Category Archives: be yourself

“Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor”

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The subject line of this post is a quote by Truman Capote.  I have always believed that not achieving instant gratification is a necessity.  Failure is life’s way of moving you in another direction and truly allowing you to appreciate eventually achieving that success you have been striving towards.

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“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
―     Thomas A. Edison

(image credit: enchantedlearning.com)

I think of myself as a success because I have failed.  My failures have given me a true sense of self and pushed me to want to attain that success that I covet.  Failure is not an end, it is only a beginning.  That defeat makes me rethink my original plan and construct a new plan, pushing me in a direction I may have not originally intended.

My failures do not define me, they strengthen me.   I can accept falling short of a goal but I could never live with myself if I gave up trying.  Just one line in the sand on the success side of my life is worth all of those hash marks in the failure column.  A few dashes of inadequacy and a sprinkling of botched attempts make that main course of success that much tastier!

100 word song – Take to the sky

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Suffocating in the palpable tension that filled the air, she sat with her arms crossed and refused to meet their eyes.  The lecture was always the same.  She could repeat it verbatim and sometimes did, which angered them even more.

Their voices escalated as the barrage of insults was thrown at her like daggers.  Their expectation level was unattainable.  The longer she listened, the more the words slowly morphed into voiceless sound waves.

They would never know her real gift.  Her body remained seated but her soul left, smiling.  She found true peace within herself and took to the sky.

leave your body

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Written for the 100 Word Song Challenge at My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog.  I’ve always been fascinated by stories of people claiming to be able to leave their physical body.  I didn’t know the story was going that way, but who am I to argue with my muse?

Sorry Harry, men and women CAN be friends

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chfriends

(image credit: Bill Watterson)

I am a tomboy.  I always have been and I’m sure, short of a lobotomy, I always will be.  I grew up with a brother four years my senior and I idolized him.  I wore his clothes, I brushed my hair in the same horrific fashion that he did (pictures from the 70’s are NEVER flattering!!) and I customized my mannerisms to be as close to his as possible. His friends became my friends.

During those formidable years as a young girl growing into adolescence I was always more comfortable around boys.  I never felt the inkling to have tea parties – I always wanted to be rough-housing and tossing the pigskin with the guys.  It was where I felt most comfortable and, to this day, it still is where I find my true self.  Don’t misunderstand, I do enjoy putting on a dress and feeling “pretty” every now and then but if I had my choice I would be shroud in a football jersey, a baseball cap and a comfy pair of jeans playing poker in a room full of dudes. That to me is home.

I have never thought of my platonic friendship with the opposite sex to be an oddity.   I have always been “one of the guys”.   It’s where I feel like I fit in.  The male friends I have had throughout my life have never made me feel like an outsider.  I am in NO way discounting the many women in my life that I have the good fortune call friends.  There is an inherent connection with those strong and vivacious women that I hold dear to my heart and there is no comparison to the depth of friendship I have with them.  Women will always have a strong bond with their female friends, as will men with their male friends.  The point of this post is to celebrate the friendships between men and women.

Television and movies have only perpetuated the impossibility of men and women just being friends by turning every story line into an eventual romance.  Modern day relationships based in reality can dispel that myth rather quickly.  Platonic love does exist between men and women and true friends are hard to come by.  So why should our friendships be defined by our gender?  Friendship isn’t about body parts.  It is about finding people also roaming on this planet who share a common thread.  They have the same likes and dislikes and understand how you work.

The archaic history of male and female relationships was based on a man and woman only relating to each other in their matrimonial home.  Times have changed.  Men and women can be friends….and very good friends.  Don’t let other’s interject their opinions into your friendships.  Break down the barriers, chisel through the ancient beliefs and regardless of the x or y, keep your friends close!

Motivation in my nation

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I’ve finally realized what has been missing this year, apart from a clean bill of health – I need a mantra – a string of words that I can repeat to myself to keep motivated while passing through this adventure called life. It’s interesting to take some time to think of what would be appropriate – what is going to inspire me on a daily basis.

After thinking about what could be my own personal mantra I finally settled on something that resonated with me: “Feed your mind, nourish your body”.

After all of the changes I’ve made in my life over the last two years this one really strikes a chord with me. From losing weight and learning how to properly feed my body, ending relationships that were toxic to me to starting this blog, it all seemed to fall into place. My body was craving the proper nourishment I was depriving it of and my mind was craving the attention of a myriad of words and ideas. Solved – feed your mind, nourish your body.

It’s such a simple run of words but something I can repeat to myself that will keep me focused on what has become most important to me as an individual. I now have it written on my fridge so if I feel I’m getting off my course it is there to remind me of where I was 24 months ago and where I am now.

Maybe you’ve always had your own mantra or maybe you’ve never even thought of the idea but it’s a simple thing to do, it costs no money and could potentially drive you to accomplish more that you thought possible.

If you already have one, I’d love to know what it is – and if you’ve never thought about it, give it a try. It may make a big difference in your daily life.

Taking my own advice

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I give excellent advice – to anyone other than myself.  I have many people ask my opinion and they feel very comfortable getting into very personal matters.  They trust my discretion and they know my words come from a place of empathy and understanding.  I’ve had many people over the years tell me that I should have been a Social Worker.  I have a great ability to listen and to give thoughtful and meaningful opinions or just listen when necessary.

I’ve learned over the years that I can dish it out, but I can’t take it – my own advice, that is, but today I listened to my gut and went to the walk-in clinic.  I know I’m sick when I willingly sit in a waiting room with a multitude of people with the same symptoms I have for a chance to feel better.

After the obligatory three hours between waiting room, exam room and lung test I was given my diagnosis as well as a prescription for some very strong antibiotics.  My seemingly benign flu had morphed into Pneumonia and the doctor was concerned that I had a lung infection as well.  A simple test proved that the lung infection was non-existent but Pneumonia is a big enough hurdle to jump over.

Learning to trust my gut when it comes to personal matters is going to be on the forefront of my goals for the new year.  I didn’t, and still don’t, feel as sick as I am but I’m certainly glad I followed some sage advice today and got myself to the clinic for a professional diagnosis.  I would have told everyone else to get to the doctor, but it took a nudge from a friend or two to take the advice I would have freely expelled to anyone else and get the help I needed.

If you are great at giving advice….take a moment and see if you are following your own wise words.  It was a good lesson learned for me today.

There will be no ringing, merely a silent welcome

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The end of the year is nigh. As the clock slowly discards the seconds and minutes of 2013 the mad preparations begin for those who want to ring in the New Year with a bang. Parties are planned, the guest lists are set and the decorations are waiting to be boldly displayed. The party hats are silently waiting in a corner soon to adorn the heads of the anticipated drunken guests and the blowers will soon be filled with alcohol saturated saliva. The song Auld Lang Syne will be warbled, some syllables will inevitably be missed by the inebriated choir, and some words will be hysterically incomprehensible.

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This year, once again, I am following a beloved tradition that I started a few years ago – I will welcome the new year at home with no loud music and no intoxicated visitors. Like Valentine’s Day, for me New Year’s Eve is a holiday that I cannot seem to celebrate with the same enthusiasm as others. January 1st is certainly a new beginning but it really is just another day. It does not wipe the slate clean going into that New Year but brings with it all of the memories and experiences from the previous year. I do enjoy embracing a new calendar year and do think about the potential that the year ahead may embody but I choose not to begin that new calendar year with my arms wrapped around a porcelain vessel while popping Alleve like Tic Tacs and drinking more water than a camel that bypassed every pond in the desert.

My New Year’s Eve is quiet, contemplative and subdued. My New Year’s Eve is filled with twinkling lights, rich harmonic voices and the company of my four-legged fur child.

The beef tenderloin is in the fridge, the extra-large uncooked shrimp are in the freezer and an aged Shiraz Cabernet blend that I have been saving is awaiting the countdown on December 31st. This is my perfect New Year’s Eve. This small piece of solitude and reflection before the beginning of a new year is my favorite way to welcome January 1st. There are no noise makers, there are no obscenely drunk people pin-balling from random pieces of furniture and there is no making excuses for leaving early before the big countdown. This is bliss.

After setting up the candles and starting The Tenors ‘Lead With Your Heart DVD’, I will open up the wine and remove the crystals. I will graciously let it breathe on its own for about 20 minutes before I assist in the process and begin giving it mouth to mouth for about three hours. I will let all of the bad moments of this past year remind me of the lessons I learned and I will let the good moments bathe me in a euphoric feeling that I will carry with me into 2014.

Happy New Year to you all and may 2014 be the best year yet!!

You are not a tree

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I am fortunate to be able to say that I am happy with my life.  I enjoy my job and the people I work with, I love my little house and the privacy it affords me and I love living in Muskoka.  Not everything in my life has been picture perfect but that awareness empowers me to alter the things in my life that are not working and follow the path that I envision for myself.

So many people I encounter don’t seem to have the same luxury of being able to say they are content in their own lives. They seem to radiate negative energy and the lessons that are presented in their lives become more of a burden than a learning experience.  The “glass half empty” attitude fills the room and stifles any potential for that glass to be filled again.

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With the impending shift in the calendar, the welcoming of a New Year and possible making of resolutions, we have to remember that we are not trees.  We are not rooted so deeply into the soil of our lives that we are unable move and make a change.  We are not permanently stuck in one spot for the rest of our lives, able to only move in one direction.  We are afforded the freedom of being able to make a change in our lives whenever we feel the desire to alter our destiny.  It may be a daunting task to uproot yourself and start over but, when you flip to the other side of that coin, what could be the lesser of the two evils?  With change always comes doubt but happiness will always trump fear.

Give yourself permission to do whatever it takes for you to be happy.  Put down some roots but if the place you have planted yourself smothers your potential for growth, dig up the roots, plant yourself again and start over.  You have to give yourself the opportunity to flourish and, if that means beginning again in a different location, trust that your happiness is worth the effort and do whatever it takes to find that perfect place.

Plant your feet and blossom but leave room to uproot, branch out and grow.

A little witty banter

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Small talk is an art form.  It is the informal banter that covers no functional topics of conversation yet seems to fill the void of silence. People generally find dead air uncomfortable and prolonged periods of silence can be unbearable.  Regardless of whether or not we know the person, something compels us to bring up some inane conversation and we generally state some very obvious rhetoric to pass the time.

Small talk is a social skill that some have honed over the years and others struggle with it on a daily basis.  Perfect strangers may feel comfortable enough to talk about things on a more personal level but the bulk of small talk is made up of conversations about things as uninteresting as the weather.  Who knew we all had such an obsession with meteorology?

Depending on where you are when engaging in small talk you can certainly make it more interesting than the state of the atmospheric pressure and relative humidity.  It doesn’t have to become completely personal but you can lift the mood of someone’s day by having an intriguing conversation about something they weren’t planning to discuss with a stranger.

Make the first move and initiate some witty and enlightening repartee that will leave both of you in higher spirits.  Compliments are always welcome and interjecting some kind words into your small talk will go a long way.

Don’t let your cartoon balloon of small talk remain empty.  Fill it with something that will make people think and will allow them to leave your presence with a smile on their face.  Be original and be appealing but most of all keep it simple and honest.  You never know what new connections you could make by starting with an elementary bit of small talk.

My holiday spirit in two words

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Today’s world is a far cry from simple.  It is a labyrinth of cultures, race, skin color and vastly different systems of belief.  It is a melting pot of strong ideals and judgement and it is quickly becoming far less tolerant than it once was.

I happen to celebrate Christmas and in the process of that celebration I can be heard uttering two words that, although were once mainstream, are now, by some, thought to be completely offensive.  Merry Christmas.  Two words that contain the ideals of the child I once was and now hold dear the spirit of a celebration that I embrace.

I am not a vindictive person and, when I choose to utter those two words, I am not negating the fact that you may not celebrate this particular holiday.  I am choosing to share my love of the holiday season in my way.  I am attempting to insinuate my child-like joy into the moments of your day by choosing to wish you the best of the holiday season in a way that I learned through osmosis.  There used to be something exceptionally special about watching the joy spread by speaking those two words.  It was like watching a wave of true happiness spread from one person to the next.  Now, instead of riding that wave, it is more like treading lightly on the edge of the water ever mindful of sharp objects in the sand.

I have felt trapped at times, wondering if I should only articulate the two words that do not seem to easily offend, but “happy holidays” doesn’t encapsulate the true spirit I have at this time of the year.  Sure, it may be less offensive to some, but perhaps they don’t take the time to know the feeling behind the words.  By wishing you a Merry Christmas, I am merely saying that I want you to enjoy your way of celebrating as much as I enjoy mine and somehow inject some of my cheer into your day.

So let me throw caution to the wind and impart my holiday spirit to you on this Tuesday morning.  Merry Christmas to all and may the spirit of the holiday season, whatever your holiday may be, bring merriment to your smile and gladness to your heart.

(this is a blog post I wrote last year, but I felt it warranted being said again as we enter the festive season)

The real me

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If you want to know the real me, the true essence of my being, read my words.  I live in a world of people.  I engage with people every day of my life and I present a mere part of myself but, if you want to know me to the core of my vitality, read the words that I have written.  Those words are me.  Those idioms and poems somehow define me by using words I could never use on a daily basis.  Those phrases and ideas bring more of me to the surface than simply seeing me in three dimension.   Those words are my truth.

I connect with people emotionally and physically but, on a much deeper level, I spiritually connect with words.  Their subtle nuances paralyze me.  Their deep meanings leave scars that carve a map of my journey.  Their richness fills me and leaves me satiated.  I could be poor in monetary means the rest of my days but I will be rich if I still have words.

I am a slave to my passion, a victim of the alphabet that forms phrases in my mind.  Words wake me from slumber and force themselves into my conscious thought.  They wrap around me, enlivening me with their embrace.  They saturate the white noise in my brain.

Words will always bring the real me to the surface.