It never ceases to amaze me when people make gross assumptions about single people and feel that they must be missing something in their lives. Not all single people are lonely. Just as not all people who are taken are in love. Some things we see on our own would completely escape our attention if we were with others.
Single is not a status. I am forging through this life unattached again by choice. That decision took some deep soul-searching on my part but in the end it was the best decision I have made in a long time. My willingness to be on my own again only solidified the fact that I am strong enough to live and thrive without having to depend on another person to perpetuate my happiness. There were days during my marriage that I felt more alone than I do now that I live on my own again.
For some reason my change in marital status brought to mind the story of the elderly Cherokee speaking to his grandson and explaining about the two wolves that reside within each of us. One is evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment and lies. The other is good. It is love, kindness, humility, hope, empathy and truth. When the boy questions the grandfather as to which wolf wins, the grandfather simply replies, “the one you feed”.
By choosing to end my relationship and live on my terms I chose to feed the good wolf. Once again I feel surrounded by a sense of peace that I have not enjoyed in a while. I do not hold any ill will towards my ex whatsoever but he was the oil to my water. He had a heaviness in his emotions that felt oppressive and suffocating and it began to change the person I had been. We make much better friends than we ever did marital partners. By choosing to untangle the knot of our union I gave myself permission to begin a new journey. I allowed myself to delve further into my psyche than I had ever done previously and really focus my attention on who I really am and what I really want.
On that journey I have discovered many new things about myself as well as rediscovering some things that have been long since buried. I have gained a confidence that I never knew I had and have developed a new respect for the strength I possessed to make that great leap of faith to cut the ties that bound me to the person I had become. I now feel weightless. Some days I wish I could truly float out of my body just to gain more perspective and give myself a thumbs up.
Single is not lonely. Single is exploration. Single is permission to simply be. It is not a sentence but a rare opportunity to give ourselves the chance to really get to know who we truly are, warts and all, and to really embrace the qualities that make us unique.
The wind at my back is my yesterdays tickling my skin with the promise of today and gently pushing me into tomorrow. Whether I enter my tomorrows alone or with another my contentment will be at the forefront of the decisions I make. If my choice is to be single, I will never be lonely.