Category Archives: life

Journey back to me

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It was a collaboration week for me last week and this time I put some words together with TwinDaddy from Stuphblog.  I’m sure you all know him and if you don’t, you are missing out!!  Take a few minutes to check out his diversity and genuine talent.  Here is what we came up with.

Journey back to me

I put you up there

not knowing that you would fall.

The pulse of the rain matched my heart beat

as I watched you tumble from that pedestal I put you on.

When our love ended, you had further to fall.

 My illusion of you faded.

Your ruse succumbed to reality

as softly as a leaf falls from its tree.

That pedestal floated gently to the ground

when at last you unveiled your true self.

Although my heart was shattered,

it was easier for me to pick up the discarded pieces.

I recognized those parts of myself that I lost,

eviscerated pieces of my soul that you took.

I could finally begin to rebuild the person I was.

Piece by piece, brick by brick,

a new masterpiece painfully crafted.

A new me, a stronger me

able to withstand torrential emotions,

lithe enough to dodge abusive traps.

Your journey was a plunge to the death of the disguise.

My path was a quest to rebuild what was taken.

I emerge stronger, my scars will heal.

I take back what was rightfully mine.

I put myself up on that pedestal.

pedestal

Fragments of myself

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I have been reflecting a lot lately – looking back at the phases of my life where I defined myself in terms of my relationships with other people.  I even introduced myself with those titles.  I was always a daughter, a sister, a step-mom, a wife (now ex-wife) and it has only been recently that I have begun to describe myself in terms of who I really am – me.

All of those monikers are still a big part of who I am, or was, but they are only pieces of my bigger puzzle.  I have found new ways to describe myself that truly incorporate the essence of me and not just how my being relates to other people.  After years of missing the most integral part of who I am, I have found the proper words to define myself.

puzzle-pieces

(image credit: loridennis.com)

In the past, I had deconstructed myself and put smaller pieces of me into everyone else’s puzzle.  I was happy to be the daughter or the sister.  I didn’t feel lost nor did I feel any sense of being an incomplete person.  I merely slipped into the shadows of the lives around me.  I became an extension of them and the fault of that circumstance was all mine.

After many months of contemplative thought I have become aware of a new sense of self – a confidence to simply extend my hand and introduce myself with only my name.  There is no longer a follow-up delineation of how I relate to anyone other than myself.  I am, in the simplest of definitions, me.

Those fragments of myself constitute a big part of my life but they are no longer words I use to acquaint myself with anyone new in my life.  Eventually those pieces of my puzzle will fall into their rightful place but that place is not the definition of who I am.

Clinging to a life – Trifecta challenge

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Orbs of white light,

phantom spirits circling,

lingering, clinging to a life they once knew,

a life they chose not to leave.

The pull of emotion, of attachment,

keeps them here in physical world

longing to prove they still exist.

They travel with us through darkness,

longing to reach out, to touch flesh.

They reside with us in sleep.

They hover, watching us during our slumber.

They bathe in the light of our life force,

pausing  in the shadows,

unseen by the human eye.

They reveal themselves in pictures,

longing for us to feel their presence

and know that they are still with us.

They cloak us in comfort,

their love too strong to let us go,

too strong to pass fully to the other side.

orbs

~

(image credit: greatdreams.com)

Written for the Trifecta Challenge: Now, onto this week’s prompt. We’re still not totally spooked out by you guys yet and we’re a little way from Halloween proper so get your ghoul glad rags on again this week. If there’s anyone who puts the ghoul in ghoulish, it’s you lot. Have fun and, as always, make sure you use the THIRD definition. This week we are back to entries of 33-333 words.

PHANTOM (noun) 1   a :  something apparent to sense but with no substantial existence :  APPARITION      b :  something elusive or visionary      c :  an object of continual dread or abhorrence 2 :  something existing in appearance only

3 :  a representation of something abstract, ideal, or incorporeal – See more at: http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/#sthash.QecVLKnT.dpuf

The Silver Lining – 100 Word Challenge

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“What will Heaven be like?”  Her youthful eyes looked to him for answers.

His breathing tubes got in the way when he tried to speak to her. “You know when you see a really dark rain cloud and most of it is black?”

She nodded her agreement.

“Well, Heaven will be like those glorious slices of silver light that radiate around the cloud. Those little pieces of light give everyone hope for something better.”

She curled up under her Grandfather’s arm and held him as closed his eyes. She knew he was on his way to find that silver light.

clouds 008

Written for the 100-Word Challenge over at Julia’s Place.  Photo credit is all my own.

Don’t rain on my parade

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You get the sensation – the sudden feeling of elation.  The world seems to rotate on an axis to simply line all of your stars in the perfect cosmic placement.  The sky seems to be saturated with a deeper hue of blue, the air seems crisper and more full of promise than you ever remember and you find yourself smiling for no particular reason.  Things are finally going your way.

And then it happens.  One person, and it only ever takes one, says something to make you doubt the happiness that you are feeling and that balloon of contentment bursts.  Random pieces of that blissful moment lay in tatters at your feet, the skies mottle and the heavens open up to rain on your parade.

It’s a perverse world we live in when we can let others dictate what should make us happy.  The moments that cause us to smile uncontrollably should be locked in a private vault, only to be shared with precious few that will understand the true feelings behind that blissful expression.   True happiness is a rare discovery and those that are fortunate to have found it should not have that perception marred by the opinions of anyone other than themselves.

Your steadfast belief in what truly makes you happy cannot be argued – by anyone.  It is your head, it is your heart and it is your soul that leads you to true euphoria.  Always carry an umbrella, and don’t let anyone rain on your parade.

I am simply me

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I am me.  There is nothing more or less to me.  When you look at me you see me at face value and I am truly the sum of my parts.  I will never change to be anything other than who I am.

I-Am-Me.001

(image credit: sekutenetwork.com)

I have a great capacity to live my life the way I choose and no outside force will alter my path.  Some may not understand my journey but my path has been laid before me to follow and I do so willingly and without hesitation because this path is taken with the knowledge that I have carved it myself.  My road is created from a belief in who I am.  My road is paved with an understanding of my true identity and I am comfortable having my feet follow its winding path.

My road does not define me, I define it.  It is not sculpted from pettiness or jealousy, nor is it furrowed from frustration.  My road is simply an open path to my happiness and I follow it knowing that this is the journey I was meant to take.  It may not be the road chosen by many but this artery of life is meant for me.  It is unique and the fellow travelers I meet on this stretch of highway were meant to cross my path.

My journey to be me follows the beat of the incessant drumming only I can hear.  The mellifluous sounds keep my compass pointed in the right direction and I am happy to continue putting one foot in front of the other.  I will never again stray from my path because this passage allows me to be the truest version of myself.  It allows me to simply be me.

Guess my name – Trifextra Challenge

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His eyes had sinister charm and I was drawn to him.  He was precisely my type.  I was pleased to meet him but he would be like the others.  No names were exchanged.

***

Written for the Trifextra weekend challenge –

This week we’re asking for 33 of your own words inspired by this classic song by The Rolling Stones.  Good luck!

Add your link here!

– See more at: http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/#sthash.9qsmxueq.dpuf

The opposite of hello

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goodbye

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” ~ A.A. Milne

~

I write this post through swollen eyes and saturated shirt sleeves.  Tonight while watching a scripted episode of a television show I witnessed a group of friends bid farewell to, not only a fellow cast member but, a confidant, a lover and a friend.  And although it was scripted, it was a heart-wrenching hour that brought any of the goodbyes I have ever experienced bubbling to the surface of my emotions because it was a genuine farewell to a person who will no longer be in their day-to-day realities.  The poignant words of the writing team were presented with a deep honesty because the melancholy was sincere and the pain was palpable.

Anyone who has lost someone can relate to the despair I am currently feeling.  Memories of the anguish I felt in the moments of my own losses came flooding back and I envisioned the struggle I endured to force myself to change the definition of those bonds.  I cried for their pain and I cried for my own pain.  The most difficult part of saying goodbye is knowing that you had something remarkable in your life and it was taken away before you were ready to part ways.

Living through a loss is inevitable.  We can never fully prepare ourselves for the roller coaster of emotion that follows that loss. Death is hardest on those left here to endure the sadness.  It is a closed door that can never be opened again but I hold strong to the faith that what lies beyond that closed door is filled with happy memories and moments that can be cherished by watching the movie of the life they lived.  

The bonds we have with those who have left us still remain.  The parameters of that relationship may have been vastly altered but the connections we have still exist.  We have memories to cherish and, in time, reminiscing will make that goodbye a little less painful and allow the happy memories to outweigh the grief.

‘Til Disaster do us Part – Trifecta Challenge

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It was a mistake.  It was a disastrous mistake and one that he should never have discovered.  It only happened once, okay maybe more than once but, to her, it really meant nothing.

Her day had begun perfectly.  The sunrise was breathtaking and the streams of light tickled the beading on her designer wedding dress as they rose to greet the morning.  One Mimosa turned into several as her bridesmaids tended to her every need.  Hair was curled, make-up was applied and swollen feet were wedged into dyed stilettos.

Their vows drew tears from family and friends, promises of a love eternal, but below the surface it was all a lie.  He played the part of the dutiful groom, picking up the train of her dress when she walked and catering to her every whim.  All of his smiles for the photographs seemed so genuine and full of love.  If she had only seen the hurt and anger bubbling below the superficial quality of his grin.

His thank-you speech began as she has seen him rehearse it many times but what followed was a shocking turn of events.  She was initially intrigued but her curiosity suddenly turned to horror as his words fell heavily on her ears.  The sea of dismayed and tortured looks rested solely on her.  Each guest held a photo in their hands of a moment in time she would regret for the rest of her life.  Three days before the wedding she had slept with the best man and every person in the room held photographic evidence of her betrayal.

Her exit from the reception felt like it was in slow motion.  The limousine that waited to whisk them away to their honeymoon sat idle and she jumped in the back seat.  They drove for an eternity and finally found a small, seedy pub in the middle of nowhere.  She entered and ordered a drink.  “Give me a Zombie, and keep them coming until I turn into one”.

drunk bride

Written for the Trifecta Weekly Challenge and inspired by what is, most-likely, an urban legend.  (Photo credit: flickr.com)

And now, the weekly prompt.  Make sure you’re using the THIRD definition of the word, as always.  Good luck and bottoms up!
1
usually zombi

a :  the supernatural power that according to voodoo belief may enter into and reanimate a dead body

b :  a will-less and speechless human in the West Indies capable only of automatic movement who is held to have died and been supernaturally reanimated

b :  a person markedly strange in appearance or behavior

2
a :  a person held to resemble the so-called walking dead;especially :  automaton

Life in a costume – Trifextra challenge

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He did what everyone expected of him.  His screams cut through All Hallows’ Eve and the full moon only served to intensify his anguish. His cries echoed. His mask can never be removed.

swamp_illustration

Artist credit: Dan Duford
www.poisonedplayground.com

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Written for the Trifextra Weekend Challenge – Give us the 33 words that follow this illustration.  What happens next?