Funny ha-ha or funny ridiculous?

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Oh Daily Prompt, how timely you are!!  I was sitting on my deck on Wednesday night and out of nowhere began to remember lines from this poetic joke I heard as a teenager.  I may have missed parts….but the fact that I could actually remember this much of it thirty years later isn’t so bad!!

Now listen very carefully,

it’s as simple as can be.

The place is Piccadilly,

the players, he and she.

I don’t know how to do it,

she said with fearful eyes.

It’s getting rather painful,

it must be quite a size.

Now calm yourself my darling,

his face beheld a grin.

Just open slightly wider,

so I can get it in.

Suddenly with a startled cry,

she gave a little shout.

Only a little blood was shed,

and then he pulled it out.

Now as you listen carefully,

it’s a dentist you will find.

It’s not what you were thinking,

it’s just your dirty mind.

Make your own rules – Trifecta Challenge

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The painted cedar shingle hung precariously above the door.  An old wooden ladder had been haphazardly tied at the top rung to the branch of the tree but the placement of its feet were firm enough in the ground to be safe for access to the tree house.  The boys had vacated its four walls a few hours earlier and the fortress that they called their club sat empty.

After nimbly climbing the rungs of the ladder she surveyed the forbidden clubhouse.  Comic books were stacked in the corners of the room, posters of super heroes adorned the walls and the wooden structure was permeated with the smell of dirt. Sun shone through the cracks in the one-by-six construction boards and reflected off the jar in the corner half-filled with coins.

Although it was only a quarter, she felt the weight of the coin in her pocket.  Too many times she had heard the laughter and camaraderie escaping from those walls and she longed to be part of it.  She slowly retraced her steps down the ladder and headed for the garage.

Bracing the air rifle and taking the proper stance, she aimed at the sign that hung over the entrance to the club.  Lining up target in her sight, she squeezed the trigger and the pellet tore through the shingle, splintering off the top piece of the wood.  The sign now read “Girls allowed”.

no girls allowed

(image credit: bestofcalvinadhobbes.com)

Waiting patiently for what seemed like hours, she finally heard the boys return.  She marched across the lawn and climbed the ladder, rung by rung, until she reached the threshold of the one place she truly wanted to be.  Knowing she would be met with the many arguments that no girls were allowed she entered clubhouse, the threw her quarter into the jar and defiantly sat cross-legged on the wooden floor.

With a slight smirk she remarked, “That’s not what the sign says.”

A wink and a smile

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I like the fact that simple things still make me smile.  There is something about a wink that lifts my spirits…..it makes me feel like that shared moment was just for me.  A wink can warm my soul and make me feel more connected to the person taking the time to make the gesture in the first place.

There is an inherent difference between the joking, fun wink with the silly face and the genuine ‘I feel a connection’ wink that is far more heart-felt. A wink can communicate an unspoken string of words that compels the person receiving it to smile in return.

A wink can have many underlying meanings.  A single wink can signify solidarity in a friendship, an implication of a closeness shared by two people.  It can represent a shared secret and that simple gesture can bond two people in a mischievous way by allowing them to communicate without words.

wink

Winking can also be used to convey approval, but the most widely sought after wink is the provocative wink that may affirm a more intimate connection.  The wink that makes you blush and feel giddy, makes your heart beat a little faster and catches your breath in your throat.  If the wink has the desired effect the somewhat shy, flirtatious smile from the person receiving the wink is the natural response.

Successful relationships of any nature are based on open dialogue, discussion and honesty.  But in today’s modern romance fewer words and a simple wink can go a long way.  😉

The Commish is back in the house

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I am a Canadian who admittedly can’t watch the CFL although I am a football fanatic.  The culmination of my love of football was derived from years of watching the NFL.  My parents were Hamilton Ti-Cat fans, but I was always drawn to American Football and my love of the rules of the National Football League.

Hail Mary has much meaning for me, although I am not a religious person.  The tension on the field, the true grit of play and the excitement of the game has a hold on me that I have not yet been able to explain.  And I will vehemently negate any arguments that I watch the game for the tight pants.  I know the rules.  I know the game.  And during the NFL season, I eat, sleep and breathe football.

football

Once the season begins I yearn for Sundays.  If I am not working, I am comfortably ensconced in my living room watching the pre-game shows until the 1:00 kick off.  I can spend 10 hours in my living room yelling obscenities at my 46″ monitor and loving every second of the game. (I’m sure there are meetings for this!)

My love of the sport may have morphed into a slight obsession.  I took over a football pool about 10 years ago that had 15 participants.  Last year we topped the participation with 65 people at $250.00 each for the entry fee.  It was a busy season but time that I truly enjoyed spending creating spreadsheets and announcing the winners of each week.  Having 65 people picking 13 to 16 games a week is like having a second job, but one I would not give up.  My nickname during the football season is “The Commish” and it is a moniker I hold onto with great pride.

I have just sent my first email of the year to round up people to participate in the 2013 / 2014 football pool and I feel like a kid waiting to go to Disneyland.  The spreadsheets are set for another year and pre-season is around the corner.  The Chargers roster is pumped and ready to do me proud this year.  My jerseys are hanging in my closet and I eagerly anticipate the kick-off to the Hall of Fame Game on August 4th.

I am about to put the laptop to bed and watch The Replacements.  Although Keanu Reeves is not the best actor in the world, it is one of my favorite football movies and I need to get back into “Commish-mode”.  It’s 4th and 1 on the 1 yard line and I’m about to take the snap.  Hut, hut.

Happy Father’s Day – a message to Heaven

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My dad passed away over seven years ago.  I miss his smile, I miss his laugh and I miss the good times we used to have.  This is a poem I wrote when they dedicated a freshly planted tree and and a plaque to him in our new community park after his passing.  Happy Father’s Day to my dad and to all the dads out there.  I hope you are able to create memories with your kids that will last a lifetime.

new-52

(my dad)

~

We give these gifts of nature in your name,

To forever keep you near.

To take root in a place you kept close to your heart,

And represent the things you hold dear.

Your rock will remind us to always be strong,

And to remain solid in the lives we love.

And follow in the examples you gave us in life,

As you look on us from above.

Your tree will remind us to accept the changes,

Of seasons that come and go.

As the tree becomes bare at times in our life,

New leaves will blossom in time to show.

That nature is beautiful and life has a season,

but all things do come to an end.

And with each change and leaf that is lost,

Family and friendships help mend.

Branches sway in the winds of time,

And your whispers will be heard in the breeze.

Your memory lives on in the nature around us,

The air, the rocks, the trees.

When the stars align

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I am a big believer in fate and fortuitous moments.  The thought of serendipity, fortunate accidents, being a guiding force in my life gives cause for excitement to see what the day will bring.  Last week the stars lined up in perfect symmetry to make one of those moments happen, although the initial picture seemed grim.

stars align

(image credit: ehow.com)

All of the strategic planning I had done the week prior was time that could have been better spent.  The fickle Gods of Fate, the ones who should have been expelled from Celestial School, stuck their finger into my life and muddied the waters of my mirage in mere seconds. The murky vision left behind no longer resembled any of the best laid plans I had made.

As with all things, I adapted and forged ahead.  The moment that had been so anticipated was now just a vague memory of an eager smile.  The dirt began to settle at the bottom of my pond, but the reflection had been altered.

The serendipitous moment came out of nowhere.  The pieces of the puzzle I had begun creating the week before began to magically fall into their originally intended spaces and my smile was even wider.  This felt like a sign that those stars were meant to align to make that day happen.

These are the rare moments that I can truly treasure.  Those unanticipated moments that something steps in to change the course of our trajectory and helps us to follow the path that we wished to follow in the first place, but were thrown off course.  Thank you, serendipity.  Come and find me anytime.

Summer – Trifextra challenge

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Sun kisses clouds and warms everything it touches.  Skin burns, lakes soothe and breezes quell the heat.  Laughter echoes, bonfires burn and families make memories.  I watch from inside.  I work in hospitality.

outside 013

~

Written for the weekend Trifecta challenge – Summer, to us, is both complicated and uncomplicated. Intricate travel itineraries and kicked-off sandals with sand still clinging to the soles. Carefree cloud-gazing days spent lying beside one body of water or another and big money spent on childcare and amusement parks. It means leaving home or coming home. This weekend we’re asking you to describe summer in your own words. Thirty-three of them exactly, of course. Good luck!

The transformation of a dream

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This is an admittedly strange story – but this is written more or less on a dare by The Cutter.  I was challenged to use Transformers, Guns ‘N Roses, the plight of a Philadelphia sports fan and Mr. Eko from Lost in a post, and I DO love a challenge.  Please don’t judge me on this roller coaster of imagination!

~

Guns ‘N Roses blasted in the background as Mr. Eko sat, head in his hands, wondering where it all went horribly wrong.  The acrid stench of  smoke still permeated his sense of smell even though the  fuselage, that was once meant for a much bigger purpose, had ceased burning long ago.  In retrospect, he realized he was much safer on the island.  The billions of dollars he had illegally transferred to fund his project had gone up in smoke when Oceanic Airlines Flight 815 met with its unanticipated fate and crashed into the deserted island on which he now found himself trapped.

The project had seemed light years beyond the technology that was available at the time.  He  had painstakingly sought funding, pilfered money from unsuspecting institutions and watched his idea grow from infancy to maturity.  It was brilliant.  Science fiction and action movies had created this phenomenon on the big screen but he was helping to make it a reality.

The design, on paper and in computer software, was flawless.  Moving parts were masked to create the facade of a passenger airliner but, underneath, the pretense of modern aviation was enhanced by robotics.  This plane would make history and alter the way humanity viewed modern travel.  Access to remote areas would become simple, mundane, and no piece of the Earth would remain untouched.  There would be no more need for extended runways and no exotic destination would be impervious to human persuasion.  Planes would become Transformers.  Spheres of rubber would never again touch the Earth’s surface.  Instead, wings would become arms, and legs would propel from metal making the plane land in an upright position on a small square of land.  Pure genius.

But, like any Philadelphia sports fan, his dream was marred with disappointment.  His Hail Mary had been thrown.  Hundreds of people had watched as the glistening ball of metal was thrown from the opponent’s thirty-yard line and failed to meet its destiny.  The plane soared through the sky, showing the promise of scoring the winning touchdown and dropped a yard short of its intended receiver.  The game was over, the robotics had failed, the plane was destroyed and he was trapped on a secluded piece of earth surrounded by an immeasurable ocean.

mr eko

(image credit: tumblr.com)

As the lyrics of Sweet Child of Mine played incessantly in the background, he finally realized the irony of the only soundtrack that remained intact after the crash.  That idea was his baby, his lineage.  And as he blatantly ignored the encroachment of his impending  death, he welcomed the final release that would come when the Smoke Monster finally found him.

Don’t hate the haters

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There will always be people out there with nothing but negative energy.  They hate their job, they hate where they live and they take that bitterness into every moment of their day.  They hate us for being positive.  So why should we reciprocate and send that hate back to them for being haters?

We can’t hate the haters.  Being around negative people makes me want to be even more positive than I already am.  It’s better to be hated for who you are instead of being loved for who you are not.  Nothing annoys a hater more than your forgiveness. They seek conflict and if they don’t get it, they will just hate you more.

hater

There is a fine balance in the world and we struggle to maintain that level with every ounce of positive energy we have.  Being around people who constantly have that dark cloud hovering over them motivates me to make a conscious effort to keep my mood light and happy.

I’m not going to lie and tell you I haven’t had moments of immense dislike within me, but I choose to rise above that venom that can penetrate the soul and find the lesson in the situation that caused that hatred in the first place.  My mother always said “it takes all kinds to make the world go round” and I now know what she meant.  If it weren’t for the haters, we wouldn’t be able to appreciate being the lovers.

We need to learn to rise above that feeling of hate and figure out what that anger is teaching us.  The haters will never have that perspective but we can motivate ourselves to see beyond the malevolence that bubbles within us and move beyond the hate.

Appreciate the haters for teaching us how much better it is to love and be happy.  Life is short – appreciate every second of it and don’t waste it being angry.  I don’t ever want to look back on my life and say I wasted a single moment dwelling on a feeling that didn’t make my life better.

Texture in the sky

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textured clouds

Scattered formations of moisture

surf their way into the rain.

creating visions of cartoon faces

and textures that wish to remain.

The enemy of wind changes their shape

and alters the look of the sky.

But the clouds dance in those glorious breezes

and embrace the purest way to fly.