Category Archives: self improved

I’m not here to impress you

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I am me.  I have simple likes and dislikes (except for the occasional expensive bottle of wine). I live an honest life and I embrace the sense of humor, common sense, moderate intelligence and gift for the vernacular that was bestowed upon me.  I do not, nor will I ever use any of my personality traits to impress you.  But at the end of my journey through this life I hope that, with those traits, I will leave an impression upon you.

So often people spend so much of their time trying to impress the multitudes by being something they are not, nor will they ever be.  The downside to pretending that you are something so far removed from your reality is that eventually people see through the facade and directly into the real you.  Having the self-confidence to believe that you are truly unique is half the battle.  Having the fortitude to stand behind what you represent is the remaining half.

It takes little to no effort to be the person that you truly are and it takes a moderate resolution to negate any ill will towards people who do not embrace the qualities you possess. It takes even broader shoulders to not care.  If you have ever been told that you are one in a million, that is a gross understatement. There is no singular being on this grand planet that can ever take your place.

By living to impress others you do yourself an egregious injustice.  Trying to live up to the standards of others simply means you are ignoring your standards and your life is no longer about you.

Leave the impression on this world that you want to leave – not the impression you think others want you to leave.  Don’t lose yourself striving for their definition of perfection.  As you continue to embark on your personal journey you may find that your idea of perfection is much better.  The sense of accomplishment you achieve doing it your way will be that much more rewarding.

Cell phone etiquette

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The world of technology has taken over our lives.  We rely so much on computers and cell phones to communicate that it is affecting the way we relate to others.  And although our reliance on social media can do a lot to boost our self-esteem, it does affect the way we interact with each other on a more personal level.

Everywhere you turn now people are visibly attached to their cell phones and their tablets.  Although they allow us to maintain better contact with our families and help us find long-lost friends and acquaintances they seem to be setting us back in terms of our social skills.  Many times during conversations people will hear the magical sound of their cell phone alerting them to a call or text and, without thinking, reach for that phone and forget that they are physically interfacing with another human being.  With the touch of a button we make contact with others distant from us and forget the art of conversation that can be utilized with the people right in front of us.

cell phone

I was recently made aware of a new fad – groups of people who are going out for dinner agree to put their cell phones in the middle of the table.  (the smart ones turn them off)  The first person to reach for the phone during the meal has to pick up the tab.  What a great trend to follow or to start in your own community of friends.

Imagine the amount of time you could actually spend with your friends and loved ones being engaged and truly invested in that relationship instead of worrying about the text messages you may be missing.  The text messages will always be there for you to read but your friends may not wait around for you to give them the attention they deserve face to face.

Getting back my sense of self

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For the first time in a long time I walked through my house tonight and found I was smiling.  I wasn’t reliving a memory or anticipating an upcoming event, I was just….happy.

I hadn’t realized how much of my happiness had been consumed by reality until the corners of my lips were turned upright for no particular reason.  After all the tension I have experienced over the last couple of months, I was sure those muscles had atrophied and would require intense physiotherapy to get the full range of motion to return.  The degeneration of joy was paralyzing.

But I am once again finding beauty in my surroundings because stress no longer abrades my senses.  The scent of lilacs permeates my nose as soon as I step outside and the sounds of the creatures of the night soothe me with their harmonic tones.  And after many nights of being unaware of the true depth of my melancholy, I am now able to appreciate their symphony and realize that my true bliss has returned.

My words flow more freely now because they are no longer trapped in a smoldering vat of fermenting unrest.  My brain is at ease and my creativity flows in small streams until it culminates at the mouth of the river.  Those ideas trickle along the banks of my mind.  Each drop of inspiration is collected, it pools and eddies at the precipice until the words spill uncontrollably over the crest of rock and create a waterfall of language and expression.  That waterfall is my release.  That rapid flow of ideas is my heaven.

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(image credit: commons.wikimedia.org)

I have slowly re-acquainted myself with the things that I hold dear.  I have learned to let go of the stress and spend time each day making new memories and not just relying on recollections of my past to satiate my need for happy thoughts.  I have regained my inner compass.  I have reclaimed my sense of self.

The fading image in my rear-view mirror

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Like the perfect piece of baker’s chocolate, today will be bittersweet.  I am comfortably ensconced in a chair in my office, shrouded by four very familiar walls that are situated on a property that I could maneuver my way around with my eyes closed.  But today is my last day in this place.

A big part of my life has been spent exploring every facet of the 408 acres that make up this resort property.  From my humble beginnings in 1986 I have cleaned every single one of the 158 rooms on numerous occasions, I have served hundreds of people in its dining room, I have greeted hundreds more at the front desk and I have encouraged thousands to vacation here.  My car could drive itself from home to office after the numerous trips we have made together down this winding Muskoka road.

This home away from home has been the site of many experiences for me, some fantastic and some tragic.  This job was not just a job.  This place gave me the tools to grow, not only as an employee and a boss, but as a person.  This place introduced me to many people I consider an extended part of my family.  From staff to hotel guests, the connections I have made here will last a lifetime.

cleves water front

(image credit: http://www.clevelandshouse.com)

But the time has come to change the landscape I see on my drive to work.  Although the splendor of the Muskoka beauty will still be seen through each of my car windows, the shadows that dance on the road before me will be different.  The path that my tires follow will be not be naturally carved in the pavement leading me to the walls that contain so many memories.   This new path will take time to feel as comfortable but I’m sure it will lead me to just as much happiness.

As the image of a lifetime fades in my rear-view mirror, the path ahead is waiting to welcome me with open arms and begin the journey of making new memories.

Over forty and feeling…..broken

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Forty may be the new twenty, but I don’t think my body got that memo.   I used to be able to handle stress much better, not that I had the stress I have in my forties, but the carriage that houses my soul never used to show signs of that stress.  I would bounce back and be prepared for the next onslaught of tension, armed and ready to kill that dragon.

These days, I am not as fortunate.  The knots of stress seem to locate the weakest parts of my body and finds the forty-something-year-old muscles far more inviting.  Like an unwanted house guest, it settles in, makes itself comfortable and it chooses to stay for a while.

About a month and a half ago I injured my knee while shoveling snow.  Who knew an activity so benign could leave such a lasting injury?  The pain subsided and temporarily vanished, but every so often it flares up again and I am currently moving slower than some of my mom’s new acquaintances in the retirement home.

I have yet to go to the doctor, but that trip is looming.  The male part of my brain had me convinced that the temple that is my body would heal itself, but that seems far-fetched as I hobble around my house this morning, wishing I had a cane.  In my self-diagnosis, compliments of Google, I realized that I have most likely torn the meniscus in my right knee.   It could be a minor tear but could also lead to surgery if not properly diagnosed and healed.

cane

(image credit: oralchelation.com)

Today, for me, forty feels more like the new sixty but I am determined not to let this affliction get the best of me.  I will beat stress and injury into submission with determination, tenacity and a borrowed cane!

Impossible is two letters too long

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I’ve never been one to shy away from a challenge.   I have lived under the premise that if it’s worth having, it’s worth fighting for, and that has served me well.  Like removing the word “can’t” from my vocabulary, I also try never to utter the word “impossible”.

When my dad was still with us, not a day went by that he didn’t mention the phrase – where there’s a will, there’s a way – and I adopted that idiom rather quickly.  I learned my survival skills and my desire to succeed by heeding the wisdom of that small string of words.  By keeping that will fed and nourished, the two letters that may have impeded the possible slowly fall into the alphabet once again and all things are attainable.

alphabet

(image credit: 123freevectors.com)

When I begin any new task, the thought never crosses my mind that I will fail at that particular undertaking.  The final product may not be the desired result, but a reasonable facsimile is still an encouraging beginning.  I dive headfirst into the endeavor and face the dragon head on because the reward comes from trying.  Failure can only come from not attempting the initial project.

All things are possible and the only time I will use the letters “I” and “M” are to say I’m going to try my best!

Regrets, I’ve had a few

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There are always regrets in life – missed opportunities that weigh heavily on us the more we think about them.  I’ve had my share of regrets, whether those regrets have been caused by my actions or perpetrated by my inaction.  There is always a tremendous sense of “what if” at the core of our regrets and that is a force field that is better left unexplored.

I was recently presented with an opportunity that I did not want to regret not pursuing.  I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption and that exploration resulted in me giving notice at my current job and looking forward to venturing off on a new path.  I have never been unhappy at my current job but the winds of change ruffled my hair and made me think about what life would be like in a new place.  That thought was a bit intoxicating.

After weighing the regret of leaving my current job and the many co-workers I have come to think of as family against the opportunity for growth and forward movement with a new team of people, I took a deep breath and chose to follow those winds of change.  That gust of wind caught my sails and propelled me in a direction that I could never have foreseen.

It is a daunting feeling closing the chapter on a life that is so familiar and ingrained in my day-to-day life.  The people who I have come to lean and rely on will no longer be in my daily routine but I can only trust that I made the right decision for myself and know that I am following a trajectory I was meant to follow.

Life is too short to have too many regrets and this is one I did not want to have.  I’m happy to be embarking on a new journey and encountering a new set of challenges and learning experiences.  From the excitement I feel, I know I will not regret making the change and opening my life to a new realm of possibilities.

Have you ever missed an opportunity that you regret?

Think Twice Before You Post

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Social media has taken over the way we communicate with each other.  When I was a child (and yes, this will make me seem old) we didn’t have cell phones to text every waking idea.  Instead, we wrote letters – in long hand!!  For those of you studying history it was called “cursive”.  We had pen pals from around the world and when we wished to communicate with them we drafted well thought out letters, put a stamp on an envelope and sent it out across the void.  It may have taken weeks, even months, to reach its destination but we also didn’t have to worry about how many other people would read, and potentially misinterpret, the message we conveyed.

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(image credit: forum.keypublishing.com)

The ease of communication now is also dominating the amount of information that we share with others on the social media sites but there are many out there who don’t take the time to think of what they are posting before it’s out there….for ALL to see.  We have such a need to interact with people but we don’t take the time to second guess the content of what we are sharing and who we are conceivably sharing it with.

Facebook and Twitter make publicizing our lives far too easy.  With one click of a button, your latest thought, action or location can be sent into cyberspace and be laid at the feet of the millions of people with access to the “information highway”.  What we don’t think about ahead of time is the fact that once that data has been shared it cannot be un-shared.  You may think that by pressing delete on your keyboard that the material is no longer available, but think again.  It has been data stamped and encrypted and is still recoverable.

There are many minds out there that are far more creative and light years beyond us in terms of technology that have unlimited access to those morsels of personal details that you felt the need to share.  And they, in turn, may feel the need to resurrect that fragment of your life and make you vulnerable in a way you never thought possible.  Innocent pictures of your “girls night out” may find themselves on websites with completely ulterior motives.  Your potential new employer may, and most likely will, seek you out on Facebook to see if the information you have used to beef up your resume has any semblance of truth.  They will also judge your character on the photos you have chosen to share with the world.

Choose your words and your images wisely.  I am trying not to be hypocritical in this post as I am a humble slave to social media.  This blog would not exist were it not for the ease of sharing thoughts and ideas across the vast blogosphere and sharing my posts through Facebook and Twitter.  But I do give pause to the content of my words and status updates before I hit the publish button.  Although I am free to write about any topic I choose, I also want my words to portray my character in a way that I feel truly represents the person I am and will leave no room for any of those words to come back and haunt me.

Don’t always trust the privacy settings to give you that sense of security.  The only real security you can have is filtering the information you post in the first place.  The postman only used to ring twice.  Words that have been sent into cyberspace will ring forever.

The power of positive thinking

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The power of thought is amazing…..the more positive the thought, the more positive the result.  Feeding your brain with affirming thoughts allows the mind to grow and flourish, while letting your brain gnaw on the bones of negativity could have devastating results.

abundance of the mind

(image credit: walkwithin.com)

Our brain can only act and react to the energy we give to it. Unlike the information we feed into a computer, it cannot calculate results and comprehend a logical solution unless we give it the necessary tools to formulate the equation.

We need to learn how to harness the power of optimism and fuel our brains with a brazen amount of happiness and joy to achieve the desired result of success. And that success is not just a monetary gain.  Success can be defined as happiness in the home, satisfaction on the job and general good health and well-being.

Negativity and stress go hand in hand. We have all been told at one time or another to “think positive” – but do we ever really stop to absorb the meaning of those two words. If we take the time to step back and see the silver lining that dark, ominous cloud no longer holds as much power as it once did.

Positive thinking can change not only your attitude but your demeanor, how you represent yourself and how you physically carry yourself as well.  You can immediately spot a confident person in their stride, shoulders back, chin up, and know that there are no negative thoughts coursing through their mind.

A positive attitude breeds hope that things will be better.  We teach children at a young age to turn that frown upside down.  What we are embedding in their young minds is that a positive attitude will make them feel better.  So why not heed the advice we bestow on the younger generation who may not fully interpret what we are saying?

Too often we let ourselves be consumed by the obstacles life throws into our path.  We feel swallowed in the churning sea of existence.  But we have the power to make every day a day to look forward to by giving ourselves the choice to be happy.  Life may not always be exactly the way we intended it to be but focus on the good things and the rest will fall into place.  Peter Pan could make himself fly by thinking his happy thoughts.  Let yourself feel weightless by thinking those positive thoughts and put on a happy face.

The voices in my head

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The voice in my head has a British accent.  I’ve never questioned it because she has certainly given wise advice over the years, but when I hear the words spoken in my head, she always has the same accent.  She is not the only voice I hear, but she is certainly the most dominant.

I’ve never questioned her intelligence or her integrity.  And though some may say it is my own voice that I’m listening to, I know the voice comes from somewhere beyond my realm of reality.  I believe in spirit guides.  I believe that although a soul is not attached to a physical body, they roam among us and attach themselves to certain earthly lives.  They give us sage advice when we are prepared to listen or they may just keep us company on our journey through life.

spiritguide

(image credit: acelebrationofwomen.com)

Some refer to the feeling as intuition or even divine breath.  Some call it a gut feeling.  Regardless of what we name it, the feeling is the same.  You inherently know that a decision is either right or wrong and whether you have heard that voice in your head or felt the feeling in the pit of your stomach there is an outside force helping to point you in the right direction.

Some have the ability to understand the message and heed the advice.  Others choose to ignore the signs and forge ahead, mindless of any consequence.  It is up to you to listen – to understand that the compelling feeling of having some hand from above reaching to help you is not your imagination.

Stealthily they enter our lives and they yearn to give us perspective.  They want to help us think outside of the box we have voluntarily entombed ourselves in.  If we learn to cultivate our intuition we may find ourselves believing more in the helping hands that we cannot see.  Give yourself a moment to listen to that voice.  Let their breath of experience help fill you with the knowledge that your gut feeling is right.

My mother has never been a big believer in my spiritual theories.  But in the last couple of days she has admitted to feeling my father’s presence with her in the hospital watching over her and keeping her safe.  They do walk among us and only sometimes do they truly make their presence known.