Feeding the right wolf


It never ceases to amaze me when people make gross assumptions about single people and feel that they must be missing something in their lives.  Not all single people are lonely.  Just as not all people who are taken are in love.  Some things we see on our own would completely escape our attention if we were with others.

Single is not a status.  I am forging through this life unattached again by choice.  That decision took some deep soul-searching on my part but in the end it was the best decision I have made in a long time.  My willingness to be on my own again only solidified the fact that I am strong enough to live and thrive without having to depend on another person to perpetuate my happiness.  There were days during my marriage that I felt more alone than I do now that I live on my own again.

For some reason my change in marital status brought to mind the story of the elderly Cherokee speaking to his grandson and explaining about the two wolves that reside within each of us.  One is evil.  It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment and lies.  The other is good.  It is love, kindness, humility, hope, empathy and truth.  When the boy questions the grandfather as to which wolf wins, the grandfather simply replies, “the one you feed”.


By choosing to end my relationship and live on my terms I chose to feed the good wolf.  Once again I feel surrounded by a sense of peace that I have not enjoyed in a while.  I do not hold any ill will towards my ex whatsoever but he was the oil to my water.  He had a heaviness in his emotions that felt oppressive and suffocating and it began to change the person I had been.  We make much better friends than we ever did marital partners.  By choosing to untangle the knot of our union I gave myself permission to begin a new journey.  I allowed myself to delve further into my psyche than I had ever done previously and really focus my attention on who I really am and what I really want.

On that journey I have discovered many new things about myself as well as rediscovering some things that have been long since buried.  I have gained a confidence that I never knew I had and have developed a new respect for the strength I possessed to make that great leap of faith to cut the ties that bound me to the person I had become.  I now feel weightless.  Some days I wish I could truly float out of my body just to gain more perspective and give myself a thumbs up.

Single is not lonely.  Single is exploration.   Single is permission to simply be.  It is not a sentence but a rare opportunity to give ourselves the chance to really get to know who we truly are, warts and all, and to really embrace the qualities that make us unique.

The wind at my back is my yesterdays tickling my skin with the promise of today and gently pushing me into tomorrow.  Whether I enter my tomorrows alone or with another my contentment will be at the forefront of the decisions I make.  If my choice is to be single, I will never be lonely.

40 thoughts on “Feeding the right wolf

  1. “If my choice is to be single, I will never be lonely.” – Well said! The only way to be happy is to only pay attention to the parameters we set for ourselves, and ignore other people’s rules. People who think all single people are lonely just aren’t thinking. This post reminds me of a conversation I was just having on another blog about the choice to not have kids. Same thing. When our choices are own, and we know our own minds, we are happy. Simple as that. I absolutely loved the wolf story… thank you for sharing it. 🙂

  2. VERY well put! I myself have never been married, and I haven’t so much as dated anyone in close to 20 years As you said in the beginning of your blog, sometimes people think they need to feel sorry for me, but they just don’t get it. This is the way I like to be! I’m not completely anti social. I have lots of friends and I do hang out with people sometimes, but for me being by myself is freedom, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

    One of my favorite catch phrases of late has been, in regards to whether I support gay marriage: “Gay people have just as much a right to f*** their loves up as straight people do.” Usually it gets a laugh. (Sometimes a blank stare. I generally don’t bother talking to those ones again.)

  3. I think some people rush into marriage because it is the “next” logical stage or hop from partner to partner because the fear of being alone is greater than the fear of being in a relationship that does not quite fit. “The wind at my back is my yesterdays tickling my skin with the promise of today and gently pushing me into tomorrow.” What a beautiful sentence. Thanks for a wonderful read with my first cup of coffee today.

  4. Maybe people in relationships just want single people to be as miserable as we are?

    And although it is completely unrelated to your post (aside from the title) I now have Duran Duran’s “Hungry Like the Wolf” stuck in my head.

  5. Some of the best relationships are ones where neither has to ask the other for permission to grow on their own.

    go you for being comfortable in your own skin!

  6. This is a wonderful, powerful post, and the example of choosing which wolf to feed is perfect! You have forged your own path and shared your journey. Well done.

  7. I’ve always loved that wolf story. And not just because I’m crazy about wolves. The one you feed is definitely the one that grows and survives and protects. Occasionally, it also poops, but mostly it’s the other stuff 😉

  8. So Beautifully Written. The most Important aspect in living our lives is to be Happy, and Content Within, and I can Certainly is feel it in your post. It’s Very Attractive, and Alluring and I Commend you. Wishing You All The Very Best.

  9. This is an absolutely beautiful post. I am very happy being single. I was married for 10 terrible years before I was able to get free. I enjoy being me again, just me. Not anyones wife or girlfriend. I don’t understand why people have a difficult time understanding that alone is not sad or lonely. It’s freedom to be anything we choose.

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