Concrete walls and a machine that goes “ping”

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There are no four walls that contain more joy and more misery than a hospital. A place of healing can quickly become a place of sadness with the reading of a few numbers or a somber look on a Clinician’s face.

The four walls that currently contain my mother are filled with uncertainty and questions. She is being kept comfortable and pain-free and the staff have been attentive and kind. But there is still a shroud of nagging doubt – a cloud that hovers over my mother’s hospital bed threatening to flood the room with reality.

The machines beep, the fluids continue intravenously and the revolving door of doctors, nurses and visitors continues to spin. Kind words are spoken, prayers are uttered and friends become more like family.

Thank you all for the words of support and the hugs sent across the blogosphere. It truly means a lot. And even though the embrace is not tangible, I can still feel it.

A long and bumpy road

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I haven’t been able to spend much time with my words for the last few days.  My mom went into the hospital on Thursday morning and I have been spending all of my days with her.  She is quite sick and we’re not sure where we go from here.

It’s a helpless feeling watching someone lie in a hospital bed, looking so frail, and knowing that I can do nothing but sit and keep her company.  I have done a bit of reading, but more than anything I watch her sleep.  In her current world of tubes and medications, she dreams a lot and talks in her sleep.  I lean forward and strain to hear what she is saying, but nothing she says is very intelligible.  I’d like to think that somewhere in the haze of her drug induced suspension of consciousness that my father is whispering in her ear from his place beyond our world and keeping her company as she sleeps.

Almost as much as I miss my writing, I miss reading all of your words.  Our family has a long and bumpy road ahead, but I hope I can find some time to distract myself from reality and lose myself in the happy land of WordPress.

I am on my way back to pass my day entombed by the drab walls of the hospital and listen to the beeps and hisses of the monitors.  My words still churn in my head, but now they form prayers for my mom.