Category Archives: be yourself

Let the hibernation commence

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Winter has officially arrived, maybe not in terms of the winter solstice, but the white stuff looks like it is here to stay.  And with the first sighting of snowflakes my gut reaction is to forage for and store food. Although my foraging consists of pushing a cart up and down the aisles of the grocery store I still tune into the barbaric voice in my head that urges me to gather my supplies for the upcoming onslaught of nasty weather and get ready to hibernate.

Taking full advantage of my opposable thumbs, I turn that cart full of goodies into homemade soups, chili and stews so I can be self-sufficient during those times when the roads are closed, the snowflakes won’t stop falling and venturing out in the open world is ill-advised.  The picture below is my actual house during a two-day barrage of snow last winter.

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Animals hibernate out of necessity for survival.  Humans hibernate because it’s cold outside.  Having lived all of my legal driving life in a rural community I am well-versed at driving in treacherous conditions.  Given the choice between practicing my defensive driving skills or laying on the couch with a steaming bowl of homemade soup, I’ll take the soup any day.

My freezer is now stocked with Cauliflower, Pear and Aged Cheddar soup, Broccoli and Stilton soup, Cream of Mushroom soup, Corn and Bacon Chowder with Shrimp and Chili that has been made with bacon and some dark chocolate.  (judge if you will, but it’s delicious).  There may be a few more additions to the soup list if I feel creative any time soon but, for now, I’m ready for you Old Man Winter.

Through loving eyes – Trifecta Challenge

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My memory is vivid.  Her eyes moved evasively across our dirt-smeared faces and scanned our meager outfits.  Disapprovingly, those eyes formulated an opinion before we even had a chance to speak.  One by one she would pluck us from the line and dismiss us like we were disposable.  The torture of being an orphan was enough of a burden for a child, but living with the knowledge that each of us was special was even worse.  Not one of the couples who came to see us would spend the time to engage us in life, to let our unique qualities shine through the filth that we were subjected to each day.  I vowed to myself that, if I survived this Hell, my life would be about substance and not an outward facade.

The path I followed was no surprise to me.  The girls who live in my child care facility today feel empowered.  They are not concerned with their appearance as much as they are focused on the woman they wish to one day become.  I took my hopelessness and gave them hope.  I took my loneliness and gave them a loving home.  And I took my experience and gave them a chance to see themselves through their own eyes and not the eyes of a stranger.

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Written for the Trifecta Weekly challenge:

PLUCK: (transitive verb) 1: to pull or pick off or out 2 a : to remove something (as hairs) from by or as if by plucking    b : rob, fleece 3: to move, remove, or separate forcibly or abruptly 4 a : to pick, pull, or grasp at    b : to play by sounding the strings with the fingers or a pick

Remember: • Your response must be between 33 and 333 words. • You must use the 3rd definition of the given word in your post. • The word itself needs to be included in your response. • You may not use a variation of the word; it needs to be exactly as stated above. • Only one entry per writer. • If your post doesn’t meet our requirements, please leave your link in the comments section, not in the linkz. • Trifecta is open to everyone. – See more at: http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/#sthash.YS9z9fyZ.dpuf

One part water, one part rabbit, one part nuts

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In the 1987 movie “Fatal Attraction” Glenn Close convincingly plays an intelligent, articulate career woman with a penchant for revenge when her love is unrequited.  This was a very politically correct way of describing the insane nature of her character.  Near the pinnacle of her breakdown, Alex, played by Close, breaks into the house belonging to the object of her obsession and basically makes a soup stock out of the family pet.  My friends and I would use the phrase “bunny boiler” for many years to come after seeing this film.

Alarmingly, they do truly exist.  I’ve met some of them.  Perhaps they were not pressured to the point of bringing a pot of water to a scalding boil and stewing the family pet but they seem to wreak havoc in their own mind-boggling ways.  Obsessive behavior runs rampant and the clear and decisive nature of a normal human brain becomes more of a chapter in a research book than anything remotely resembling their reality.

Instinctively, most men can spot these women a mile away.  When the behavior pattern of a woman deviates from her usual likes and dislikes to mirror his – he becomes moderately suspicious.  When she begins randomly showing up in places that he frequents or becomes obsessed with the hobbies or sports he is into – alarm bells begin going off at top decibel.

I have always felt an inkling of sorrow watching these situations unfold.  Being able to remain rational during the beginning stages of a relationship while maintaining your sense of self is difficult.  Maintaining that rationale at the conclusion of that relationship is overwhelming, but it can be done.  Sure you may have wanted, with every fibre of your being, to be a perfect fit for the object of your affection but it doesn’t always work that way.  Relationships are about learning more about yourself and being able to blend your strengths with another person.  Giving up your interests to absorb theirs will only make you lose yourself in the process.

If relationships were easy, we would learn nothing about ourselves and what truly makes us happy.  It is the bumps in the road and those unexpected detours that make us truly think about our ultimate happiness and how much of ourselves we are willing to lose on that journey to self-discovery.   The failure only comes when you are not true to your heart and true to your beliefs.  Becoming something other than your genuine self will only negate the process of discovering that true happiness.

I do believe that I have gained enough wisdom at my age to know when the subject of my attention has a vested interest in the qualities that I possess.  I have learned to be grateful for my wit and intelligence and I have faith that they are qualities that someone will appreciate as they are – not a warped version of them to blend into the color palette of their life instead of my own.  I have finally learned the value of being myself.  It took a while to get here, but the pilgrimage was worth the sacrifices along the way.

With that knowledge in hand, I can go forth into my next relationship knowing that I put my self-worth first and, more importantly, that their pets will be safe from harm.

Fragments of myself

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I have been reflecting a lot lately – looking back at the phases of my life where I defined myself in terms of my relationships with other people.  I even introduced myself with those titles.  I was always a daughter, a sister, a step-mom, a wife (now ex-wife) and it has only been recently that I have begun to describe myself in terms of who I really am – me.

All of those monikers are still a big part of who I am, or was, but they are only pieces of my bigger puzzle.  I have found new ways to describe myself that truly incorporate the essence of me and not just how my being relates to other people.  After years of missing the most integral part of who I am, I have found the proper words to define myself.

puzzle-pieces

(image credit: loridennis.com)

In the past, I had deconstructed myself and put smaller pieces of me into everyone else’s puzzle.  I was happy to be the daughter or the sister.  I didn’t feel lost nor did I feel any sense of being an incomplete person.  I merely slipped into the shadows of the lives around me.  I became an extension of them and the fault of that circumstance was all mine.

After many months of contemplative thought I have become aware of a new sense of self – a confidence to simply extend my hand and introduce myself with only my name.  There is no longer a follow-up delineation of how I relate to anyone other than myself.  I am, in the simplest of definitions, me.

Those fragments of myself constitute a big part of my life but they are no longer words I use to acquaint myself with anyone new in my life.  Eventually those pieces of my puzzle will fall into their rightful place but that place is not the definition of who I am.

Don’t rain on my parade

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You get the sensation – the sudden feeling of elation.  The world seems to rotate on an axis to simply line all of your stars in the perfect cosmic placement.  The sky seems to be saturated with a deeper hue of blue, the air seems crisper and more full of promise than you ever remember and you find yourself smiling for no particular reason.  Things are finally going your way.

And then it happens.  One person, and it only ever takes one, says something to make you doubt the happiness that you are feeling and that balloon of contentment bursts.  Random pieces of that blissful moment lay in tatters at your feet, the skies mottle and the heavens open up to rain on your parade.

It’s a perverse world we live in when we can let others dictate what should make us happy.  The moments that cause us to smile uncontrollably should be locked in a private vault, only to be shared with precious few that will understand the true feelings behind that blissful expression.   True happiness is a rare discovery and those that are fortunate to have found it should not have that perception marred by the opinions of anyone other than themselves.

Your steadfast belief in what truly makes you happy cannot be argued – by anyone.  It is your head, it is your heart and it is your soul that leads you to true euphoria.  Always carry an umbrella, and don’t let anyone rain on your parade.

Better than a thousand hollow words

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cartoon balloonWhen I entered into this vast blogosphere I had no idea what to expect.  There was no anticipation of anything other than freeing the words in my head but along the way something magical happened.  After a few early posts I began receiving comments.  Some of these comments made me struggle to understand their meaning but most of the words were encouraging and inspiring.  Others contradicted the original intention of my post but made me think of my words from another perspective and how a chain of ideas may always have a broken link.

I am a creature of strange habits.  I began to save the email notifications of the comments.  I was unsure of why at the time but, tonight as I scanned through the myriad of remarks, I realized what a profound effect those snippets of language have had on my journey as a writer.  I re-read some of my posts to connect the meaning of the comments and was affected by the growth of my friendships through those words.

I am fortunate to have met an extensive number of talented people through this blog – people who not only take the time to read my words, but assert their own opinions in agreement or defiance.  A simple word or two from my fellow bloggers holds great significance because it means they took the time to read what I had beaten into submission before posting.

Your comments somehow make the toil of writing so much more worthwhile.  I only hope I can return the favor and extend the same courtesy to you.  As the sun sets on the eve of my busy season, I look forward to the eventide of a new creative flow and more time to read and comment.

Until that clocks favors me with more hours in the day, please know that your words keep me honest, they keep me humble and they keep me energized.  Your few words mean more than a thousand hollow words from someone who will never understand this passion for idioms and your words drive me to sharpen my skills and hone my craft.

I am simply me

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I am me.  There is nothing more or less to me.  When you look at me you see me at face value and I am truly the sum of my parts.  I will never change to be anything other than who I am.

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(image credit: sekutenetwork.com)

I have a great capacity to live my life the way I choose and no outside force will alter my path.  Some may not understand my journey but my path has been laid before me to follow and I do so willingly and without hesitation because this path is taken with the knowledge that I have carved it myself.  My road is created from a belief in who I am.  My road is paved with an understanding of my true identity and I am comfortable having my feet follow its winding path.

My road does not define me, I define it.  It is not sculpted from pettiness or jealousy, nor is it furrowed from frustration.  My road is simply an open path to my happiness and I follow it knowing that this is the journey I was meant to take.  It may not be the road chosen by many but this artery of life is meant for me.  It is unique and the fellow travelers I meet on this stretch of highway were meant to cross my path.

My journey to be me follows the beat of the incessant drumming only I can hear.  The mellifluous sounds keep my compass pointed in the right direction and I am happy to continue putting one foot in front of the other.  I will never again stray from my path because this passage allows me to be the truest version of myself.  It allows me to simply be me.

Just one of the guys

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The last time I checked, I still have all of the parts of the female anatomy I was blessed with at birth but being a woman never guaranteed that I would be feminine.  Sure, there are moments when I can fool people into believing I am a lady but, thankfully for me, those needed moments are few and far between.

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(photo credit: frumanista.blogspot.com)

I grew up a tomboy and it is a trait I never outgrew.   I enjoy hanging out with the boys – it’s my comfort zone because I don’t ever feel like I’m trying to fit in, to be something I’m not.  Somehow, I just belong and I like it that way.

My rounds of golf usually include 3 guys – and me, poker nights are usually 7 guys – and me.  During dinners or parties I generally gravitate towards the cloud of testosterone in the room and don’t ever feel like I stick out like a sore thumb.  It’s just my nature to be one of the boys.

I also enjoy time with my girlfriends, but those girlfriends, like me, are not as concerned with fashion and make up.  Not one in the bunch of us are girly-girls.  While we appreciate those Über-feminine women for their stylish and fashion-forward choices, we are not wired to think the same way.  If I had to wear any sort of spiked heel I would resemble the video below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0eINGyJHz8

I will never regret being the way I am.  I embrace my tomboyish charm and the fact that I can blend in so easily with my guy friends.  If you can’t reach me on a Sunday it’s because I’m in front of an NFL game releasing expletives similar to a missile-like battalion of bees shooting out from an angry hive.

Ask me to put on make-up and high heels and I will break out in a cold sweat – ask me to grab the pigskin and throw a perfect spiral, I’m in!!

Throwing Rocks at Airplanes

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A good friend of mine posted this line on her Facebook a while ago and, although I thought it odd at the time, it seemed like an interesting title for a post.  I had absolutely no idea where I would go with it but figured something would strike me – and it did.

It seemed like such a bizarre thing to do, throwing rocks at airplanes (and I’m sure she probably did it), but then I realized we all need that crazy outlet – an activity that nobody else would understand, yet would make us revel in that childhood delight that makes us feel silly.  So often we get lost in the grind of day-to-day life, going to work, paying the bills and just being an adult, that we forget that there is a child inside us that still needs to occasionally thrive.

There are moments that you just feel like doing something frivolous and absolutely meaningless. In the chaotic scheme of our existence, spare time is fleeting.  We need to take that moment for ourselves and just – live.  Breathe in the essence of that younger version of ourselves and do something completely inane.

An activity that is profoundly useless allows us that break from reality.  It may not happen on a regular basis but, if given the opportunity, spend that time doing something inconsequential and completely idiotic.  There are many idioms for this very practice – dawdling, killing time, hanging around – but not many people feel that they can give themselves permission to have a moment of lunacy for absolutely no reason at all.  It may be exactly what the doctor ordered.

If you live somewhere that is still engaged in mid-winter, make a snow angel.  If you are in a warmer climate, jump in a puddle of rainwater.  Whatever it is that will satiate that moment of recklessness, grab onto it and don’t let go.  Ride that wave of memories from your youth and hold on for dear life.  When you allow yourself that brief moment of freedom, throwing rocks at airplanes may not seem so silly after all.

Liar, liar, pants ablaze with molten embers

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We are all guilty of telling a white lie or two.  If you say you have never stretched the truth to save a friend from feeling down you would most likely resemble the subject line of this post.  Lying is an unavoidable part of basic human nature and one of the simplest atrocities to rectify.

As we each navigate our way through this journey called life, falsehoods can often obscure our course and cause us to spend countless hours, days, even years getting back onto our original path.  Undoubtedly the person guilty of sharing that erroneous information did not have malicious intentions but did not take the time to thoroughly gauge how much that untruth may affect the person it was bestowed upon.

Making a simple fib into an honest admission is a peculiar concept but one that is so easily attainable.  If you’re going to say something that matters, you need to deal in the truth.

I urge everyone to see Jim Carrey in Liar, Liar.   Although presented in a humorous way, its message is so revealing.  What could our planet become if we were all forced to give honest answers to every question that was posed.  (Think of how our system of government would be altered!!)   Telling a lie will appease you in the now.  Telling the truth, although difficult, will benefit both parties in the end.  A true friend will appreciate your honesty and know that you have their best interest in the depths of your heart.

Dealing in fact and reality is a harsh imposition but one that could exponentially increase the authenticity of all of our relationships.  Something as simple as being honest can lend credence to the foundation of a friendship formed on that very ideal. Hold fast to your sincerity.  Let it breathe new life into your conversations and let the words that fall from your tongue drip genuine truism.

Be gentle but, in the end, be honest.  There is no better gift you could give the people you hold closest to your heart.

Written in response to the Daily Prompt.