Category Archives: happiness

The fading image in my rear-view mirror

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Like the perfect piece of baker’s chocolate, today will be bittersweet.  I am comfortably ensconced in a chair in my office, shrouded by four very familiar walls that are situated on a property that I could maneuver my way around with my eyes closed.  But today is my last day in this place.

A big part of my life has been spent exploring every facet of the 408 acres that make up this resort property.  From my humble beginnings in 1986 I have cleaned every single one of the 158 rooms on numerous occasions, I have served hundreds of people in its dining room, I have greeted hundreds more at the front desk and I have encouraged thousands to vacation here.  My car could drive itself from home to office after the numerous trips we have made together down this winding Muskoka road.

This home away from home has been the site of many experiences for me, some fantastic and some tragic.  This job was not just a job.  This place gave me the tools to grow, not only as an employee and a boss, but as a person.  This place introduced me to many people I consider an extended part of my family.  From staff to hotel guests, the connections I have made here will last a lifetime.

cleves water front

(image credit: http://www.clevelandshouse.com)

But the time has come to change the landscape I see on my drive to work.  Although the splendor of the Muskoka beauty will still be seen through each of my car windows, the shadows that dance on the road before me will be different.  The path that my tires follow will be not be naturally carved in the pavement leading me to the walls that contain so many memories.   This new path will take time to feel as comfortable but I’m sure it will lead me to just as much happiness.

As the image of a lifetime fades in my rear-view mirror, the path ahead is waiting to welcome me with open arms and begin the journey of making new memories.

The Call of Nature

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I’ve had these pictures on my phone for a while and wanted to share them.

a crack in the armor

A crack in the armor of ice.

ice

Intricate patterns in the early morning freeze on my patio table.

ring around the sun

Ring around the sun.

patterns

Hashtag in the sky.

ominous whisps

The atmosphere air-brushed the sky.

criss cross

Same effect in lighter shades.

morning glory

A stunning sky to ease me into the morning.

Mom

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mom-holding-baby

She birthed me and swaddled me,

she showered me with love.

Her arms always embraced me,

they fit me like a glove.

Her words were the only ones,

that could help to heal my scars.

Hers was the only light,

that would comfort me in the dark.

She woke me up to play with me,

she laughed at all my jokes.

She sang with me to old musicals,

although she couldn’t hold the notes.

Her faith in my abilities,

has stood the test of time.

She’s the portrait of what a mother should be,

and I’m glad that she is mine.

So, here’s to you, mom, on this special day,

my love for you has no end.

You’re my giver of life, my confidant,

and will always be my best friend.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Over forty and feeling…..broken

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Forty may be the new twenty, but I don’t think my body got that memo.   I used to be able to handle stress much better, not that I had the stress I have in my forties, but the carriage that houses my soul never used to show signs of that stress.  I would bounce back and be prepared for the next onslaught of tension, armed and ready to kill that dragon.

These days, I am not as fortunate.  The knots of stress seem to locate the weakest parts of my body and finds the forty-something-year-old muscles far more inviting.  Like an unwanted house guest, it settles in, makes itself comfortable and it chooses to stay for a while.

About a month and a half ago I injured my knee while shoveling snow.  Who knew an activity so benign could leave such a lasting injury?  The pain subsided and temporarily vanished, but every so often it flares up again and I am currently moving slower than some of my mom’s new acquaintances in the retirement home.

I have yet to go to the doctor, but that trip is looming.  The male part of my brain had me convinced that the temple that is my body would heal itself, but that seems far-fetched as I hobble around my house this morning, wishing I had a cane.  In my self-diagnosis, compliments of Google, I realized that I have most likely torn the meniscus in my right knee.   It could be a minor tear but could also lead to surgery if not properly diagnosed and healed.

cane

(image credit: oralchelation.com)

Today, for me, forty feels more like the new sixty but I am determined not to let this affliction get the best of me.  I will beat stress and injury into submission with determination, tenacity and a borrowed cane!

Before the storm – Romantic Monday

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before-the-storm-logo

Thunder clouds in the distance

the promise of a storm to come

his touch is firm on my flesh

the earth is waiting to succumb

to the reign of terror in the sky

the promise of a fury unleashed

the air is electric, feelings are charged

mother nature is in control of the beast

blue sky falls into the abyss

the ceiling of night turns to gray

energy ignites with the coming storm

feelings, for now, are at bay

his grip remains strong on my skin

his eyes search for the sign

thunder crashes, lightning explodes

the moods begin to align

I turn to him under mottled clouds

the earth opens its spring

water cascades over exposed flesh

the symphony of love starts to sing

his touch brings more power

than the lightning casts from the sky

bodies churn in the shower of rain

under the cover of nigh

before the storm the feeling lived

but now its fury is unleashed

hands roam, bodies entwine

the power of nature is released

his body is mine, and mine is his

the storm can not debate

 the true love felt under stormy skies

the honesty of love will not wait

~

Romantic Monday seems to inspire the poet in me.   I took the subject line literally and the storm seemed to bring something out in me.  Thanks Edward Hotspur!

Impossible is two letters too long

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I’ve never been one to shy away from a challenge.   I have lived under the premise that if it’s worth having, it’s worth fighting for, and that has served me well.  Like removing the word “can’t” from my vocabulary, I also try never to utter the word “impossible”.

When my dad was still with us, not a day went by that he didn’t mention the phrase – where there’s a will, there’s a way – and I adopted that idiom rather quickly.  I learned my survival skills and my desire to succeed by heeding the wisdom of that small string of words.  By keeping that will fed and nourished, the two letters that may have impeded the possible slowly fall into the alphabet once again and all things are attainable.

alphabet

(image credit: 123freevectors.com)

When I begin any new task, the thought never crosses my mind that I will fail at that particular undertaking.  The final product may not be the desired result, but a reasonable facsimile is still an encouraging beginning.  I dive headfirst into the endeavor and face the dragon head on because the reward comes from trying.  Failure can only come from not attempting the initial project.

All things are possible and the only time I will use the letters “I” and “M” are to say I’m going to try my best!

Here’s to you Ms. Dickinson

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The Daily Prompt got me again….POW, right in the kisser.  Here’s what they want: National Poetry Writing Month is nearly at an end. To celebrate it, try your hand at some verse.

~

Air flows in circular patterns,

over the crushed brown grass.

Blades slowly stretch from the earth,

as Spring has finally come to pass.

Trees blossom and new life grows,

reaching from outstretched limbs.

Birds crest on upward drafts,

they are the promise of summer’s warm winds.

The chill of the night air recedes,

giving way to the heat of the sun.

Mother Nature has blessed us,

Her beauty is not to be outdone.

Cat pee and a reason for change

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Yesterday my aunt, my brother and I spent many hours cleaning out my mom’s house.  She is still currently in hospital awaiting the news of where we will be able to find her new forever home. On Friday, the remaining three cats (from the beginning number of six cats) were taken out of the house and surrendered to the OSPCA for adoption.  As much as my mom loved those cats and her two dogs, we had to make the decision to do the fairest thing for them and allow them a chance at a life with a new family.  My brother is still currently fostering the two dogs.

023

During the clean out, I realized why I will never again have a cat.  Cats have three basics tasks – eat, sleep and evacuate their bowels and urinary tracts.  With six different litter boxes in the house, I’m still perplexed as to how a cat can fail to execute the one task a cat is meant to master.  Without getting into horrific details, there are pieces of furniture that were removed from my mom’s house that were more saturated with cat urine than a lifetime of litter boxes will ever be.

It was a cathartic experience throwing things out that my mom had been stock-piling for the apocalypse.  I wasn’t sure how I would feel getting rid of some of my mom’s belongings, but the overwhelming smell of cat made the job much easier, and much quicker, than anticipated.

We still have one more floor to tackle, but the truly important stuff from that house is comfortably tucked into her hospital bed awaiting our visit this afternoon and a chance to breathe some fresh air during a trip to a potential retirement home.  The rest of the novelties are just things.  Sure, there are items with great sentimental value that will find a place in my home or my brother’s home, but the rest of those possessions are replaceable.  My mom is not.

My muscles will be put to the test again today as we endeavor to clean up the second floor and get the house ready for more people to create memories in that house that will be as happy as the ones we have.  I can only pray they don’t have a cat!

My Muskoka, my words….in print!!

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After much anticipation (and many chewed fingernails) the piece of writing that represents my love for the place I call home has been put into publication.  Unfortunately, it does not link to the article without temporarily registering for the e-version of the magazine which means submitting an email address and phone number, but it is available online with that information.

I understand if you are leery of subscribing and the article will undoubtedly be available more readily after the next addition is out, but if you want to see the published piece you can follow the link here.  Follow down the toolbar and click on eEdition. I’m on page 96.

magazine

(and for the first time in my life, I don’t hate my picture!!)

Regrets, I’ve had a few

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There are always regrets in life – missed opportunities that weigh heavily on us the more we think about them.  I’ve had my share of regrets, whether those regrets have been caused by my actions or perpetrated by my inaction.  There is always a tremendous sense of “what if” at the core of our regrets and that is a force field that is better left unexplored.

I was recently presented with an opportunity that I did not want to regret not pursuing.  I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption and that exploration resulted in me giving notice at my current job and looking forward to venturing off on a new path.  I have never been unhappy at my current job but the winds of change ruffled my hair and made me think about what life would be like in a new place.  That thought was a bit intoxicating.

After weighing the regret of leaving my current job and the many co-workers I have come to think of as family against the opportunity for growth and forward movement with a new team of people, I took a deep breath and chose to follow those winds of change.  That gust of wind caught my sails and propelled me in a direction that I could never have foreseen.

It is a daunting feeling closing the chapter on a life that is so familiar and ingrained in my day-to-day life.  The people who I have come to lean and rely on will no longer be in my daily routine but I can only trust that I made the right decision for myself and know that I am following a trajectory I was meant to follow.

Life is too short to have too many regrets and this is one I did not want to have.  I’m happy to be embarking on a new journey and encountering a new set of challenges and learning experiences.  From the excitement I feel, I know I will not regret making the change and opening my life to a new realm of possibilities.

Have you ever missed an opportunity that you regret?