loss but the inevitable question always presents itself in the conversation that soon follows, “are you going to get another one?” I know the intention of the question comes from a good place but I don’t recall anyone asking so soon after my father or my mother died when I was going to get another one. She wasn’t just a dog, she was my family and to think of moving on from her so quickly is unimaginable. 

One day, my heart will heal enough to make room for another dog but it won’t be any time soon. She was special. She was smart, she was sweet and she was beautiful. And she was the biggest part of my heart. 

Oh, baby girl, I miss you so much.

8 thoughts on “Losing the biggest part of my heart

  1. Oh Sue, I am so sorry to read this. Yes, they are a family member & should be grieved as so. My heart goes out to you. ❤

  2. They say time heals all wounds, but that presumes the source of the grief is finite.
    I found these words after we lost The Red Man, and I can tell you his loss and the losses of our other four-legged family members have never healed because the source of our grief is infinite…as is yours this day. My heart aches with yours today, my friend.

  3. After my last dog past it has taken five years before I have been able to get another dog, I still think of all the dogs I have owned since childhood. I realised how much I missed that special friendship and I now have a new canine in my life, she reminds me of all of the best of all of the dogs I have known while still being unique and very individual, what is not new is my joy at again having a canine friend. I hope your loss and grief eases and when you are ready I am sure there is a dog out there needing your friendship as much as you may need theirs. And yes it is very true that grief is infinite, I just wish there was something I could say that makes it easier.

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