Category Archives: moods

Pieces of Me

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Taking the day off yesterday was just what the doctor ordered.   I had put my faith in Mother Nature to provide some sun for my entertainment, but she must have been busy shining elsewhere.  Left to my own devices, I decided to delve into the creative aspects of my life that I have shelved for too many years.  Writing is a cathartic and brilliant way to release the thoughts in my head, but getting back into a tactile artistic passion that seems to have been forgotten was a great way to spend the afternoon.

I used to love calligraphy when I was in high school and I was always doing one form of craft or another, so a cloudy afternoon was spent indoors with some paint, some brushes and a piece of wood.  I had been trying for a while to set aside some time to create a new sign for the end of my driveway and yesterday inspiration struck and creativity flowed.  This is the beginning of the sign that I hope to finish today.

new sign

In getting back into the crafty aspect of myself, I found a piece of me that had been missing.  I began to realize how many of those small enjoyments I have been ignoring over the years because I was letting work and the needs of others take priority.  I vowed to myself that I will start to put my needs first and make time to do the things that I enjoy.  I only get to live this life once and I don’t want to look back with regret wondering why I let my life pass me by and I didn’t participate as much as I could.  I don’t want to be on the sidelines doing things for other people and not be in the game.

Today is a beautiful, sunny day and I will be on my deck wrapped in a warm sweater with a paint brush in my hand.  Today I’m back in the game.

I have a feeling I’ve answered this before – Daily Prompt

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The Daily Prompt asks us: Have you ever truly felt déjà vu, the sensation that you’ve already had the experience you’re currently having?

I have experienced deja vu many times and each time it feels somewhat unnerving.  The feeling that you’ve been in the same situation in some alternate reality, knowing or feeling that you can predict the next couple of seconds, is an interesting phenomenon.

I am a believer in reincarnation, so perhaps my willingness to fathom the anomaly is somewhat justified.  And maybe I am just using reincarnation as an excuse to believe there is a potential reason behind an inexplicable occurrence.  I don’t know why it happens, or how it happens, but that doesn’t change the existence of the eerie feeling that I succumb to on the odd occasion.

deja-vu

(image credit: ghostwiki.blogspot.com)

It is possible that souls who are linked throughout different lifetimes are brought into the same types of situations to deal with them at another time and another place.  I have experienced some strange moments where I could completely justify that belief.  There would be no other reason to accept the course of action that ensued to make anything else seem plausible.  There was an instinctual understanding of the other person that I could not have known prior to that day, and, thinking back on that day, I am still mystified.

Have you ever experienced a predicament like deja vu that you couldn’t explain?

Where did I go?

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Perhaps it is the late arrival of Spring weather and the snow still blanketing my lawn.  Or perhaps it’s the amount of work I have piled on my desk that seems to keep accumulating.  Regardless of the reason, I don’t feel like myself.  I don’t feel any impending sense of doom, I just feel like I’m suffocating, drowning in the things that are going on around me and I can’t seem to come up for air.

It’s a disturbing feeling for me.  I’ve always been the one to hit things head on and face each challenge as it comes.  I’ve never wallowed in self-doubt or self-pity, but these last few weeks have painted an Picasso-like portrait of a person quite different from the paint-by-numbers picture I’ve seen in the mirror all my life.  Each day I would fill in the missing colors and paint the spots with the hue that best represents my mood.   Generally the colors were bright and cheerful.

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I thought I was back on the path to being myself again on Sunday after sitting on my deck and soaking up some sun for an hour.  As I lazily looked up into the afternoon sky, the ring around the sun seemed to reflect my feeling of something lurking out there, waiting to descend.  The old saying goes “ring around the sun or moon, means snow or rain are coming soon”.  One quick look at the weather forecast confirms possible accumulation of 2 cm of snow on my birthday.

I am hoping the anticipated appearance of Spring will happen soon.  Once the aroma of freshly awakened earth and the sound of spring birds start to permeate the air, I am confident that my mood will sing and soar with those birds.

If anyone has any nice spring weather you can spare – I’d be happy to send you my address.  🙂

Putting some life back in my life

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I finally took my own advice.  I threw caution to the wind and ignored the voices in my head telling me to go in to work on a Sunday to try to get caught up.  Instead, I took my mom out shopping, chopped the rest of the snow and ice from my deck and am about to embark on a lazy afternoon sitting in the very welcome sunshine.  Perhaps I will find myself with my Kindle in one hand and a glass of wine in the other.  My options are limitless.  I may even dig out my fire pit and recreate this lovely scene below.  There is nothing better than coming inside after a day of fresh air and smelling like freshly burned wood.

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Those inner voices are now quieted (with some well placed duct tape) and my head is free of disruptions.  I have always had a difficult time silencing those inner distractions and letting myself just relax and enjoy the day, but I’m taking back control of my thoughts.  Today is a day I put some real life back into my life and breath in the fresh spring air, feel the warmth of the sun kissing my cheeks and watch the day go by from the comfort of my deck chair.

Happy Sunday everyone!

The Days I need to learn to forget

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Life moves at a million miles an hour.  And so many times I feel engulfed by its pace and overwhelmed by the many things I have to balance on a daily basis. It feels like several days attack me all at once, but I have to learn to step back and change the pace of that onslaught.

There are always two days in every week that I should learn to ignore.  With everything I have going on in my life, these two days do nothing to help me live in the moment.  Yesterday and tomorrow always weigh heavily on me and distract me from the here and now.  I focus too much on what I didn’t accomplish yesterday and think forward too often about what is waiting for me tomorrow and I forget to live in the present.

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(image courtesy of babydearlyn.blogspot.com)

I need to embrace each day as an opportunity to live life to the fullest and accept whatever challenges may face me on that one day.  There is no sense in worrying about what tomorrow will bring, because I will never truly know that.  And  there is no point in reliving yesterday, because it is over.  I cannot change the past.  It will reflect itself in my present, sure, but I can choose how much power I give to that reflection.

I need to lay yesterday to rest and not consume myself with thoughts of tomorrow.  I must give myself permission to meet the obligations and promise of each day with an open mind and an open heart.  One day at a time will let me absorb all of the life that day has to give without being consumed by the days that lay behind or lay ahead.  Those days, I cannot change.

My favorite saying (and my email address in short form) is Carpe Diem – Seize the Day.  Life happens – there is nothing I can do to stop the moving freight train of time and only I can choose how I ride that train.  I can look out behind me and see where I’ve been, I can look ahead and ponder where I am headed, or I can embrace the vibration of the life flowing through the train and live in the moment. The choice is mine.

Today, I am making the conscious choice to forget all of the things I didn’t accomplish at work yesterday.  I cannot go back and do anything differently.  Today, I am making a concerted effort not to think about the fact that I will be sitting  in my office on Sunday catching up on the paperwork that has eluded me this week.  Today, I am going to empty sap from the buckets hanging from those towering Maple trees.  Today I am going to shovel the remains of Mother Nature’s perverse sense of humor from my deck and sit in the sun with a glass of wine in my hand.  Today, I am going to live only for today.

How will you live your day today?

Always look on the bright side of life

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In my limited pool of knowledge, I have found that there are two types of people in the world – those who love Monty Python, and those who don’t.  That may be a very broad assumption, and one that has been purely based on my personal experience and nothing else.  The people I have encountered have very distinct opinions on the subject and sway very heavily to one side when it comes to the British comedy.  You may be perched on the fence, or have no opinion at all, but this post is based on the myriad of people who have shared their strong opinion with me.

It is not a subject I bring up haphazardly in conversation, but there comes the inevitable moment when I unwittingly kick a reference to Monty Python into a conversation.  It either completely misses  the uprights and lands uselessly in a blank faced crowd, or it sails right down the middle, scores and the crowd jumps to its feet.  It can be the most innocent of comments but Monty Python fans recognize it immediately and a look of happiness glazes their face when they identify with one of their own.  In mere seconds, they have responded with another piece of Python repartee and an entirely new conversation spins in a warped direction.

silly walk

(photo credit: tumblr.com)

I wasn’t introduced to the genius of Monty Python until much later in my life, but I certainly made up for lost time by watching those comedic geniuses incessantly.  Python fans seem to have an undefinable bond.  Without even beginning a conversation, I have had friends walk past me in public places doing their best impression of the Minister of Silly Walks and I can’t contain my laughter.  When I lived in Halifax, we would have Monty Python nights and the group of friends who were as fixated as we were would gather around our television set.  We were all able to quote 90% of the lines in each movie (sad, but true) and we even used small wooden salad bowls to emulate the coconut horse hooves in the Holy Grail.  Obsessed?  Perhaps.  But those are some of my fondest memories.

There are nights when I am feeling less than my usual exuberant self and Monty Python seems to be the only thing that can bring me out of my funk.  The Meaning of Life finds its way into my DVD player, the machine that goes “PING” pings and all is right in my world once again.

Time to weigh in friends – what is your quest?  What is your favorite color?  Which side of Python are you on?

She cannae take any more, Captain. She’s gonna blow!

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People handle stress in very different ways and each of us have varying extremes when it comes to our breaking point.  Some are lucky and are able to desensitize themselves to the perils that compound normal levels of stress, while others become weighed down and feel like they are shouldering the burdens of the world.  I am perched precariously in the middle.

I have a pretty high tolerance for stress.  I can quell the volcano of emotion that begins to rise by merely separating the things I can control from the things I cannot and putting out those smaller fires, one by one.   I don’t always win that battle but I do make a concerted effort to not let things bother me that are out of the grasp of my command.

But stress has a funny way of being able to continue a slow burn without any alarms going off.  It smolders behind walls and can ignite spontaneously when it recognizes the slightest bit of exhaustion or defeat.  Exhaled oxygen will spark the embers and the fire of stress breathes new life.  I didn’t feel the heat emanating but the flames got the best of me and, when the inferno had died down slightly, the fiery beast had etched its charcoal marks deep under my skin.

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(photo credit: earthtimes.org)

My tension is now stored neatly in large charred knots under my shoulder blades.  The volcano of stress is no longer spewing lava and lighting fires as it goes, but it is laying dormant under my muscles, reminding me that it has the power to erupt with the slightest sign of newly induced tension.  Any rupture in my otherwise calm facade will bring bubbling magma to the surface and give new life to that slow burn.  Time for some deep breathing and a calming glass of wine!

How does your stress affect you?  Is it an easily controlled burn, or does it rage out of control?

The cover looked so good

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The bar was at capacity and the air was electric.  The band was loud and the crowd was euphoric, floating on the notes of the songs and dancing like nobody was watching.

He saw me first.  I was at the bar doing everything I could to get the bartender’s attention when he casually slipped in beside me.  With one flick of his hand he elicited a response from the bartender and my drink was ordered for me.  It wasn’t what I was drinking, but I guess he assumed I would enjoy it because it was free.

He was attractive and seemed to ooze charm.  We became engaged in conversation and I was drawn in by his deep blue eyes.  There was a merriment in those eyes and his words fell on deaf ears until I regained my composure and began to participate in the rhetoric.  My attempts to interject words into his monologue, however, were in vain and all I could do was sip the foreign liquid in my glass, nod my head and smile.  I did manage to utter a few “mmm hmmm’s” to make it seem like I was mildly interested.

His inflated ego began to infect my mood.  The conversation revolved solely around him and the walls felt like they were closing in.  I was beginning to suffocate as he used all the available air to continue to talk about himself.  I slowly began to back away from the bar and I don’t even think he noticed.  I lost myself in the swaying crowd and found my way to the door.  As I glanced back to look at him one more time, he was still talking but there was nobody there to listen.

The outward look of him held so much promise.  Too bad the meat of his story contained only one word repeatedly typed on every page – me, me, me.  I should know better than to judge a book by its cover.

~

This post was written for the Trifecta Challenge:

Please pay attention to the third definition this week.  If your post has to do with bacteria or disease, you’ve likely misused the word.

INFECT
1: to contaminate with a disease-producing substance or agent (as bacteria)
2a : to communicate a pathogen or a disease to
b : of a pathogenic organism : to invade (an individual or organ) usually by penetration
c : of a computer virus : to become transmitted and copied to (as a computer)
3a : contaminate, corrupt <the inflated writing that infects such stories>  
b : to work upon or seize upon so as to induce sympathy, belief, or support <trying to infect their salespeople with their enthusiasm>

Mirror, mirror

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This post is written for the weekend Trifecta Challenge:  This weekend we’re asking for exactly 33 words inspired by the following photo.  Please remember that if you use the photo on your own blog, you must give proper credit (with clickable links).

Photo credit: Bérenger ZYLA / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

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Life’s mirror reflects the things that I hold close.  It may not involve truth, but it involves dreams.  My dreams.  And it will only make me see the things I want to see.

Choose your words wisely

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There is a myriad of words in the English language to choose from that will accurately portray feelings.  We must go gently into that good thesaurus to succinctly define our emotions.  Words can embody beauty and timelessness, but words can also be weapons.  Words can sting and they can leave scars if not used properly.

The word “hate” is a word I try to use as little as possible.  There are very few things in this world I can honestly say I hate.  There are many things I dislike, even dislike intensely, but hate is such an absolute word and it delivers a large impact for such a small word.  If I am vehemently against something, I will do my utmost to modify my language before I allow that powerful four letter word to escape my lips.  The word hate, to me, is like nails on a chalkboard.

hate

(photo credit – creativeclass.com)

Feeling an extreme aversion to something is a normal human experience.  I have an immense distaste for liver and onions, but I have found many other ways to discuss my negative feelings about the memories of those dinners served long ago rather than use the word hate.

I hear the word hate tossed around so casually and wonder if the people using that figure of speech understand how harsh a word it truly is.   I’m sure if I looked through a magic crystal ball, I would see myself in public school using the word hate several times, not truly comprehending the consequence of using such a powerful expression.  Hate conjures feelings of bitterness and rage in the person using it and elicits sadness and depression in the person receiving it.

Hate is like a virus that slowly spreads through us and pollutes our emotions.  I have the misfortune of feeling that hatred for one person that has affected my life, or more so the life of my brother.  It was twenty-two years ago and that horrible emotion still bubbles to the surface when I think of her.  That one person made me realize the overwhelming feeling associated with that tiny word and she is the only person that embodies the emotion associated with the intense dislike it defines.

Words can be beautiful, but words can also be ammunition.  If misused, those words can cause a great deal of pain and affect people long after those idioms have been uttered.  Each of us has the power to keep our weapon of language holstered – choose your words wisely.