The last selfless act



I have been thinking about my mom a lot over the last week.  Every time something happens or I hear something I think she would enjoy, I reach for the phone forgetting she won’t be there to answer.  She was a big part of my day-to-day life.  We were very close and talked on the phone at least once a day.  Having that routine so abruptly altered is taking a great deal of adjustment and an overwhelming amount of tears.

During our lifetime, my mother had done many things for my brother and I without ever second guessing her motivation.  She was a mother first and everything else came second.  She would constantly put our needs ahead of her own.  She consoled us, cried for us and cried with us, she gave us every tool possible to become the strong, independent people we are today.

Up to her last breath she followed that mantra.  Although my mom had been sick for quite a while, the week leading up to her passing was one of her best in a long time.  She was feeling “fine”, physically better than she had in months and her spirit was completely lifted.  I have heard from many who have had a similar experience with their loved one – they seemed to rally back before their passing and it gave those around them that comfort of remembering their departed loved ones with more joy than sadness.

Her last selfless act as a mother was to leave us with memories of her being happy and not being sick.  The last day I spent with her was just like hanging out with her 20 years ago.  Her sense of humor was quick and twisted, and she had that spark in her eye that I remember so well.

I dream of her often and see her in little signs that she leaves in random things.  We miss you, mom, and hope you are enjoying those Angel wings.  You certainly deserve them.  xo



26 thoughts on “The last selfless act

  1. My mom and I are especially close. We have coffee together every Thursday morning. This post made me think of how thankful I am for that closeness, and how I will eventually have to experience — and find a way to live with — that empty space. Your Mom sounds like a wonderful and amazing woman who imparted many memories in your life — all of which are still reflected in you and through your writings of her, Susan 😉

  2. She sounds like my mom. I think it’s beautiful that you continue to post about your experiences and thoughts as you mourn. At times I just feel this is something I need to prepare myself for. I kind of have a dark way about me; I have imagined going through this process, but I never get very far because it is too painful. My mother just turned 68 and I still see her as my young, energetic mom, but reality sinks in and I recognize how her vitality is waning and she doesn’t think as clearly anymore. And the days are steadily coming that I begin to help her more than she would have ever allowed in the past, even holding her as she walks. I hate this inevitable change. And now I’m getting all negative on your blog and hopefully it doesn’t make things worse for you. Anyway, this is beautiful how you express your experience, and you’re beautiful for doing it.

    • Thanks Sage. I did the same thing when mom was sick, preparing for the worst. I never imagined it the way it happened but she went peacefully, which I am so thankful for. Enjoy all of the time you still have with your mom, and may it be many, many years. I’m sure you both cherish every moment you have together. xx

  3. Friday marked the second anniversary of my mother’s death and I “deal” better but still miss having her in my life. Even though for the last four years of her life she became someone I didn’t know and someone who didn’t know me, they were years of a different kind of closeness. In the end, she knew on some level I was there for her and someone loved her. That was enough. I am sorry for your loss but glad you were close to your mom.

  4. I logged in to let you know about something, and now I have a lump in my throat and I feel a bit awkward. I am so sorry you have lost your mother, it does help in time but although the physical part of your mom isn’t there, the love is still piled around you in heaps, I can tell that from your writing.

    Thomas Marlowe and me are starting a challenge to sit in the shadow of Trifecta You are very welcome to come and visit, we would love to see you. I am so sorry about your mother. Ten years down the line I still see things that remind me of my mother, and we were not so close. However now it is a happy reminder. Take care Lyssa M x

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