Category Archives: emotion

The opposite of hello

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goodbye

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” ~ A.A. Milne

~

I write this post through swollen eyes and saturated shirt sleeves.  Tonight while watching a scripted episode of a television show I witnessed a group of friends bid farewell to, not only a fellow cast member but, a confidant, a lover and a friend.  And although it was scripted, it was a heart-wrenching hour that brought any of the goodbyes I have ever experienced bubbling to the surface of my emotions because it was a genuine farewell to a person who will no longer be in their day-to-day realities.  The poignant words of the writing team were presented with a deep honesty because the melancholy was sincere and the pain was palpable.

Anyone who has lost someone can relate to the despair I am currently feeling.  Memories of the anguish I felt in the moments of my own losses came flooding back and I envisioned the struggle I endured to force myself to change the definition of those bonds.  I cried for their pain and I cried for my own pain.  The most difficult part of saying goodbye is knowing that you had something remarkable in your life and it was taken away before you were ready to part ways.

Living through a loss is inevitable.  We can never fully prepare ourselves for the roller coaster of emotion that follows that loss. Death is hardest on those left here to endure the sadness.  It is a closed door that can never be opened again but I hold strong to the faith that what lies beyond that closed door is filled with happy memories and moments that can be cherished by watching the movie of the life they lived.  

The bonds we have with those who have left us still remain.  The parameters of that relationship may have been vastly altered but the connections we have still exist.  We have memories to cherish and, in time, reminiscing will make that goodbye a little less painful and allow the happy memories to outweigh the grief.

Pity party….table for one

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We all have those moments where life’s proverbial bullies gang up on us and we shrivel into a ball and feel sorry for ourselves. We become so overwhelmed with negative things that our mechanism for coping pops a few springs and lays useless at our feet.  But self pity is like a rocking chair…..it gives you something to do, but it really gets you nowhere.  (Thank you, Van Wilder, for that gem of wisdom)

Still, sometimes it is difficult to pull ourselves out of that funk and move into a more positive realm.  Self pity can be all-encompassing.  Once we let it into our mind, it takes root and wraps itself deeply into the soil of our emotions.  When something comes along to crush our spirit, every bad thing that follows seems to compound that helpless feeling and we begin to lose our buoyancy in a churning sea of despair.

We tend to be pessimistic and convince ourselves that more bad karma will follow when instead we should be sending out positive thoughts to get back that affirming energy.  We need to rethink the whole picture and realize that the small obstacles that have presented themselves do not define the rest of our lives. Our emotions become exaggerated and self-indulgent and we tend to ignore the rest of the world still revolving around us.

We need to make a pact with ourselves to not indulge in that obsessive behaviour.  Gratitude and self-pity are bitter enemies.  If we take time from our “pity party” to think about all the things we should be grateful for, eventually the affirmations of all the good in our lives will counter-balance the scales.

Every negative occurrence in our lives can be seen as an opportunity to learn from that experience.  Instead of wallowing in a mire of self-pity, step back for a moment and realize that the positive things in your life far outweigh the negative aspects.  Put an end to that pity party, get a good night’s sleep, and start the next day with a new outlook.  You’ll be amazed what a new attitude will bring.

Everlasting – Trifextra challenge

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Souls met across time

Bonded by their destiny

Love follows its fate

souls_destiny_by_atros17-d4gxeqm

(image credit: deviantart.com)

Written for the weekend Trifecta Challenge:  This weekend’s prompt comes from Hello, Cheney, whose lapse in memory was a
happy accident for us.  This weekend we’re asking you to harken back to your
grade school days and write a haiku.  No word restrictions, just stick to the
structure as defined below.  And check out Cheney’s turkey post
for an example.

HAIKU
(noun)

: an unrhymed verse form of Japanese origin having three lines
containing usually five, seven, and five syllables respectively

You could be

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You could be the one I was meant to be with

You could be the one I think of as I fall into my dreams

You could be my waking thought

You could be the one I want to share my laughter with

And you could be the shoulder I was meant to cry on

You could be the one who appreciates my strengths

And you could be the one to challenge my weaknesses

You could be the soul that was searching for mine

You could be

You could be the sun in my cloudy day

You could be the rain in my drought

You could be my voice of reason

And you could be the balance in my scale

You could be the one I turn to in times of stress

You could be the voice that makes me smile

You could be the one who makes me believe in fate

And you could be the one I should have met years ago

You could be

The countdown begins

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“Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.”

~ H.H. The Dalai Lama

It never ceases to amaze me.  Human behavior, whether good or bad, has enough energy to directly affect our own sense of self.  I am a calm person.  I have always had a great sense of peace about me and am quick to find the good in situations and in people.  But my faith in human nature takes a strong nose-dive when tourist season begins.

When you grow up in a small town or a small community, there is a true sense of peace knowing your neighbors and being familiar with those around you.  You learn to expect a certain level of camaraderie and happiness.  The members of the community embrace you and are quick with a smile and a genuinely warm hello.

With the arrival of the Canada Day long weekend, that seems to have changed.  No longer will you find the locals out shopping at all hours of the day and carrying on conversations as if nothing were more important.  Now those locals are hidden behind the doors of their homes, emerging only in the early hours of the day to do their shopping to avoid the onslaught of tourists.  The freedom of being able to enjoy our tiny town has vanished.

crowd

(image credit: theinertia.com)

I ventured out too late this morning and became caught in the vortex of that familiar angst and cynicism that seems to travel North on Highway 400 and vacation here during the months of July and August.  Everyone is in a rush to get everywhere and tempers are short.  I arrived at my familiar grocery store, exited my vehicle and my eardrums were pierced with two unfamiliar voices arguing about the angled parking  job of one of the overwhelmingly expensive vehicles in the parking lot.  I guess the memo about relaxing while on vacation was never sent!

We, as a community, have 10 short weeks to ‘make hay while the sun shines’, as the old saying goes.  For as much as these tourists treat us as an inferior breed of humans, they are a grand part of our existence.  So we grin and bear it….and we begin the countdown to Labor Day Monday.

Like animals emerging from hibernation, we allow ourselves to come out of our homes and once again greet the land and our surroundings after that glorious September long weekend.  We take deep breaths of fresh air and greet our friends with a smile, having survived another two months of insanity.  The local pub patios are packed with locals happily waving at the cars as they make their way back to their concrete jungle.  On rare occasions, streakers have been known to hit the streets with signs, wishing the tourists a safe ride home.  (well, it may have been worded differently, but you get the idea).

Until that day comes, I will do my best not to let the stress of these visitors infect my happy disposition.  66 days to go….but who’s counting??

More than merely notes on a page

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“Without music, life would be a mistake.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

I could live the rest of my life without television, but take music from me and you may as well send me into my next incarnation.  Music has a way of taking what was wrong and making it right.

After a long day the right song choice is the consummate escape to find my way back to myself.  Closing the car door in the office parking lot, starting the engine and letting that perfect song selection caress my mind is such a welcome close to any hectic day.

When you find inspiring music and let it seep into your soul, it’s much more than just listening to a song.  Those notes and harmonies can take you out of your current existence and transport you to a new state of being.  The songs become so much more than notes on a page, they become transcendent.

notes on a page

I have a very eclectic compilation of music that I enjoy and, each day that I want to peel back the layers of my hectic life and just relax, the song is never the same.  My diverse taste allows me a greater freedom in finding that right choice to help assuage the tension of every day life.  Those varying notes in that array of genres is the portfolio of my relaxation and escape.

I don’t ever defend my vast taste in music, I embrace it.  I am never at a loss for a tune that will suit the moment I am in, and that gives me a contented feeling.  My music can match any mood and any circumstance, and I will never be afraid to admit the extreme sides to my play list.

Recently that melodic portal of liberation has been opened by the beautiful tones of four soulful voices provided by The Tenors.  Music will always have a soothing quality but when you find the right blend of melody and harmony the result is an emotionally soothing journey.  My goal is to meet these four Canadian boys!

Music is much more than just notes on a page.  Music is a memory. Music is a feeling.  Music is the collection of notes at the heart of your soul.

Lucky number three – Trifextra post

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She waited at the gates for her turn.  She had been reincarnated twice before and found him late in her last life.  Their souls were destined for love.  Third time is the charm.

~

Written for the Trifextra post: On to the new prompt.  This weekend we’re asking for 33 of your own words inspired by the idiom, third time’s the charm.  This familiar phrase may have an indeterminate origin, but its meaning is clear.  Whether or not you include the phrase itself is up to you.  Just make sure to use exactly 33 words.  And, as usual, have fun with it!

Make your own rules – Trifecta Challenge

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The painted cedar shingle hung precariously above the door.  An old wooden ladder had been haphazardly tied at the top rung to the branch of the tree but the placement of its feet were firm enough in the ground to be safe for access to the tree house.  The boys had vacated its four walls a few hours earlier and the fortress that they called their club sat empty.

After nimbly climbing the rungs of the ladder she surveyed the forbidden clubhouse.  Comic books were stacked in the corners of the room, posters of super heroes adorned the walls and the wooden structure was permeated with the smell of dirt. Sun shone through the cracks in the one-by-six construction boards and reflected off the jar in the corner half-filled with coins.

Although it was only a quarter, she felt the weight of the coin in her pocket.  Too many times she had heard the laughter and camaraderie escaping from those walls and she longed to be part of it.  She slowly retraced her steps down the ladder and headed for the garage.

Bracing the air rifle and taking the proper stance, she aimed at the sign that hung over the entrance to the club.  Lining up target in her sight, she squeezed the trigger and the pellet tore through the shingle, splintering off the top piece of the wood.  The sign now read “Girls allowed”.

no girls allowed

(image credit: bestofcalvinadhobbes.com)

Waiting patiently for what seemed like hours, she finally heard the boys return.  She marched across the lawn and climbed the ladder, rung by rung, until she reached the threshold of the one place she truly wanted to be.  Knowing she would be met with the many arguments that no girls were allowed she entered clubhouse, the threw her quarter into the jar and defiantly sat cross-legged on the wooden floor.

With a slight smirk she remarked, “That’s not what the sign says.”

A wink and a smile

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I like the fact that simple things still make me smile.  There is something about a wink that lifts my spirits…..it makes me feel like that shared moment was just for me.  A wink can warm my soul and make me feel more connected to the person taking the time to make the gesture in the first place.

There is an inherent difference between the joking, fun wink with the silly face and the genuine ‘I feel a connection’ wink that is far more heart-felt. A wink can communicate an unspoken string of words that compels the person receiving it to smile in return.

A wink can have many underlying meanings.  A single wink can signify solidarity in a friendship, an implication of a closeness shared by two people.  It can represent a shared secret and that simple gesture can bond two people in a mischievous way by allowing them to communicate without words.

wink

Winking can also be used to convey approval, but the most widely sought after wink is the provocative wink that may affirm a more intimate connection.  The wink that makes you blush and feel giddy, makes your heart beat a little faster and catches your breath in your throat.  If the wink has the desired effect the somewhat shy, flirtatious smile from the person receiving the wink is the natural response.

Successful relationships of any nature are based on open dialogue, discussion and honesty.  But in today’s modern romance fewer words and a simple wink can go a long way.  😉

Happy Father’s Day – a message to Heaven

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My dad passed away over seven years ago.  I miss his smile, I miss his laugh and I miss the good times we used to have.  This is a poem I wrote when they dedicated a freshly planted tree and and a plaque to him in our new community park after his passing.  Happy Father’s Day to my dad and to all the dads out there.  I hope you are able to create memories with your kids that will last a lifetime.

new-52

(my dad)

~

We give these gifts of nature in your name,

To forever keep you near.

To take root in a place you kept close to your heart,

And represent the things you hold dear.

Your rock will remind us to always be strong,

And to remain solid in the lives we love.

And follow in the examples you gave us in life,

As you look on us from above.

Your tree will remind us to accept the changes,

Of seasons that come and go.

As the tree becomes bare at times in our life,

New leaves will blossom in time to show.

That nature is beautiful and life has a season,

but all things do come to an end.

And with each change and leaf that is lost,

Family and friendships help mend.

Branches sway in the winds of time,

And your whispers will be heard in the breeze.

Your memory lives on in the nature around us,

The air, the rocks, the trees.