A single wish

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The glow burned my eyes but I couldn’t take my gaze from its mesmerizing emanation.  It stood like a sentinel, guarding my emotion.  Although it was a single flame, that lone candle represented the one person I wished was here with me.

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Through the looking glass

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I generally have a good handle on my emotions but circumstances of late have made that handle much more difficult to grasp.  I feel like I have boarded a train that has sped into a murky tunnel and I have no idea what awaits me on the other side.  Perhaps that is the most difficult part for me since I usually have a well thought out plan and I feel, now, like I am slightly clueless.

Alice had the benefit of being able to see beyond the glass into the world she was able to observe.  Her situation gave her the advantage of knowing what awaited her on the other side and any foresight into a situation is welcomed knowledge.

It is difficult, having moved forward into that mirror, feeling gravity pulling me in the rest of the way and, blindly assuming that the other side will be as beautiful as it is in my dreams.

I can only continue through that looking glass and hope that my intuition and my gut are leading me the right way and that the fate I am wishing for awaits me on the other side.

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‎”Alice through the Looking Glass” Sculpture located in Guildford’s Castle Grounds.

 

It’s not about the distance

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shoes-worn-out

You see my shoes,

and you think they might fit you.

You may even wrongly assume

that they had very little wear,

and you could walk much further than a mile.

But my treads are worn,

reduced to a thin layer of rubber,

marred by a life of experience.

Perhaps my shoes are similar to yours,

maybe even close to the same size,

but my shoes will not fit you,

as I expect yours would not feel comfortable on my feet.

This road has been mine to follow,

as your trail was carved out for you.

Conceivably, our winding paths have crossed on purpose,

but your journey is yours, as mine belongs to me.

And as much as you think my shoes will fit,

your feet were meant for your shoes

just as mine were meant for me.

I hope one day we will share a walk,

and our shoes will take many steps together.

And when that day comes,

I hope we walk much further than a mile.

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When the sun shines on June

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I have written many posts about my mom since she passed a little over two years ago.  Some of those stories have been light-hearted and as joyful as she was and some have been wrapped tightly in the veil of loss.

During the past two years, my mother has made it extremely clear that she has been doing her best to keep in touch.  While others may dismiss my belief in her presence, I know in my heart it is not fantasy.  It is not simply an extension of my overactive imagination.  It is not some arc angel named Jingobar trying to earn his wings.  It is my mother – I knew her well enough to know how she operates.

If I ever had any doubt, even one moment’s hesitation that she was working her magic from another realm, she made it perfectly clear last Wednesday night.  Without going into intricate detail, a great deal of my past culminated into a very emotional evening and, where I felt I had failed in the past, I encountered an overwhelming rush of emotion by feeling like I had finally made a difference.

After sharing a very touching conversation with a dear friend and wiping the remaining tears from my face, I walked back in to my living room.  The early evening sun was still streaming through my window as I sat down on my couch.  To my left, my grandfather’s writing desk was cast in half-shadow and half-sun.  When I took a moment to absorb the tableau in front of me, the tears returned.

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The candle on my desk, the one with my mother’s picture, was one of the few things bathed in the sunlight and that light, perhaps my mother’s light, projected a halo onto the wall behind it.  In the two years that her candle has sat innocently atop my desk, this anomaly has never occurred.  A brief twenty seconds later the image, and the sunlight, were gone.

My mom, June as we came to call after this story (click on the link), sent her message in her way and I got that message loud and clear.  There will never be a doubt that she is always with me when the sun shines on June.

 

Make a wish

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pyramid-of-khafre

The pyramid that represents my desires is simple.  Each wish is placed with careful consideration.  Each moment of hope is used as mortar in the cracks.  And at the pinnacle of that prism is the cherished knowledge that I dared to dream.

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microstories258

The good, the bad and the truth

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How quickly we lose our tenuous grasp on the things that used to seem so simple.  How fleetly we relinquish our grip.  How easily we let go of the reins only to watch those reins get wrapped up in the wheels of the coach we struggle to maintain control of as we steer ourselves into our future.

stagecoach(image credit)

In those rare moments in our lives, in the moments when we think we can marginally and genuinely separate the good from the bad, the truth will always do its best to expedite that process.  We are fools to think that we can fool ourselves.  And although good and bad are formidable opponents, the truth will always come out the victor.

Knowing our truth may sometimes feel like nothing more than a burden.  We may carry it with us, hidden under a shroud of secrecy, hoping that it remains hidden.  But eventually that truth becomes transparent, if not to others at least, to ourselves.  And in that moment, in that split second when we realize we can no longer pull the wool over our own eyes, the pressure of that burden no longer holds any weight.

Suddenly the reins are back in our hands.  That feeling of losing control is replaced by a new calm and the knowledge that everything that seemed to be bad can be good again.  The truth did, indeed, give us a sense of freedom and the moment we began believing in that truth, our change was inevitable.

Dealing with the good and the bad in ourselves is human nature.  That concept evolved long before we began our journey through this lifetime.  But being able to recognize the truth, to embrace the strength and the weakness that brought us to our truth, is the genuine definition of our character.

True strength is not measured by physical endurance alone.  True strength does sweat, it does bleed.  But it also cries, accepts, forgives and heals.  True strength inspires us to be better and, somewhere along that rugged path, our truth can inspire others as well.  #mjs

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I didn’t want to exhale

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I missed you a lot yesterday.

Some days are so much worse.

Lots of funny little memories

flooded back and overwhelmed me.

I thought I could smell your perfume,

Lily of the Valley,

and though it was faint,

even in the earliest days of spring,

with no blossoms to be seen anywhere,

I knew it was you,

and I didn’t want to exhale.

lily-of-the-valley

And when the smell of Spearmint gum

overwhelmed my senses,

sometime later in the afternoon,

it was like sneaking into your purse again,

to get a piece of that very gum,

and I didn’t want to exhale.

Those smells keep us connected,

like two worlds coming together

if only for a brief moment.

And no matter how far away you may seem,

those lingering scents make me know that you are here,

standing close to me,

always here when I need you,

and I don’t ever want to exhale.

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If you see me

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reflection

If you see my reflection,

 if my eyes look at you from ethereal places,

know that I am by your side.

I don’t have to be near you

to be with you.

You see me,

at the moment you are in my thoughts,

in the precious seconds

I get to be closer to you.

 Your reflection is in my heart.

It is in the air around me

and in the divine breath that lets me stay in this place.

If you see me,

it is because I never let go of you.

~~

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