I wrote this post last month about people asking questions that were really none of their business and how I learned to respond.
I stumbled on this funny sign on Facebook and realized this recorded method of learning the same lesson may be far more effective than my logic.
Happy Friday everyone. The sun will be shining here on Sunday and I will be basking in it – no need to peer into any strange fences!!
“Each relationship nurtures a strength or a weakness within you.” ~ Michael Murdock
Have you ever had that moment? The moment when you hear a quote and it sums up an entire period of time in your life that you had yet to define? I just had a moment very reminiscent of that.
My marriage was a great learning tool in the school of my life. I do not hold any ill-will towards my ex-husband but there were moments early in the marriage that I knew our relationship could be the recipe for disaster. I allowed myself to ignore those blatant warning signs, took the wrong turn and careened along the highway of our marriage at full speed. The bumps in the road got worse as the journey continued. Soon, I couldn’t even navigate the straight stretches of the journey without getting dizzy. It was then I realized I was on the wrong road.
Everything about our time together nurtured my weaknesses. It became easier, as time went on, to not confront those weaknesses and keep some peace in the house. After several months of pulling in my head and playing “turtle” I began to realize some very important things, not only about him but, about myself.
After spending a lifetime trying to “fix” the broken people in my life, I succumbed to the fact that I couldn’t fix them. My ex-husband and the roller coaster of our marriage made me realize that. This relationship which flagrantly displayed my weakness in the past now nurtured my personal strength. When I finally awakened to that reality, once that awareness had seeped into my brain, my resolve was filled with a growing sense of power.
I took that power and changed my situation, and my life. That relationship which initially nurtured my weakness came full circle and devoted its influence to my strength. I would never have fully appreciated that strength had I not been weak at that fork in the road.
The subject line of this post is a quote by Truman Capote. I have always believed that not achieving instant gratification is a necessity. Failure is life’s way of moving you in another direction and truly allowing you to appreciate eventually achieving that success you have been striving towards.
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
― Thomas A. Edison
(image credit: enchantedlearning.com)
I think of myself as a success because I have failed. My failures have given me a true sense of self and pushed me to want to attain that success that I covet. Failure is not an end, it is only a beginning. That defeat makes me rethink my original plan and construct a new plan, pushing me in a direction I may have not originally intended.
My failures do not define me, they strengthen me. I can accept falling short of a goal but I could never live with myself if I gave up trying. Just one line in the sand on the success side of my life is worth all of those hash marks in the failure column. A few dashes of inadequacy and a sprinkling of botched attempts make that main course of success that much tastier!
A few days ago I attended a business meeting and encountered a woman I haven’t seen since I left my old job last May. Our hotel properties used to be side by side so we had a fairly regular occasion to bump into each other but I haven’t seen her since I began my new job. We exchanged the usual pleasantries, took our seats and the meeting began. After an hour of brainstorming, the session adjourned and we were able to chat a little more and catch up.
We, of course, commiserated with each other about the roller coaster of weather we have been experiencing this year. We talked briefly about how the hospitality business has been for each of us this season and then the conversation changed completely.
She looked at me quizzically and said, “I’m not sure if this will come out the way I mean it to, but your face looks so much lighter.”
It was an odd statement, certainly, but one I have been hearing more frequently. It wasn’t in reference to my pallid winter flesh color nor was it meant to infer anything about weight loss. She simply observed my happiness.
(image credit: myvintagejewelbox.com)
When she had seen me last, I was working at a job that I no longer enjoyed. The stress that I faced each day was etching itself into my face and I looked, and felt, like a different person. It was a tough decision leaving that job because it had once been a place I considered to be a second home and my fellow employees were like family. When that home was bought by a corporation, the feel of my job evolved into something foreign. It was no longer a warm and inviting place to be and, although I had to leave some great people behind, I made the tough choice to get happy again.
I was fortunate enough to be able to make the decision to be happy, and if my face is any indication, I made the right choice.
Strength is a funny thing. It can define us – whether that definition encompasses our physical capabilities, our mental prowess, our moral fortitude or our ability to influence others, it shapes our interpretation of ourselves. But sometimes those strengths lay dormant, content to be lying in wait until we truly need them. Moments in our lives require us to draw from the deep well of power and we never know how deep that well goes until we are thrown into the face of adversity.
Our reservoirs go deeper than we can imagine. The individual wells that we pull from on a not-so-frequent basis house caverns of untapped vitality that seem to increase exponentially in potency the longer they lay at rest. And in those moments we are required to harness that energy, it obliges us with a fury that is all-encompassing and sometimes completely overwhelming.
Human strength is an anomaly. It has no true definition. It chooses how to manifest itself and how much of its raw power to reveal when it is truly needed. The vessel that contains that strength may have no concept of the absolute potential to harness that energy and may never have the chance to know its honest intentions until faced with the proverbial dragon.
Our trust in that strength is the key to its existence. The more we believe that we possess that strength, the more it thrives. Like any energy, it feeds on the positivity that we use to nourish it and continues to grow with that sustenance. It may feed and hibernate but, when it is required, that energy will wake, dust the cobwebs from its well and leap into action.
Hold true to your strength. Even though it may be deep below the surface of your reality, it pools in your subconscious, patiently waiting until you need it most. It is there – everyone has it. You just need to trust in its power and know that it is just waiting for your signal to unleash its fury.
This post was inspired by a weekend that happened at my former place of employment. I’m not sure why this memory surfaced, perhaps because hiring season has begun, but I heed to the advice of my muse.
Our resort hosted a few bus loads of college students, or perhaps a more appropriate definition would be potential future employees. These eager young scholars were taken on overnight excursions from resort to resort to see what working life would be in their chosen field of hospitality. The direct result of this adventure was more of an extended recess than a field trip.
There is a reason that the LCBO and multiple organizations urge us to drink responsibly. After a few too many, we become abhorrent mutations of our former selves and lose all sense of discipline and self-control. The “White Elephant in the Room” campaign is meant to draw attention to drinking and driving. Perhaps we should also have a campaign for drinking and being an idiot. For now, let’s call it the “Saturated Moron” campaign.
I’m not going to lie and tell you that I have never over-imbibed but only once have I ever lost control of the person I have strived to become. And even in that moment (that I am not so proud of) I have never left an impression of myself that created any ill will, any harm or caused any negative feelings. With the advancement of technology today we have more than a fair shot of seeing our misgivings pop up on websites like YouTube, Instagram, Twitter and Facebook but that doesn’t seem to be enough of a deterrent for those afflicted with the “soak me in booze until I’m flammable” syndrome.
There are certain things to keep in mind when you are beginning a night out with friends and alcohol will be involved. If you think you become more attractive when you’re hammered, you do not. If you feel you can dance like a professional, this is untrue. And if you think your friends won’t take every opportunity to humiliate you and make sure there is photographic evidence of your drunken shenanigans, think again.
Obvious health reasons aside, when we drink too much we simply make bad choices. Perhaps the first bad choice was to drink to excess in the first place. The thing to remember is what has been done cannot be undone. People have very long memories when it comes to things you have done in a drunken stupor and they will do their best to never let you live it down. Undoubtedly, they will take every opportunity to replay the videos or repost the images of your misfortunes during your intoxication.
Drinking to excess can cause you to black out and have no recollection of the events of the previous evening. Be assured, it will either come back to you in small scenes like a movie trailer that you can’t seem to stop or in one horrific flashback that you wish you could eradicate from your memory.
These hospitality pupils failed to maintain any sense decorum during their visit because alcohol, which began the night as the co-pilot, swiftly took over the driver’s seat and all Hell broke loose. The resort showed the battle scars the following morning as toilet paper dripped from the trees. Broken glass could be seen littering the ground at every turn and a window was broken as the hooligans attempted to gain access to any snacks that may be hiding in the front office.
I can only imagine the fetid stench emanating from the bus windows on that long, torturous ride back to school. My sympathy to the driver who may still be in therapy a year and a half later. I’m sure the simple message about drinking to excess was lost on these poor, hung over souls but there was one directive that rang loud and clear that morning – I would not be hiring, or even recommending, any of those students for future employment.
I’ve finally realized what has been missing this year, apart from a clean bill of health – I need a mantra – a string of words that I can repeat to myself to keep motivated while passing through this adventure called life. It’s interesting to take some time to think of what would be appropriate – what is going to inspire me on a daily basis.
After thinking about what could be my own personal mantra I finally settled on something that resonated with me: “Feed your mind, nourish your body”.
After all of the changes I’ve made in my life over the last two years this one really strikes a chord with me. From losing weight and learning how to properly feed my body, ending relationships that were toxic to me to starting this blog, it all seemed to fall into place. My body was craving the proper nourishment I was depriving it of and my mind was craving the attention of a myriad of words and ideas. Solved – feed your mind, nourish your body.
It’s such a simple run of words but something I can repeat to myself that will keep me focused on what has become most important to me as an individual. I now have it written on my fridge so if I feel I’m getting off my course it is there to remind me of where I was 24 months ago and where I am now.
Maybe you’ve always had your own mantra or maybe you’ve never even thought of the idea but it’s a simple thing to do, it costs no money and could potentially drive you to accomplish more that you thought possible.
If you already have one, I’d love to know what it is – and if you’ve never thought about it, give it a try. It may make a big difference in your daily life.
Life moves at a million miles an hour and so many times I feel engulfed by its pace and overwhelmed by the many things I have to balance on a daily basis. It feels like several days attack me all at once but I have to learn to step back and change the pace of that onslaught.
There are always two days in every week that I should learn to ignore – yesterday and tomorrow. They always weigh heavily on me and distract me from today. I focus too much on what I didn’t accomplish yesterday and think forward too often about what is waiting for me tomorrow and I forget to live in the present.
(image courtesy of babydearlyn.blogspot.com)
I need to embrace each day as an opportunity to live life to the fullest and accept whatever challenges may face me on that one day. There is no sense in worrying about what tomorrow will bring because I will never be able to truly know that. And there is no point in reliving yesterday because it is over. I cannot change the past. It will reflect itself in my present, sure, but I can choose how much power I give to that reflection.
I need to lay yesterday to rest and not consume myself with thoughts of tomorrow. My favorite saying (and my email address in short form) is Carpe Diem – Seize the Day. Life happens and there is nothing I can do to stop the moving freight train of time. I can only choose how I ride that train. I can look out behind me and see where I’ve been, I can look ahead and ponder where I am headed or I can embrace the vibrations of life flowing through the train and live in the moment. The choice is mine.
Today, I am making the conscious choice to forget all of the things I didn’t accomplish yesterday. I cannot go back and do anything differently. Today, I am making a concerted effort not to think about tomorrow and what lies ahead. Today, I am going to live only for today. Carpe Diem!
Small talk is an art form. It is the informal banter that covers no functional topics of conversation yet seems to fill the void of silence. People generally find dead air uncomfortable and prolonged periods of silence can be unbearable. Regardless of whether or not we know the person, something compels us to bring up some inane conversation and we generally state some very obvious rhetoric to pass the time.
Small talk is a social skill that some have honed over the years and others struggle with it on a daily basis. Perfect strangers may feel comfortable enough to talk about things on a more personal level but the bulk of small talk is made up of conversations about things as uninteresting as the weather. Who knew we all had such an obsession with meteorology?
Depending on where you are when engaging in small talk you can certainly make it more interesting than the state of the atmospheric pressure and relative humidity. It doesn’t have to become completely personal but you can lift the mood of someone’s day by having an intriguing conversation about something they weren’t planning to discuss with a stranger.
Make the first move and initiate some witty and enlightening repartee that will leave both of you in higher spirits. Compliments are always welcome and interjecting some kind words into your small talk will go a long way.
Don’t let your cartoon balloon of small talk remain empty. Fill it with something that will make people think and will allow them to leave your presence with a smile on their face. Be original and be appealing but most of all keep it simple and honest. You never know what new connections you could make by starting with an elementary bit of small talk.
In the 1987 movie “Fatal Attraction” Glenn Close convincingly plays an intelligent, articulate career woman with a penchant for revenge when her love is unrequited. This was a very politically correct way of describing the insane nature of her character. Near the pinnacle of her breakdown, Alex, played by Close, breaks into the house belonging to the object of her obsession and basically makes a soup stock out of the family pet. My friends and I would use the phrase “bunny boiler” for many years to come after seeing this film.
Alarmingly, they do truly exist. I’ve met some of them. Perhaps they were not pressured to the point of bringing a pot of water to a scalding boil and stewing the family pet but they seem to wreak havoc in their own mind-boggling ways. Obsessive behavior runs rampant and the clear and decisive nature of a normal human brain becomes more of a chapter in a research book than anything remotely resembling their reality.
Instinctively, most men can spot these women a mile away. When the behavior pattern of a woman deviates from her usual likes and dislikes to mirror his – he becomes moderately suspicious. When she begins randomly showing up in places that he frequents or becomes obsessed with the hobbies or sports he is into – alarm bells begin going off at top decibel.
I have always felt an inkling of sorrow watching these situations unfold. Being able to remain rational during the beginning stages of a relationship while maintaining your sense of self is difficult. Maintaining that rationale at the conclusion of that relationship is overwhelming, but it can be done. Sure you may have wanted, with every fibre of your being, to be a perfect fit for the object of your affection but it doesn’t always work that way. Relationships are about learning more about yourself and being able to blend your strengths with another person. Giving up your interests to absorb theirs will only make you lose yourself in the process.
If relationships were easy, we would learn nothing about ourselves and what truly makes us happy. It is the bumps in the road and those unexpected detours that make us truly think about our ultimate happiness and how much of ourselves we are willing to lose on that journey to self-discovery. The failure only comes when you are not true to your heart and true to your beliefs. Becoming something other than your genuine self will only negate the process of discovering that true happiness.
I do believe that I have gained enough wisdom at my age to know when the subject of my attention has a vested interest in the qualities that I possess. I have learned to be grateful for my wit and intelligence and I have faith that they are qualities that someone will appreciate as they are – not a warped version of them to blend into the color palette of their life instead of my own. I have finally learned the value of being myself. It took a while to get here, but the pilgrimage was worth the sacrifices along the way.
With that knowledge in hand, I can go forth into my next relationship knowing that I put my self-worth first and, more importantly, that their pets will be safe from harm.
polysyllabic profundities 