For reasons unbeknownst to me, I have been receiving a number of butt-dials and butt-texts lately.  Morse code messages appear on my phone and I am challenged to decipher the hidden meaning.  I almost wish I had a decoder ring to help figure out what your butt is trying to text to me.

The butt-dials are always more interesting.  Conversations I should not be privy to are carried on by the owner of the butt and one or more people who are completely unaware that an extra set of ears is following their banter.  Usually I feel guilty and hang up fairly quickly, but on some occasions I linger to see if anything ground-breaking is being discussed.

(image credit: Ace Ventura, Pet Detective)

We are all familiar with the phrase “talking out of your ass”, but your butt is taking this to a whole new level.  I should feel flattered that I am the one your butt chose to call, however your gluteal region is not making any clear statement when it calls.  It merely teases me with a conversation bubble and doesn’t allow me to participate.

If you could have a cheeks-to-cheeks discussion with your butt and find out why your booty is so anxious to talk to me, I would appreciate it.  And if you do find out what your butt is trying to say, please leave it in the comments below.