Category Archives: musings

Freshly bathed in saline

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I am a churning pool of emotion.  I am one of those people who can put themselves in anyone’s shoes to feel the emotion that pulls on their heart-strings.  Sometimes it is a true blessing and sometimes the catastrophic emotional breakdown is embarrassing.  The control of the outpouring of tears in public has been much improved but behind closed doors all bets are off.

Empathy is a gift that I feel truly fortunate to have.  It is easy to be sympathetic and try to understand what another human being is enduring but to be able to delve into that raw emotion and feel the searing scars of that pain as if it were my own enables me to really reach out to that suffering soul and comprehend what they are going through.

That mutual experience of emotion, for me, is not strictly reserved for direct contact with another human being.  I experience the same overwhelming sensations if I am watching an emotionally charged movie, listening to beautifully composed music or reading a consuming book that drips with powerful sentiment.  Last night my face was awash with tears watching a simple television show.  I’m not sure what came over me but the story was deeply touching and as I felt the first tear caress my cheek I knew there were more to follow.

Perhaps part of my longing to write with such feeling is because I want the person reading to have the same experience I had while writing it.  I want the emotion that held my heart prisoner to be injected into the reader with the same paralyzing sensation that I so easily succumbed.  I can only hope that once my novel is complete, the characters that I birthed will be overflowing with angst, ready to cry on a whim and that I can somehow find a way to make those feelings jump off the page.

One part water, one part rabbit, one part nuts

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In the 1987 movie “Fatal Attraction” Glenn Close convincingly plays an intelligent, articulate career woman with a penchant for revenge when her love is unrequited.  This was a very politically correct way of describing the insane nature of her character.  Near the pinnacle of her breakdown, Alex, played by Close, breaks into the house belonging to the object of her obsession and basically makes a soup stock out of the family pet.  My friends and I would use the phrase “bunny boiler” for many years to come after seeing this film.

Alarmingly, they do truly exist.  I’ve met some of them.  Perhaps they were not pressured to the point of bringing a pot of water to a scalding boil and stewing the family pet but they seem to wreak havoc in their own mind-boggling ways.  Obsessive behavior runs rampant and the clear and decisive nature of a normal human brain becomes more of a chapter in a research book than anything remotely resembling their reality.

Instinctively, most men can spot these women a mile away.  When the behavior pattern of a woman deviates from her usual likes and dislikes to mirror his – he becomes moderately suspicious.  When she begins randomly showing up in places that he frequents or becomes obsessed with the hobbies or sports he is into – alarm bells begin going off at top decibel.

I have always felt an inkling of sorrow watching these situations unfold.  Being able to remain rational during the beginning stages of a relationship while maintaining your sense of self is difficult.  Maintaining that rationale at the conclusion of that relationship is overwhelming, but it can be done.  Sure you may have wanted, with every fibre of your being, to be a perfect fit for the object of your affection but it doesn’t always work that way.  Relationships are about learning more about yourself and being able to blend your strengths with another person.  Giving up your interests to absorb theirs will only make you lose yourself in the process.

If relationships were easy, we would learn nothing about ourselves and what truly makes us happy.  It is the bumps in the road and those unexpected detours that make us truly think about our ultimate happiness and how much of ourselves we are willing to lose on that journey to self-discovery.   The failure only comes when you are not true to your heart and true to your beliefs.  Becoming something other than your genuine self will only negate the process of discovering that true happiness.

I do believe that I have gained enough wisdom at my age to know when the subject of my attention has a vested interest in the qualities that I possess.  I have learned to be grateful for my wit and intelligence and I have faith that they are qualities that someone will appreciate as they are – not a warped version of them to blend into the color palette of their life instead of my own.  I have finally learned the value of being myself.  It took a while to get here, but the pilgrimage was worth the sacrifices along the way.

With that knowledge in hand, I can go forth into my next relationship knowing that I put my self-worth first and, more importantly, that their pets will be safe from harm.

The French Maid Connection – TrifeXXXtra Challenge

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She could hear movement inside the cabin and, before she could change her mind, she knocked.  The portal opened and they stood face to face.  Although somewhat shocked, he seemed happy to see her.  For a moment nothing was said.  He simply moved out of the entrance.  As she stepped onto the threshold he caught a glimpse of fish net stockings and smiled as he closed the door behind her.

They stood, no words passed between them.  Their eyes remained locked, a gaze of unspoken feelings, and it was he who made the first move.  He casually closed the distance between them and untied the belt of her overcoat.  With trembling fingers he undid the buttons, slowly and deliberately, never wavering from her stare.  Running his hands down either side of the coat he gradually pulled the shroud from her shoulders and his breath caught audibly in his throat.

He was staring intently taking in the black laced bodice, white apron and collar and he could not contain his smile.  She smiled back demurely and bit her lower lip. He leaned over and his lips swept across her mouth.  Her skin reacted to his touch and her cheeks were ablaze with blush.

The desire in his eyes made her melt and his blue eyes bore into her.  His hands gently cupped the sides of her breasts and traveled up to hold her face.  He pulled her closer and, for the first time, their lips met.  The kiss began sweetly, mouths tentatively meeting for the first time, their tongues apprehensively touching but, as the intensity increased, the urgency became overwhelming.

She pulled away first, panting, trying to catch her breath.  He leaned over and once again their lips met, but this time was much more tender and affectionate.  The slow burn of yearning finally erupted and bodies became cloaked under a blanket of heat.  She moved with him in a rhythm she had never known before.

The music of love was written that night.

~~

My 333 words written for the TrifeXXXtra challenge: And now on to a completely different type of prompt. As you may or may not know, November 15 is National Erotica Day.  Trifecta is not an erotica-specific type of place, but we never shy away from a chance to stretch our creative limbs, and we hope you’ll join us as we dive in to celebrate this quirky day. We are asking for an open write this weekend–33 to 333 words of erotic writing.  No specific words need to be used, and we aren’t necessarily banning any either.

Taking the time

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Here is my post for the writing challenge I put up this morning, originally inspired by The Cutter.   See this post for more details if you want to join in the challenge.  El Guapo entered his in the comments section of my earlier post and the link to Janna’s post is below .

****

Amy was juggling too many things at one time.  She knew that.  The hours she was spending at the office were eating into her social life and causing a huge strain on her relationship.  She had promised herself she would spend more time at home, be the doting wife she had professed she would be in her vows, but her sunken eyes and dark circles under those eyes did much to disprove her intentions.  She was a workaholic.

As she trudged along the sidewalk to head towards the bus shelter she passed the same store windows she did every day.  She had never really taken notice of what the stores offered because it never occurred to her to care.  The flashing neon signs had never distracted her before but today she decided to lift her head and see what the flashing pink lights were telling her.  Her eyes strained to see the woman behind the counter and she immediately noticed how radiant she seemed.  Amy deviated from her routine and went in.

The first thing that hit her senses was the smell of cheap perfume.   Her favorite Led Zeppelin song, Going to California, was playing in the background so she took it as a good omen.  She had no idea what this place was all about but she felt drawn here so she continued to the counter.

Amy realized her mistake halfway through the makeover.  Her hair had been teased so much it  reminded her of when she was a kid and she created static electricity by rubbing a balloon on her head.  The blue eye shadow and pink blush had been applied so liberally she began to look like Mimi from the Drew Carey show and her red lips would give Angelina Jolie a run for her money.  All she needed now was a spray-tan and a tiny dog in a purse and she could be a Beverly Hills housewife!

Tissue in hand, Amy did her best to remove the offensive pastels and tame her hair into submission.  She left the shop bereft of her dignity and wondered how she would explain the lingering color palette on her face to her husband.  She was only doing it for him.

The bus ride home seemed to take twice as long and, after doing her best to become as infinitesimal as possible on the bus, she was only steps away from home.  She could see the candles flickering through the window and the shadow of her husband moving from room to room.  His movement took her off-guard since he was always comfortably ensconced in his recliner, usually asleep, by the time she got home.

He was there to open the door before she had time to fumble with her keys.  The dulcet notes of The Tenors caressed her ears as she took off her coat.  A medium boat of sushi was on the coffee table and the wine had already been poured.  He understood.  He knew her hard work was for a purpose.  As he leaned in to kiss her his eyes caught a glimpse of the make-up residue.  She simply sighed and shook her head.  He knew her well enough not to ask, wiped off some of the leftover lipstick with his thumb and his lips met hers.

Later, as she began to drift into a peaceful slumber, wrapped in the warmth of his arms, she only had the strength to whisper four words, “I’m taking tomorrow off”.

****

Other stories for the Random Selection:

Good Ol Days – JannaTWrites

Blind Date – The Cutter Rambles

Random selection – Are you up for a challenge?

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Back in June, The Cutter gave me a writing challenge.  Four random ideas were chosen and I had to write a blog including all four – my attempt is here.  I then threw the gauntlet back and offered up five random ideas and the result is here.

It was an awesome challenge and one I have been thinking about since then.  It was great having to really dig deep into my imagination and string a group of completely unrelated subjects together in one post and I wanted to put the challenge out there to anyone who is willing to participate.  Please feel free to pass this on to those in your blogging circle as well – the more, the merrier.

  • static electricity
  • Led Zeppelin
  • sushi
  • juggling
  • spray tan

Be as creative as you want and write in any form you want.  There is no word limit.   Link back to here so I can mention your post for the challenge.

Have a great weekend.

Remember me – Trifecta Challenge

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Remember me on Valentines,

the day our two hearts met.

Souls collided, fate stepped in,

serendipity paid its debt.

Remember me at Halloween,

the night I loved the most.

Throwing your Dracula cape aside,

on bended knee, you proposed.

Keep me in mind on Christmas Eve,

while you watch the fire in the hearth.

Feel my spirit staying close,

Afraid of leaving the Earth.

For I will remember you all those days,

And every one in between.

The hardest part of loving you now,

is knowing I’ll never be seen.

~~

Written for the Trifecta Weekly Challenge: Today is also Remembrance Day, celebrated around the world to honour those who have died in the line of duty for their nations. With our birthday and that in
mind, this week’s prompt came easily. Please pay attention to the THIRD definition and happy writing!

Remember (verb):

1 :  to bring to mind or think of
again <remembers the old days>
2 :  archaic
a :  BETHINK
b :  REMIND
3 a :  to keep in mind for attention or consideration <remembers
friends at Christmas>
b :  REWARD <was remembered in the will>
4 :  to retain in the memory <remember the facts until the test is over>
5 :  to convey greetings from <remember me to her>

Remember:

• Your response must be between 33 and 333 words.
• You must use the 3rd definition of the given word in your post.
• The word itself needs to be included in your response.
• You may not use a variation of the word; it needs to be exactly as stated
above.
• Only one entry per writer.
• If your post doesn’t meet our requirements, please leave your link in the comments
section, not in the linkz.
• Trifecta is open to everyone. Please join us.

100 Word Song – Opportunities

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Did the money really matter? They were selling themselves short, losing sight of their true strengths. The opportunity had presented itself so innocently but the cost of their choice was epic.

Both educated and inclined to succeed, they relied on their looks to pave the way to their future. They completely negated their worth as human beings. Not only were they selling their bodies, they were selling their souls for the almighty dollar.

That money took the best part of them. It threw away their innocence and replaced it with bitterness and contempt. The adage lies – money can’t buy happiness.

two_prostitutes_by_cellar_fcp

(image credit: newyorkdailysun.com)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Written for the 100 Word Song Challenge: Opportunities, Pet Shop Boys. Lance and Leeroy at My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog came up with this new challenge.  Go and check it out!

A heaping dose of perspective

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Picture 260

(It doesn’t look like this now, but it will soon)

The Heaven’s have aligned and I am back home after twelve days of living in a hotel room with my puppy dog.  I can’t even find the words to describe how it feels to be home – and that is a first for me!

I ran the gamut of emotions while I was under that temporary roof.  I was grateful to have that roof over my head and friends who cared enough to offer me a plethora of living options, but my frustration was undeniable.  I’m sure the bureaucratic red tape at a certain energy company tangled the process and elongated my hotel stay by at least five days.  But, I digress.

I flipped the breaker myself earlier today and was warmed by the glow of light coming from my windows.  In the days preceding I had been stopping by to check the progress of the work and my house sat lifeless on my property.  No light emanated from my windows and it sat as a cold, empty shell where there once was life.

There is still a noticeable chill in the air, inside, but I am home.  All of my electronics work and nothing else was damaged in the ordeal.  The only thing I had to do was call Bell to help download the guide for my satellite to get it working again.  The lovely woman I spoke to was in the Philippines.  I’m sure you have all seen the news of the devastation in the Philippines and, while she was personally unaffected, members of her family have lost everything.  We had a very fortuitous conversation that allowed me to truly put my seemingly overwhelming problem into the perspective it deserves.

I still have a home.  I still have all of my belongings and I have a large collection of friends who would be there for me if I ever needed them again.  I didn’t lose everything.  I don’t have to wonder how I will recover from such a devastating loss and I don’t have to mourn family and friends who didn’t survive.  These last twelve days were really just a hiccup in my existence.

670,000 people are now homeless and countless have not survived in the Philippines.  It really makes my previous rants seem so selfish and I will keep those people in mind the next time I want to complain about an infinitesimal problem in my life.

Word Cloud Wednesday

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I’m not sure why this particular string of words entered my head.   The story seems a bit dark.  This post is in response to Word Cloud Wednesday on We poets Show it.  The post should be written with only the words in the cloud.

word cloud

Friends knew. Nannie guessed. Mama talked.

Poor kid – dumped, barefoot,

hands holding little, began tired wander.

“Lightning” later sprinkles farmhouse.

Fireflies. Memorable time,

memorable conversations melting.

Black.

Friends open arms, holding magic – new house, new mama, new daddy.

I will not shed a tear

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Dear Stress,

This is the most difficult letter I have ever written.  You have been such a big part of my life and we have shared many moments together.  Through all of the ups and downs you have always been there, waiting to participate in every aspect of my life.

I can’t recall the moment when we first met, or how we developed such a close bond over the years, but throughout every waking moment of my day I always knew you were willing to put in the effort to be by my side.  We became so close that I truly depended on the fact that you would be there with me, shadowing every moment of my day.

Your fastidious nature made it possible for you to delve into every nuance of my life.  It enabled you to invade the inner sanctum of my being and hold fast to the things you knew I held so dear.

It is with a heavy heart that I have to write you this letter.  Living with you has worn me down to a shadow of my former self. During our tumultuous relationship, I have lost a part of myself along the way and I gave you the power to feel superior.  I made you feel like you had won.

I am writing this letter to tell you that I have found something to replace you.  During the journey that you and I have traversed together, I realized that I had feelings for tranquillity. It soothes me in a way that you never could.  It takes the time to understand my feelings but spends more time making me feel relaxed and more like myself.

I wish you the best in your continued journey but I have no place for you in my life.  Our relationship will always be a learning experience for me, but I deserve better.  Good luck in your future relationships with unsuspecting people.

Sincerely,

Susan

~~

This was actually my first post on this blog site, but it seems much more appropriate now!