Category Archives: stress

Those who say goodbyes are easy never really meant them….

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Saying that final goodbye closes a chapter.  Sometimes that is a good thing but inevitably goodbye means closing ties to something you felt a bond with.  That something could be inanimate or that something could be flesh and blood.  Regardless, goodbyes are never easy.

I have experienced many of those closures over the last few weeks and each one of them has meant storing a memory – trapping a moment in a vault that holds the value of a time gone by.  I have begun the process of bidding adieu to a job that I have spent many years growing as an employee and as a person, I have sorted through things my mother has saved throughout our lifetime and I will be saying farewell to a house that helped my family shape the people we are today.  Although my mom has moved into a retirement home and seems happy to be moving forward, saying goodbye to the life we lived will be difficult.

Each minute I spend sorting through things from our past is a minute that brings my childhood back to the forefront.  A single item of my mother’s clothing transports me back 30 years and I can see the last moment I remember her wearing that shirt.  Knowing the power of recollection that shirt can elicit makes it that much harder to say goodbye to that relic of fashion, but time marches on and the goodbye must be uttered.

Precious memories recede on the plain of our existence but they impart a lasting impression.  A smell, a piece of fabric or a place in the capsule of time can cement our memory and form a piece of our history that is still accessible in the far reaches of our minds.  Although the farewells may be necessary, the challenge of walking away from something will never be easy.

I hope that these goodbyes don’t mean that going away signifies forgetting.  That is something I am not willing to do.  Although goodbyes are difficult, losing those memories is not an option.  Past experiences carve the path for the future.  Past experiences shape our sense of self. Past experiences make us who we are.

goodbye

(image credit: healthyplace.com)

Goodbyes are never effortless, but they are necessary.  Saying goodbye to the past can only open the door for the future.  My heart may be in the memory, but my hope still lies in what is to come.

Cat pee and a reason for change

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Yesterday my aunt, my brother and I spent many hours cleaning out my mom’s house.  She is still currently in hospital awaiting the news of where we will be able to find her new forever home. On Friday, the remaining three cats (from the beginning number of six cats) were taken out of the house and surrendered to the OSPCA for adoption.  As much as my mom loved those cats and her two dogs, we had to make the decision to do the fairest thing for them and allow them a chance at a life with a new family.  My brother is still currently fostering the two dogs.

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During the clean out, I realized why I will never again have a cat.  Cats have three basics tasks – eat, sleep and evacuate their bowels and urinary tracts.  With six different litter boxes in the house, I’m still perplexed as to how a cat can fail to execute the one task a cat is meant to master.  Without getting into horrific details, there are pieces of furniture that were removed from my mom’s house that were more saturated with cat urine than a lifetime of litter boxes will ever be.

It was a cathartic experience throwing things out that my mom had been stock-piling for the apocalypse.  I wasn’t sure how I would feel getting rid of some of my mom’s belongings, but the overwhelming smell of cat made the job much easier, and much quicker, than anticipated.

We still have one more floor to tackle, but the truly important stuff from that house is comfortably tucked into her hospital bed awaiting our visit this afternoon and a chance to breathe some fresh air during a trip to a potential retirement home.  The rest of the novelties are just things.  Sure, there are items with great sentimental value that will find a place in my home or my brother’s home, but the rest of those possessions are replaceable.  My mom is not.

My muscles will be put to the test again today as we endeavor to clean up the second floor and get the house ready for more people to create memories in that house that will be as happy as the ones we have.  I can only pray they don’t have a cat!

Regrets, I’ve had a few

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There are always regrets in life – missed opportunities that weigh heavily on us the more we think about them.  I’ve had my share of regrets, whether those regrets have been caused by my actions or perpetrated by my inaction.  There is always a tremendous sense of “what if” at the core of our regrets and that is a force field that is better left unexplored.

I was recently presented with an opportunity that I did not want to regret not pursuing.  I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption and that exploration resulted in me giving notice at my current job and looking forward to venturing off on a new path.  I have never been unhappy at my current job but the winds of change ruffled my hair and made me think about what life would be like in a new place.  That thought was a bit intoxicating.

After weighing the regret of leaving my current job and the many co-workers I have come to think of as family against the opportunity for growth and forward movement with a new team of people, I took a deep breath and chose to follow those winds of change.  That gust of wind caught my sails and propelled me in a direction that I could never have foreseen.

It is a daunting feeling closing the chapter on a life that is so familiar and ingrained in my day-to-day life.  The people who I have come to lean and rely on will no longer be in my daily routine but I can only trust that I made the right decision for myself and know that I am following a trajectory I was meant to follow.

Life is too short to have too many regrets and this is one I did not want to have.  I’m happy to be embarking on a new journey and encountering a new set of challenges and learning experiences.  From the excitement I feel, I know I will not regret making the change and opening my life to a new realm of possibilities.

Have you ever missed an opportunity that you regret?

The power of positive thinking

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The power of thought is amazing…..the more positive the thought, the more positive the result.  Feeding your brain with affirming thoughts allows the mind to grow and flourish, while letting your brain gnaw on the bones of negativity could have devastating results.

abundance of the mind

(image credit: walkwithin.com)

Our brain can only act and react to the energy we give to it. Unlike the information we feed into a computer, it cannot calculate results and comprehend a logical solution unless we give it the necessary tools to formulate the equation.

We need to learn how to harness the power of optimism and fuel our brains with a brazen amount of happiness and joy to achieve the desired result of success. And that success is not just a monetary gain.  Success can be defined as happiness in the home, satisfaction on the job and general good health and well-being.

Negativity and stress go hand in hand. We have all been told at one time or another to “think positive” – but do we ever really stop to absorb the meaning of those two words. If we take the time to step back and see the silver lining that dark, ominous cloud no longer holds as much power as it once did.

Positive thinking can change not only your attitude but your demeanor, how you represent yourself and how you physically carry yourself as well.  You can immediately spot a confident person in their stride, shoulders back, chin up, and know that there are no negative thoughts coursing through their mind.

A positive attitude breeds hope that things will be better.  We teach children at a young age to turn that frown upside down.  What we are embedding in their young minds is that a positive attitude will make them feel better.  So why not heed the advice we bestow on the younger generation who may not fully interpret what we are saying?

Too often we let ourselves be consumed by the obstacles life throws into our path.  We feel swallowed in the churning sea of existence.  But we have the power to make every day a day to look forward to by giving ourselves the choice to be happy.  Life may not always be exactly the way we intended it to be but focus on the good things and the rest will fall into place.  Peter Pan could make himself fly by thinking his happy thoughts.  Let yourself feel weightless by thinking those positive thoughts and put on a happy face.

A city in heightened terror

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The horrific event today in Boston paints my words in a dark color.  The world has turned on its axis again and the ominous cloud that lingered above humanity grows bigger.   What evil force drives people to commit such heinous and unforgivable acts?

I sat on my deck  tonight listening to the sounds of nature.  But those sounds lent no comfort knowing that the sound of terror pierced the ears of so many in a city that should be celebrating – a city that had so much enthusiasm a few hours ago and is now fearfully peeking from behind closed curtains and pacing the hallways of local hospitals.

Innocent children and adults have lost their lives and others who harnessed their athleticism for charities may run no more as they fight for life and limb in hospitals around the city.  Adrenaline was replaced by fear – triumph replaced by tears.

I can only write my words of sorrow and my feelings of disgust for the explosions at the Boston Marathon.  The tragedy has happened but the ripple effect of those explosions will continue as people fear everyone and trust no-one.  My heart  and prayers go out to all of those affected.

Falling behind

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With the events surrounding my mother over the last two weeks, I have been falling behind in reading many of your posts.  Thankfully I had many posts written and have been sweeping the dust from those and posting as often as I can.

I have over 1400 emails, most of them notifications of your posts or your comments and I will do my best to get caught up as soon as I can.  I do wish to thank you all for your reading support and your kind words about my mom.   We are still in limbo and are unsure where to go from here but we still maintain as much hope as possible for a good outcome.

I will try to take some time for myself and get back into reading your words that I have come to love.   I do have one light in the tunnel – my magazine article will be published May 1st.  I will try to link to it so I can share it with the blogging world.

Thank you again for being a part of a group that I have come to think of as friends.

Some walks you have to take alone

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Whether it is a walk of pride or the walk of shame, some walks you have to take alone. Embracing your successes or facing up to the repercussions of decisions you have made is an individual journey.  Only you can face the truth and the consequences that result from something you have been a part of – good or bad.

And perhaps that walk alone provides you the time and solitude you need to focus on the decisions that have been made previously or have yet to be made in your life. Nobody can choose your path or tell you which fork in the road you must follow.  That is a conscious choice that you must decide for yourself.  Forging ahead into that journey, on your own, gives you the focus you need to gather the insight into which path you will follow. Along the way, you select the people with whom you want to participate in that pilgrimage.

Some that you have chosen to accompany you on your journey may agree with your direction and some may deviate from the road that lies before you.  Perhaps they were only meant to keep you company for a short distance.  Others will follow you into the abyss, knowing that the course you have plotted is one akin to a path that they have chosen as well.

Regardless of how many people are willing to follow that road with you, there will always be some walks you have to take unassisted.  Some roads are meant to be navigated by you and you alone. There will always be friends at the end of that road – to wipe your brow and perhaps give you a pat on the back for reaching the end of your quest unscathed, but the passage itself is a solitary journey.

Forge ahead on that secluded route.  Walk strong with your head held high.  Delve deep into the reasons that you have come to this particular fork in the road, and walk alone.  But walk alone knowing that at the end of your journey, you have rewarded yourself with the reclusive time needed to dig deep into what you need for yourself to achieve your ultimate goal.  Your journey never ends.  It only begins with the next step.

The sounds of solace

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Even through the most troubling of times, there is something inherently soothing about music. The dulcet tones relieve the pressure that reality compounds and the rhythm can make the most difficult situations bearable.

I love most types of music but the sounds I find most comforting during difficult times are the harmonic blends of The Tenors. The uplifting tones of their four part harmony bathe me in a warm glow and bring me out of the dark tunnel. The joy they find in singing allows me a moment to pause and rejoin the beauty in the world.

The timbre in their notes carries me to a place of serenity and I am embraced by a feeling of peace. It amazes me how quickly the stress is assuaged and washed over by a wave of calm by simply allowing the pacifying effect of the notes soothe my soul.

As my mom watches the tiny television from her hospital bed, four Canadian Tenors are alleviating my current reality momentarily by singing their lullabies to me. Let the music of life play on.

Stressing the “un’s”

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Life is a mixed bag. Stress is inevitable, but more than likely comes from things that begin with “un”. Things that are unpredictable, uncontrollable, unfamiliar or unseen cause us undue pressure.

We become very uncomfortable and somewhat unsettled forging ahead into the unknown feeling unprepared. We may lack the understanding needed to avoid feeling unsure.

Life can be unfair. Illness can be unforgiving and waiting can be unbearable. The “un’s” hover relentlessly and we are unable to regain a sense of control.

I am struggling to beat those “un’s” into submission, but they are unrelenting and refuse to allow the knots of their hold to be undone.

I, however, am unwilling to admit defeat. That is unacceptable.

Concrete walls and a machine that goes “ping”

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There are no four walls that contain more joy and more misery than a hospital. A place of healing can quickly become a place of sadness with the reading of a few numbers or a somber look on a Clinician’s face.

The four walls that currently contain my mother are filled with uncertainty and questions. She is being kept comfortable and pain-free and the staff have been attentive and kind. But there is still a shroud of nagging doubt – a cloud that hovers over my mother’s hospital bed threatening to flood the room with reality.

The machines beep, the fluids continue intravenously and the revolving door of doctors, nurses and visitors continues to spin. Kind words are spoken, prayers are uttered and friends become more like family.

Thank you all for the words of support and the hugs sent across the blogosphere. It truly means a lot. And even though the embrace is not tangible, I can still feel it.