Covid-19 has taken a huge toll on me, not physically but, mentally. After cresting the half-century mark last year, I am blessed to be able to say I had never struggled with anxiety or depression. What I would have first described as a distraction slowly burrowed into my brain and riddled me with emotions and a sadness I had never had to deal with before. Having been an extrovert by day and introvert by night, I became overwhelmed by the isolation that came with being advised to stay at home and only go out in public when necessary.
Looking back on the past few months, I should have known I had been affected more than I care to admit. The things I loved to do in my spare time became a burden and I forgot the pleasure I felt when I cooked a wonderful meal for myself or sat down at my computer and let words cascade down from the heavens to help me write the novel I am working on that has been untouched since March. The passion I once had for my hobbies became non-existent and that made my sadness feel even more powerful.
But life has a way of kicking us in the pants and it chooses interesting ways to send us compelling messages that cannot be ignored. I spent forty minutes watching a live stream on Patreon by someone I greatly admire. During his video, he emphasized how important it is to put ourselves first and to take time each day to do small things that bring us back to ourselves. His message couldn’t have been louder or clearer. I had been so focused on things that had nothing to do with me that I had all but forgotten to focus on myself and the things that are important to ME.
I have not posted on my blog since April 27th. It pains me to say that. This space has always been my sacred space. This space has let me be myself and free the words that want to be freed whenever I feel the desire to let them loose. But those words have been muted by the blanket of stress I have let weigh me down. NO MORE! Today I take back my power. Today I let the words oppress my thoughts and unleash themselves. Today I will create a spectacular meal for myself because I am the number one thing in my life. If I don’t take care of myself, how will I ever have the energy to take care of anyone else? Thank you, Jamie Lambert. Your words did not fall on deaf ears.
polysyllabic profundities 
That’s the spirit Tooie ! Think of all that you have………and give thanks. You have always been a ”giver”. Always remember to ”give” to yourself too !
Thanks Barb. xx
Rock on Poly.
Thanks Guap! Hope you are doing well.
Welcome back! We are each affected by the pandemic in different ways. I forced myself to reinvent wheels from previous posts over the years, and that gave me the juice to do new work. Whatever works for you is what is best for you!
Thanks Sheila. Hope you and Pretty are doing well. xx
You speak to that omnipresent ennui I think many of us are suffering. (As you will no doubt notice, I’m just now getting back to checking in and catching up on reading people I follow.)
It has been incredibly hard to adjust to Covid restrictions. To be constantly aware and alert and on the defense for healthy interactions. But, once I admitted that I needed masks to feel safe–regardless of whether or not they minimize the threat significantly or not, I feel better wearing one in public.) Now that I’m reframed to a COVID-19 mindset, I’m slowly finding a new normal. (Though, this normal does involve a hellofalot of mindless tv watching.) One hopes that productivity is soon to follow.