When you give yourself so fully to something you are committed to, anything you are committed to, there is always the hidden fear that your efforts may not be received as well as you would have hoped. From the moment you send that something into the great unknown, the fear is multiplied exponentially and your hope for a good outcome is sabotaged by the nagging apprehension that continually plagues you. Self-doubt is a vicious curse.
But then you begin to receive feedback, really positive feedback, and your doubts slowly abate. You gradually allow yourself a few moments to revel in the glory of the true affirmation of your talent and you think that your lack of conviction stems from your inability to believe that your commitment to your craft is worthy of praise.
I am that crouching author. I have the hidden fear and the regrettable ability to doubt myself when it comes to my writing. Only recently have I begun to believe more in my talent because people have responded so well to my writing and have been very encouraging. It is one thing to write. It is truly another to have people enjoy what you write.
I can honestly say, putting myself out there has been a lesson in gaining confidence. Somewhere under the veil of hesitation lay a willingness to expose the most natural part of myself, the writer in me, and I have been truly overwhelmed by the affirmations I have received as well as the encouragement to keep writing. There is much less fear now and so much more belief that I can do this. I can be a writer. Wait. Forget that. There is no more fear. I am a writer.