I did a lot of things as a child – some are noteworthy and deserve mention and some I’m not so proud of, so I won’t expound on those moments. I did make amends for those things that were not becoming of a young lady and I’m sure I learned from my mistakes because they were never repeated.
As much as I think I learned from those errs in judgement, I did not truly understand the consequences of those fateful actions until I was much older and reflecting on my youthful days. The mirror has become a time portal and, as I gaze at my reflection, I see a much younger version of myself. The translation was naive, a girl who thought she got it, but she was so far from “it” that she could never comprehend that distance. It’s like the old adage “if I knew then what I know now”. But if that were the case I probably never would have made the mistakes in the first place to teach me the lessons that I would come to comprehend so much later in my older and much wiser years.
Time is a fickle mistress. She has a way of seeping into our conscious realm when we least expect her. She inadvertently brings up memories from our long-buried past to insinuate a lesson that we may have overlooked. I can say from personal experience that there are many things I may have “learned” as a child, even as a young adult, but the learning portion was a mere drop in the bucket compared to what I truly gained from the comprehension of the true meaning of that lesson as I got older.
There certainly are things I would tell the younger version of myself if I could go back in time but, for the most part, I would live my life again because it shaped the person I am today, flaws and all. Those misgivings I had as a child, the uncertainty of who I was, led me to make mistakes. There was a fine line between being good and being bad and for a while I hung on the precipice, unsure of which force was stronger and which power would pull me in.
Looking back at those moments, now that I am beyond that cataclysmic time in my pubescent life, I can truly understand how those stages of life burrowed their way into my brain. They were stored until the moment I could truly appreciate the lesson that was entrusted to the vault in my memory and now I really do get it. What I may have learned in those formidable years I can truly understand now and appreciate the message.
What lesson do you appreciate most, now that you are old enough to understand its true message?