The selfless act of being yourself

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Since turning thirty a number of years ago, I have really grown into a person that I am proud to be.  I had spent many years before that x-mark on the calendar trying to be many things for many people and it was emotionally draining.  I had put the small pieces of myself on a shelf and created a false picture based on fitting in the pieces that others had been trying to force into the frame of my puzzle.  Not only had I done myself a grave injustice, but I tried to pass off a fake portrait as art.

Since that defining moment in my life, I have retrieved those small pieces of myself and worked steadily at rebuilding my own puzzle.  Each piece now gently falls into place and I feel much more of a sense of accomplishment knowing that this puzzle is the one I should have been working on in the first place.

life puzzle

You are only a reflection of yourself and it is a defining moment when you can truly embrace the person you are and not the person who others think you should be.  It was a hard road for me to follow but each step was worth the anguish, each misstep was worth the correction, and each failure was worth the lesson.

I used to deflect compliments, and sometimes old habits die hard, but now when I receive kind words I can truly take them to heart because those words reflect who I am to the core of my being.  Now that I am being honest with myself, and just being myself, those words have greater meaning because they fall on the ears of the person I wished I had given myself permission to be so many years ago.

(image credit)

 

Time to digest the past and ingest the future

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The tryptophan is still fresh in my blood stream and thankfully the swelling in my stomach is slowly abating.  With another Christmas celebration successfully under my loosened belt, it’s time to reflect on the past year and look forward to the imminent beginning of a new year.

calendar

This past calendar year was filled with many hurdles.  Within running that footrace and jumping those hurdles, I discovered a well of strength I didn’t know I possessed.  That yet untapped reserve was a shimmering pool of hope and that cleansing water, along with the support of family and friends, helped me find a long-awaited feeling of inner peace.  I was given a promotion at work, enjoyed the many changes in my physical appearance, gained a new self-confidence and found a true sense of freedom after closing the door on an unhealthy marriage.

Within those defining moments, I found myself again.  I rediscovered the happiness that had been suppressed and I delighted in its giddiness as it bubbled back to the surface.  The smile on my face became genuine and no longer felt like a mask.  I began writing this blog and my inner voice had finally found the tool in which to extricate itself from my brain.  I began truly living and not just going through the motions.

Adversity is a learning tool, and I chose to attend every class to absorb each lesson that was taught.  I learned a great deal last year in the school of life and I look forward to carrying that knowledge into the beginning of a new year and another fresh start.

I tend not to make New Year’s resolutions.  I don’t want to limit myself to focusing on a few things, but would rather deal with each day as it presents itself and deal with those days in the most positive way I can.  With the impending arrival of that new calendar year, I am eagerly anticipating a fresh start.  I look forward to caring for old friendships and strengthening new relationships that were developed.  I look forward to continuing to do a job I love and I look forward to listening to the persistent writer’s voice that wakes me from my sleep.

Come on 2013 – I’m ready for you!!