The Intervention

4 Comments

Dear Mother Nature,

We have all been asked to write a letter to you so we can tell you how your illness is affecting us individually.  Starting off with “this is the hardest letter I’ve ever had to write” would be horrifically untrue.  This is one of the simplest tasks I have been faced with throughout my 44 years on this planet.

I’m going to be blunt in this letter and not mince words. This is an intervention.  From those of us who generally feel at peace with you, we have come to you with these words of utter disgust and contempt.  The state of your mental capacity is worrisome and borderline reckless.  For the past few days, we have endured the wrath of your mood swings and succumbed to your whimsical attitude in regards to everyone around you.  This is not the being we have known you to be and the change in your behavior is more than mildly disconcerting.

Too many times over the past two months we have shamelessly ignored the warning signs, hoping that the initial symptoms would not manifest themselves into a textbook case of narcissism.  But our hopes have been crushed in the face of the evolving disease and you no longer seem to have any concern for those in the eye of your storms.

We are pleading with you to get well.  We face each day with uncertainty and would like to see you return to your balanced and seasonally charming self.  Although the outcome of an intervention is meant to severe ties if an agreement to treatment is not reached, we are not as fortunate to have that ball in our court.  We would hope that you hear our pleas and end the 24 degree swings in temperatures during a 24-hour period.

The prescription awaits and only you have the power to take those happy pills and feel well again.

With very kind regards,

Muskoka, Ontario

This just in….

35 Comments

In what is being referred to as a heinous crime against nature, an unknown perpetrator has assaulted the freshly awakened earth with a blanket of snow.  Investigators have a short list of suspects and a few known offenders are at the top of their watch list.

The Behavioral Analysis Unit of the F.B.I. has given their profile to local weather  teams and have asked for the public’s assistance in capturing this un-sub before any more damage is done to the pristine Spring landscape.  The blossoming lilacs and daffodils have been ruthlessly violated by the cold temperatures and the cover of white powder.  Nurseries and landscapers are on full alert and have assembled emergency response teams to assist if necessary.

daffodils

(image credit: agefotostock.com)

The F.B.I.’s investigative team has predicted a second wave of the assault on Monday night and are arming their troops in preparation of the attack.  Unlike the blitz invasion on Sunday, the B.A.U. is warning residents NOT to plant and to arm their patio furniture as a safeguard against the defilement.

If you have any information in regards to the events on Sunday, May 12th, please contact Jack Frost and tell him to EFF OFF!!   More news at 11:00.  Now back to you.