My brain plays tricks on me. It sometimes deceives me into believing falsities that are so far from the truth it’s astounding. I have a real knack for over-thinking, for seeing things unlike they really are and for creating sub-realities of truths I believe to be factual.
I am not delusional by any means, but I read too far into the most minute of details and things affect me on a much grander scale than they should. If I forget to do something at work, I obsess over how it will affect my fellow employees when, in truth, it is a minor hiccup in the larger air pocket of the day. I will churn words over and over again in my head – words that escaped my lips and perhaps fell on deaf ears, but words that I wish I would have said differently. I over-think how those words could have been presented although time has already marched over those words and left them behind, buried in the footprints of the past.
(image credit: salon.com)
In this regard, I am my own worst enemy. Or at least the firing neurons in my thought processes are my worst enemy. I must not believe everything I think. I must learn that perspective is an individual thing and not everyone sees or hears the things I do in the same way. I read too much into people’s reactions. I over-analyze every word until those words are beaten into submission, yet they still torture me in my sleep and continue to hover above my pillow in my waking hours.
I am on a crusade to teach myself to let those things go – to not dwell on the things I cannot change and to accept things at face value. The drama will continue to play on in my head but I must remember to not believe everything I think.