This is really a post for myself, perhaps to hold myself accountable for all the things I wish I had been doing differently lately but have not been doing. It is a kick in my ass, a wake-up call, a reminder that I shouldn’t feel guilty about putting myself first.
I have been feeling lost lately. It could easily be the November blahs, the thought of our first Christmas without my mom or the fact that I have been ignoring my health and putting on the pounds that I worked so hard to lose. Whatever the reason, I am not myself.
Up until now, I have spent a great deal of my life trying to “fix” other people – it’s just the way I am, the way I survived my youth and part of my failed marriage. But it’s time for me to realize that I am the one who is broken. It’s time for me to learn from my past and realize the only person I can fix is myself because I don’t like this feeling of being broken.
The nagging feeling in the back of my mind is not depression but the lethargy I am feeling is a warning sign. I need to start participating in my life. I need to sum up all of those lessons I learned from my past and use them to forge ahead into my future, a future where I am the driver and not the passenger. A future where I make my own map and am not tagging along on someone else’s journey.
With a little bit of effort on my part, I can harness that energy that is lying dormant and forge boldly into my future. The slate is blank and I can make of it whatever I want it to be.
Dear Future, I AM ready.