Admittedly, I am going through withdrawal. I have not gone on a cleanse nor have I given up an addiction but I find myself recently emancipated from certain friends who truly know my soul and I feel somewhat lost.
Cultivating a friendship from a distance becomes easier as more time passes. The initial shock of distress subsides and the feeling of isolation is adapted to and accepted. But when that friendship is reanimated at a one-on-one level it makes the strain of separation that much more painful when those friends have to leave again.
I had effortlessly assimilated to a quiet lifestyle and one that I enjoy very much. I had been very content to come home to an idyllic piece of property in a secluded location that I share only with my dog. I had become ensconced in a life of post-work anonymity. And then the axis of my world shifted.
After decades of being complacent, I found my mind wandering. After years of feeling satiated, I found myself yearning for something I had not known I was seeking. The thought of a different lifestyle became abundantly clear and my mind was in turmoil.
I have not invited any of these conceptions into the realm of my existence at this point, but knowing I have the opportunity to entertain these strange thoughts is exciting. Having the ability to welcome these curious ideas into my life is liberating. And just thinking that there is another chapter of my life possibly waiting to be written is extremely enticing.
“We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.” ~ Francios de La Rochefoucauld
I want to think I have not lost myself in the process only to discover I have missed out on writing that new chapter. I wish to believe that the well of ink still exists and will allow me to continue creating the story that is my life. And I will never know if that story continues here or exists in another place until I become brave enough to turn that next page.