When you give yourself so fully to something you are committed to, anything you are committed to, there is always the hidden fear that your efforts may not be received as well as you would have hoped. From the moment you send that something into the great unknown, the fear is multiplied exponentially and your hope for a good outcome is sabotaged by the nagging apprehension that continually plagues you. Self-doubt is a vicious curse.
But then you begin to receive feedback, really positive feedback, and your doubts slowly abate. You gradually allow yourself a few moments to revel in the glory of the true affirmation of your talent and you think that your lack of conviction stems from your inability to believe that your commitment to your craft is worthy of praise.
I am that crouching author. I have the hidden fear and the regrettable ability to doubt myself when it comes to my writing. Only recently have I begun to believe more in my talent because people have responded so well to my writing and have been very encouraging. It is one thing to write. It is truly another to have people enjoy what you write.
I can honestly say, putting myself out there has been a lesson in gaining confidence. Somewhere under the veil of hesitation lay a willingness to expose the most natural part of myself, the writer in me, and I have been truly overwhelmed by the affirmations I have received as well as the encouragement to keep writing. There is much less fear now and so much more belief that I can do this. I can be a writer. Wait. Forget that. There is no more fear. I am a writer.
This is so helpful. I think almost every author, at some point in their writing life, is a crouching author who lacks that confidence but like you said, positive feedback works wonders to build that up. 🙂
And that positive feedback helps to cushion the inevitable rejections.
Your writing is clear, it flows easily and it hits the right note between candor and reflection. Looking forward to seeing what you are doing with it.
Thank you very much. That is very nice of you to say.
If your goal is to win the Pulitzer Prize for literature you might be disappointed. I think that feelings about what we achieve have to do with our expectations. Clearly you have pleased many blog readers, so is that enough, or do you want to do more with your writing?
I love my blog and the interaction it allows me to have with readers and other writers. This blog is also the vehicle that gave me the confidence to finish writing my first book and begin writing my second book. I certainly have no goal in mind other than to tickle the fancy of an agent who believes in my book as much as I do and eventually help to get it published. A Pulitzer is a very lofty goal, indeed, but I would never rule it out! 😉