Like sands through the hourglass – these are the thoughts in my head

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At the risk of seeming overly loquacious, I have challenged myself to post every day for the month of November.  What began as a drip of creativity has turned into a steady stream and threatens to flood my thoughts, and my keyboard.  The words that I envisioned having to struggle to find are lending themselves with no contest and ideas present themselves in unending fashion.  The sands in the hourglass that represent my ideas seem to refill themselves as quickly as they dissipate through the pinhole in that blown glass.

No longer is my imagination confined in such a small space.  No longer are my thoughts trapped in a glass bulb, buried in a myriad of cognitive ideas.  With one gentle turn, the essence of my words now flows as freely as those infinitesimal grains.  Ideas churn in the vortex of sand as they fight to free themselves from the bottleneck and into their new-found freedom.

Those thoughts, each small granule of sand that escapes into the path of indulgence,  remind me why I began this journey.  I am compelled to follow this yearning to put letters and words on a page.  I find myself creating characters and dialogue while I shop for groceries.  I compose outlines while driving home from work and I dream in paragraphs.

I write because I am inspired to write.   I write to indulge the little voices in my head that lead me into creativity, and I write because, through my writing, I have finally discovered who I was meant to be.

The truth about cats and dogs

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I am a dog person.  I always have been.  I experimented with cats in my teens – and when I say that I don’t mean I had them hooked up to electrodes and monitored their brain waves.  I had a few cats during those formative years, but the experience left me questioning why I began the ‘experiment’ in the first place.

Cats are extremely fickle creatures with polar personalities.  My mother has six cats and when she had been in the hospital, we were responsible for tending to those six dynamic characters.  Although we treated them well, fed them, showed them some love – the majority of them, in turn, regarded us with disdain and utter contempt.  They each have unique qualities that endear them to my mom, but cats are all about cats.  Most of them could care less if they please you or not.

In amongst the hierarchy of feline fortitude, my mom also has two dogs.  Dogs are very easy-going, for the most part, and simply want to please humans.  They are loyal to a fault and want nothing more than to have you lavish them with attention and affection. Dogs are profoundly attached to their owners and would risk their lives to defend and protect their pack leader.

The true nature of a dog is to be social and warm-hearted, and these are the qualities I admire and look for in a four-legged companion.  I’m sure there is some intuitive approach to understanding cats and their obscure nature, but I have not yet discovered that mystical secret.

I hold no ill will towards the six surreptitious creatures that roam about my mother’s house like they own it, but the soft spot in my heart will always be reserved for my canine sidekick.   For all intents and purposes, she is my child.  I love her with a part of my heart I didn’t know existed until she came into my life and I treat her like family.  I show her the same respect I would show a human child, or any other member of my family.

So, are you a cat person, or a dog person?

Ho-ho-holy crap, it’s that time of year again!

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With the holiday season rapidly encroaching on an otherwise boring fall, it brings to mind all of my favorite holiday movies.  The familiar faces and witty vernacular that are deeply ingrained in my brain will be gracing the television screens once again.  There are a select few that are must-sees for me every year – certain stories that define my holiday experience.

Holidays, for me, are about tradition and part of my tradition revolves around curling up on the couch and indulging my penchant for movies that truly capture the essence of Christmas.   Whether they are steeped in family values, or bordering on the insane, they nonetheless reflect the true meaning of what the holiday season is meant to represent.

With Christmas a mere 41 days away, I have already begun scanning the satellite channels for the first glimpse of those timeless treasures that will shape my season of festivities.  The first on the list is always A Christmas Story.  I can’t seem to help myself.  It has truly become the staple of my Christmas holidays and a custom I hope to carry into my future.  (I bought the DVD, just in case the powers-that-be decide to take it off the air)

Other classics like Elf and Christmas Vacation play their role in my holiday bliss as well and Christmas Eve would never be the same if I didn’t watch The Sound of Music with my mom.  Although it cannot be defined as a holiday movie, it is the most important tradition of my holiday season.

My tree will soon be trimmed, the lights will be twinkling in my darkened living room and the wreath will once again find its place on my door.  A variety of Santa Claus likenesses will take their assigned spots in anticipation of having a front row seat to watch the holiday classics with me.  It truly is the most wonderful time of the year.

What are your holiday “must watch” movies?

Be the change – a journey of self-discovery

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Today’s Daily Prompt was intriguing.  The question was posed –

What change, big or small, would you like your blog to make in the world?

It was a query that got my mind spinning.  I’d never really taken the time to think of my blog on a global scale, and that thought is extremely daunting.  Although my blog has reached readers on many continents (and I truly thank you all for following), it would be egotistical of me to think that my words could have any affect in the grand scheme of this ever evolving planet.

When I write, I am ensconced in a tiny living room, in a small town, in a very rural part of Ontario.   If the wind blows in the wrong direction, I lose power.  I’m sure if I sneezed with any velocity, I would be writing this in the darkness until the laptop battery ceased to exist and my creative world would be relegated to using the voice recorder on my iPhone to track my meandering thoughts.

Blogging for me has turned into a journey of self-discovery.  It may not make a change in this world, but it has definitely made a change in my world.  It has awakened a part of me that was hidden.  It has revealed a piece of my soul that was cowering from the possible reality that what I wrote may be of interest to no-one but myself.  But I forged ahead, because what I was writing was allowing me to truly be myself and giving me permission to uncover all of the things that I really wanted to say.

By following my passion, I evoked a change in myself.  I awakened my opinions, and within that awakening, I granted myself the indulgence to hold value in the things that were my truths.  I chose to not only put those words on a page, but to share them with whomever happened to stop by to read my thoughts.  Judgement aside, I wrote because I wanted to write.  I wanted to be the change in my world and discover how much of myself I was willing to share.  Even now, writing these words, I am overcome with emotion.  Tears fall as silent cries for the freedom I have given my words.

Perhaps by making that change in my world, I will, in turn, make a positive change on a grander scale.  Words can make me laugh, and words can make me cry.  And somewhere in the middle of those emotions is the true meaning of the language of writing.  Maybe the change I would like my blog to make on this world is to simply communicate to others to follow their passions, embrace their dreams.  Only you can know what will truly make you happy, and only you can be the change in your world.

Nicknames

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I have had the good fortune of growing up with a nickname.  It has defined me in a way my given name will never have the capacity of doing.  There is not a single person in my life that can recall how it originated, but I have nonetheless been called Tooie since I was a young child.

There have been many theories developed in an attempt to come up with the birth of the name, but none have resembled any sort of believable truth.   There are people in my life that would struggle to come up with my legal given name, and that has never struck me as an oddity.  It is a comforting feeling having people refer to my nickname as if it were the name on my birth certificate.  My dad, before he passed away, made sure that my legacy follows me everywhere, literally.  My last Christmas present from him was a license plate that says TOOIE.

Even though that moniker has followed me throughout my time on this earth, I would never change that part of my life.  It is how I define myself.  It is a term of endearment that was mysteriously bestowed on me at a young age and will follow me into my twilight years. When I am 90 years old, my nephews will still refer to me as Auntie Tooie.

Some people will shrug off a nickname as they get older, feeling like it is suspending them in an alternate linear timeline, but nicknames have a way of attaching themselves to our evolving reality.  They are usually given as a sign of affection, and I will continue to embrace mine. Perhaps I will never know how it truly came to be, but I will cherish the family and friends that keep the sentiment alive and well by always referring to me as Tooie.

If you’ve ever been given a nickname….share it with me.  I’d love to know what other names you go by!!

Halitosis – a small rant

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You know it as bad breath.  Noticeably unpleasant odors expel themselves during regular breathing and linger stealthily in the air.  I am forever conscious of my breath and am never without a pack of Trident. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for the entire human race.  And as luck would have it, many of these offenders are also afflicted by another ailment known as “being a close talker”.

My brother attended high school with a fellow that used to eat peanut butter and raw onion sandwiches every day for lunch.  Every – single – day.   Now, I can only imagine the foul and sinister cloud of exhalations that followed him throughout the hallways of that high school.  It brings an image to mind of Pig Pen from the Peanuts cartoon with a large cloud ever circling his body.  He must be directly related to the people who have smoked salmon, red onion and capers for lunch, followed by a dessert of a cigarette and a coffee.  There should be a rule in very large print that these and similar meals are followed by a mandatory brushing of the teeth chased by a Tic Tac!!

There are certain foods that should either have a warning label about the danger of halitosis, or be sold with a side of Peppermint Certs.  Onions, garlic, peppers, spicy deli meat…..I think you understand the point I’m making.  How do you find a politically correct way to tell people that their rank breath is offensive?  It is a delicate topic, and in no way do I have the capacity to intentionally hurt someone’s feelings, but if it were me, I would want someone to extend the courtesy of telling me that my breath is making their eyes water!

This rant was given its breath (pun intended) by an encounter I had at the grocery store.  Mr. Close Talker, who shall remain named as such, was excitedly telling me about his most recent adventure.  He was so animated in his gestures that I really don’t believe he noticed my gradual steps backwards.  I was slowly losing consciousness because I was doing my utmost to hold my breath while he expounded on his follies, inches from my face.

There are moments in your life that you can absolutely say that you were in the right place at the right time.  I smiled, hoping he would think I was still listening, but as the world began swimming out of focus, I saw my salvation.  I prayed I wasn’t hallucinating because, after all, I was on minute number three with no oxygen.   I reached for the angel that appeared before me and felt her radiance through a foil wrapper.  Mr. Close Talker was still dealing with his verbal diarrhea and had no idea that I put two packs of Certs into his line of groceries!

Maybe he will understand the gesture as it was meant to be given, or maybe he will be so mortified that he won’t engage me in conversation again for a while.  Either way, I think it’s a win – win.

Plan B

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With the inescapable approach of winter, I have recently begun Curling again and I am really enjoying being back on the ice with a group of challenging competitors as well as amusing team mates.

Although I have been watching considerably more Curling on television (and hope to, once again, be at the live Skins game at Casino Rama), I admittedly have not acquired as much of their skill set as I had originally anticipated.  The theory of Osmosis apparently does not lend itself to learning a sport.  For having not been on the ice for 6 months, I will tell you that I am not disappointed with my level of proficiency and I can only improve from here.

With every sport, as with every aspect in life, the best laid plans do not always come to fruition.  Although my skip may call a shot that he or she believes wholeheartedly that I can make with my eyes closed, that is not always the case.  My resulting shot becomes something I affectionately refer to as “Plan B”.   It may not be the brilliant guard shot, or the double take-out that was required, but was still somewhat effective and it enables our team to look ahead to the next shot.

Every situation in life should have a Plan B.  It can make what could be a torturous event into something far less stressful.  A seamless transition into a Plan B can make the path that was originally carved much less tenuous if it takes a sudden detour. The common saying in battle is that the best defence is a good offence – and a good offence is having a backup plan.  It doesn’t even have to be a fully conscious plan, but heading into battle with foresight and the ability to react quickly and analytically will help create a diversion rather than having to throw your hands up in the air in surrender.

I am fortunate that I received that analytic ability from my father.  Life has not always been picture perfect, and has certainly thrown its share of curve balls our way, but through his guidance I have developed that ability to not dwell on the immediate situation. I don’t allow myself to wallow in the reaction of self-pity, but instead, I spring into action.  I move on to the next phase without even batting an eye, creating or following through on my Plan B.  Too many moments are spent agonizing about what has just happened instead of taking that recent experience and turning it into the potential of what can happen next.

Be prepared to handle what life throws at you, but also be willing to delineate to the road less travelled.  Having a Plan B allows you to not dwell on the past, but instead gives you the courage to step boldly into the future.

Smile

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“A smile is the curve that can set everything straight.”  ~ Phyllis Diller

Whether a smile is formed to placate another person, or the muscles are drawn upwards in a genuine feeling of pleasure, that smile sends a great deal of positive energy into the surrounding space.  It is contagious.  The small amount of effort used to contort the facial muscles required to smile is a mere drop in the bucket compared to the return on your investment.  We all live in a business world, and the bottom line, the ROI, is the quintessential pot of gold at the end of the proverbial rainbow.  But what if the corporations and the highly educated leaders at the helm of those business models are missing the most important, yet the simplest element?

An effortless expression of friendliness can break down barriers – far beyond any tangible barriers we can grasp.  A smile can lighten the mood, set the tone for a conversation and alleviate any preconceived anxiety.  A smile – something so simple that can envelop so many with the least amount of effort.

With the overwhelming number of things that can be taken as misfortunes, each facet of our lives still presents beauty, depth and a myriad of things to be able to create that smile.  Life has not always been a bouquet of roses, but standing on my deck tonight in temperatures far colder than anticipated, I looked up into a very starry night and smiled.  I smiled because I chose to live in a place that allows me to see those stars.  I smiled because, even though not every thing is perfect in my life,  I am content.  I smiled because there is so much potential for me to conquer my dreams.  And I smiled because every time I inhale and exhale, I breathe life into my life.

Smile because you are here.  Smile because every day affords you a clean slate and you can choose to do whatever you want to do.  Smile because people love you.  Whatever reason makes you feel that joy, just smile, and pass that joy on to someone else.  It is the best gift you can give.

 

Weekly writing challenge – A picture is worth 1000 words

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It seemed perfectly innocent.  They were freshly bathed, well dressed, almost too well dressed for a Tuesday morning had I thought about it, and they both presented themselves with an intelligence far beyond their years.  Their mother seemed embarrassed when they both ran to me, each clutching one of my hands in their tiny grips.  Neither of them seemed afraid, nor did they show much emotion at all, and for a moment we just stood, unmoving, holding hands as if this were a natural occurrence.

Perplexed and without knowing how to react, I looked to their mother for some guidance.  Although trying to maintain her poise, she seemed distant and somewhat aloof.  When she finally regained her composure, she smoothed her dress, approached the three of us and complimented me on my suit.  The children remained reticent as the idle banter of adults hovered like cartoon balloons above their heads, but their grips never wavered.

She asked if I would like a coffee, so we walked a few blocks, sharing idle conversation, the children never losing their hold on my hands.  There were no introductions made, so my comments were relegated to generalities.  She was referred to as ‘little girl’ and he was called ‘strapping lad’.  They seemed content with these monikers and never once did they volunteer their birth names.

When the little girl finally spoke, her voice was so hushed it was almost impossible to hear over the din of the crowd.  “My dad died.  You look like him.”   My heart seemed to quiver in my chest and I felt it break into a thousand shards.  I wanted to let go of the boy’s hand and hug her.  I wanted to tell her everything would be okay, but his grip remained firm so all I could do was squeeze her hand and give her a wink.

I had been so distracted by the children that I hadn’t noticed the row of houses instead of the coffee shops I had anticipated.  The children had stopped in front of a brick facade and, with their stoned expressions, they turned to face their mother.  The camera recorded that moment before I had a chance to react.

With their grips remaining firm, the children guided me up the stairs towards the house.  The mother had managed to beat me to the door and fumbled to get the key into the lock.  The hinges on the door vehemently disagreed with being opened and argued every inch of the way.  Once inside the house, the children released their grip on my hands and stood together, an immovable fortress blocking the way back to the door.

As my eyes adjusted to the lack of daylight, the row of pictures in the foyer began to materialize.  Each photo, almost an exact replica of what I suspected the picture would look like that was just taken outside.  Although the little girl and the strapping lad were in different colored apparel, the photo would have been an exact replica.  My heart rate increased.  When the strapping lad finally spoke, my blood turned to ice.  “Welcome home, daddy.”

As the words ‘I’m not your daddy’ tumbled from my lips, I felt a dull crack at the base of my skull.  It would be the last thing I ever felt.

There’s no place like home

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If you read my post yesterday, you’ll know I awoke out of a comfortable sleep and repeated the phrase “white rabbit” three times.  It’s an old family tradition meant to bring luck for the remaining days of that month.  I do believe we create our own luck to some extent, but there are definitely external forces, with perhaps a bit of Karma thrown in for good measure, that help propel us into those moments of good fortune.

I haven’t checked my astral projections to know if my stars were aligned yesterday (I don’t really do that), but the day was full of positive energy and the God’s seem to smile favorably upon me in many ways.  Probably the most exciting news was the possibility of writing a page for a local magazine that has a feature written by selected guest writers about the area that I am proud to call my home.  The decision will be made after the editor has decided that my writing prowess cuts the mustard, but I’m hopeful that I will pass the test.

Writing, to me, is about combining things I truly believe in with an honesty that the reader can not only relate to, but can find charm and warmth in the words that I feel strongly about putting on a page.  Writing is about bringing life and imagery to the forefront of the reader’s mind and helping them experience the same passion I feel for the subject about which I so diligently write and rewrite.

I know another blogger (and successful author) who is making the pilgrimage back to a place she truly calls home.  It is her muse and her refuge from a world that she blended into, but never could truly call her home.  I know that she will find solace in enveloping herself in the place she can genuinely feel like she is herself and that natural landscape will welcome her back with open arms.  There is no place like home.

My desire is that the panorama of my daily life and the poetry of my words will collide to create a spectral portrait and do justice to the beauty in which I am fortunate enough to spend my days and nights.  It is the song of my soul.  It is my true home.

With my writing cap on and my fingers poised above the keyboard, I will click my ruby slippers three times and forge into a tale of love for a landscape that has embedded itself into the cells of my being.  Home is where the heart is, and my heart only beats here.