May I please go to the bathroom?

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When I was a child, doing dishes was the worst form of torture I could ever imagine.  We didn’t have a dishwasher so dishes were all done by hand and we all took turns washing and drying to make the arduous chore seem more fair.  But it was my least favorite thing to do.  I would have much preferred vacuuming, dusting, cleaning the bathroom, dry-walling, rotating and balancing tires or removing my own spleen….anything but washing those bloody dishes.

I don’t recall if the genius idea came to me in a dream or if I had a sudden flash of brilliance after one particular dinner but, once the meal had been consumed, I asked if I could go to go to the bathroom.  No parent can effectually deny a child the right to heed the call of nature, so off I went.

Once that bathroom door had closed and I had engaged the lock, I became a teenage version of a forensic pathologist.  I carefully opened each cupboard and slowly examined and took stock of its contents.   In essence, I took so much time doing absolutely nothing that by the time I unlocked the door and went back to the kitchen, the dishes were done and nobody had seemed to notice the length of my absence.  The plan was brilliant….until eventually my brother caught on to my shrewd strategy.

After his realization of my great scheme, my trips to the bathroom after dinner were much less regular (pun intended).  The guy that I looked up to, that I thought would battle to the death for me, had thrown me under the bus.  I could only try to tune out the sound of his laughter as he closed the bathroom door before I even got close to that portal of escape that would separate me from the dishes.  Perhaps I should have changed my strategy and just gone to the bathroom right in my chair.  That surely would have resulted in a swift and heady dismissal from the dinner table and a one-way ticket straight to my room!

As fate would have it, I don’t hate doing the dishes anymore.  I learned a very valuable lesson about cleaning as I cook so the pile of dishes at the end of the process is not larger than the house itself.  It is a rare day you will find dirty dishes in a pile in or near my sink but rest assured, they don’t stay there for long.

If found, please return to….

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Breaking news – this just in:

Spring has been kidnapped.  Mother Nature called 9-1-1  sometime in the early hours of the morning and reported it missing.  According to her statement, she had tucked Spring in for the night and left it unattended.  When she returned to check on it this morning, she found nothing but a blanket of snow and Spring was nowhere to be found.

Forensic scientists and Crime Scene Investigators have scoured the area for any evidence related to its disappearance but currently no reports have been made regarding any leads they may have.  The CSI unit is having difficulty continuing the investigation as the blanket of snow continues to grow and cover any shred of evidence that may have existed to prove that Spring had even been there.

Neighbors that have been interviewed were positive that they had seen signs of Spring earlier the previous day.  One neighbor had stated that a group that seemed oddly out-of-place in the neighborhood had been hovering around Mother Nature’s house the previous evening.  A local Sketch Artist  was brought in and a composite drawing of the potential suspect has been released to the media.

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(image courtesy of dominatus.deviantart.com)

Friends of Spring are desperate to have it return.  If you see any sign of Spring, please contact me immediately and I will share your information with the proper authorities.