Category Archives: stress

A long and bumpy road

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I haven’t been able to spend much time with my words for the last few days.  My mom went into the hospital on Thursday morning and I have been spending all of my days with her.  She is quite sick and we’re not sure where we go from here.

It’s a helpless feeling watching someone lie in a hospital bed, looking so frail, and knowing that I can do nothing but sit and keep her company.  I have done a bit of reading, but more than anything I watch her sleep.  In her current world of tubes and medications, she dreams a lot and talks in her sleep.  I lean forward and strain to hear what she is saying, but nothing she says is very intelligible.  I’d like to think that somewhere in the haze of her drug induced suspension of consciousness that my father is whispering in her ear from his place beyond our world and keeping her company as she sleeps.

Almost as much as I miss my writing, I miss reading all of your words.  Our family has a long and bumpy road ahead, but I hope I can find some time to distract myself from reality and lose myself in the happy land of WordPress.

I am on my way back to pass my day entombed by the drab walls of the hospital and listen to the beeps and hisses of the monitors.  My words still churn in my head, but now they form prayers for my mom.

Find your wings

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I had a completely different post planned for today, but after talking to a friend that I haven’t seen in a while, my whole mindset changed.

wings(image credit: photo-dictionary.com)

I believe we all begin our journey of life with a full set of wings. I’m not talking about Angel wings, but invisible pinions that give us a chance to rise above ourselves and discover new horizons. Somewhere along our path, our wings may be clipped.  They may mutate from their original form and, although we still embody the same freedom of originality, our chance to soar becomes stifled and we miss some of that ability for latitude.

Life can be a daunting journey, fraught with challenges and roadblocks, but those feathered appendages help us maneuver beyond those obstacles with little effort.  They give us room for movement that may not otherwise be possible allowing us a chance for an alternate illusion.

Our mere existence on this planet can be described as a roller coaster, a flurry of adventure and blurry images that stream through our line of sight at Mach 4.  Somewhere in the blistering speed of that coach car we miss the visions we should be focusing on and get lost in the overwhelming barrage of outside interference.  We are inundated with life.  We become a victim of its vicious nature and forget to allow ourselves the power to fly because we become saturated with apprehension and doubt.

If you allow it, life will over-stimulate your senses and it will swallow you whole.  It will envelop you and wrap your waking moments, keeping you mummified until you surrender your power at the end of a tumultuous and exhausting day.

Find your wings.  Give yourself permission to feel that freedom again and take your life back.  If the path you are on does not feel like the path you chose – fly.  Rise high above it and give yourself a new perspective of your life.  You may find that you still had those wings all along but you just forgot how to use them.

Hoarding gives me the Heebie-jeebies

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The Daily Prompt asks this question today:

Does a messy home (or office) make you anxious and cranky, or is cleaning something you just do before company comes over?

coffee_table

(image credit: accentondesign.net)

The items on my coffee table do not have to be positioned at precise angles at varying degrees, but things do have a certain place in my house.  I am not fanatical about cleaning, but I am stringent about being organized.  I don’t get many surprise visitors because I live in a very rural area, but if people drove off the beaten path and arrived at my home, I would not be frantically searching for the Swiffer or tossing newspapers or wrappers under the couch cushions.

The same goes for my desk at work.  Sure there are piles of paper and file folders, but they are organized piles that I strategically am able to work through because everything has its place.

Having said that, the entrance way into my house could potentially negate anything I’ve mentioned about seeming organized, but that will be rectified soon.  My entrance way is the only spot for me to store my patio cushions and other outdoor items that are longing to be freed from their winter incarceration.  It’s nothing close to being a Hoarder’s episode, but it does make me a bit anxious when I see everything piled in one spot.  Hazmat suits are not required, but until I win the lottery I will have to deal with the negative aspects of living in a house that is only 650 square feet.  At least the rest of it is organized!

Here is what some others had to say:

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Ilya Fostiy. Basement | Philosophy & Photography
  2. 31 Daily Prompt: Odd Couple | Family Photos Food & Craft
  3. When it comes to cleaning, no one tell the OCD self, thanks… | thoughtsofrkh
  4. Odd Couple – I’m Afraid Of The Dark
  5. Daily Prompt: Odd Couple « Mama Bear Musings
  6. Daily Prompt: Odd Couple | The Gozum Show
  7. Squeaky Clean? | Stuphblog
  8. Display Duality | Daily Prompt: Odd Couple | likereadingontrains
  9. What Would You Do If Lucifer Visited Your Home? | The Jittery Goat
  10. All Things | paul scribbles
  11. Daily Prompt: Odd Couple | szantoanna76
  12. A messy definition | Spunky Wayfarer
  13. Cleaning and Company | The Nameless One
  14. DP – Odd Couple | Life With Pink Princesses
  15. Albert is on my Side « Fly for Icarus
  16. Daily Prompt: Odd Couple | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss

Where did I go?

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Perhaps it is the late arrival of Spring weather and the snow still blanketing my lawn.  Or perhaps it’s the amount of work I have piled on my desk that seems to keep accumulating.  Regardless of the reason, I don’t feel like myself.  I don’t feel any impending sense of doom, I just feel like I’m suffocating, drowning in the things that are going on around me and I can’t seem to come up for air.

It’s a disturbing feeling for me.  I’ve always been the one to hit things head on and face each challenge as it comes.  I’ve never wallowed in self-doubt or self-pity, but these last few weeks have painted an Picasso-like portrait of a person quite different from the paint-by-numbers picture I’ve seen in the mirror all my life.  Each day I would fill in the missing colors and paint the spots with the hue that best represents my mood.   Generally the colors were bright and cheerful.

009

I thought I was back on the path to being myself again on Sunday after sitting on my deck and soaking up some sun for an hour.  As I lazily looked up into the afternoon sky, the ring around the sun seemed to reflect my feeling of something lurking out there, waiting to descend.  The old saying goes “ring around the sun or moon, means snow or rain are coming soon”.  One quick look at the weather forecast confirms possible accumulation of 2 cm of snow on my birthday.

I am hoping the anticipated appearance of Spring will happen soon.  Once the aroma of freshly awakened earth and the sound of spring birds start to permeate the air, I am confident that my mood will sing and soar with those birds.

If anyone has any nice spring weather you can spare – I’d be happy to send you my address.  🙂

The Days I need to learn to forget

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Life moves at a million miles an hour.  And so many times I feel engulfed by its pace and overwhelmed by the many things I have to balance on a daily basis. It feels like several days attack me all at once, but I have to learn to step back and change the pace of that onslaught.

There are always two days in every week that I should learn to ignore.  With everything I have going on in my life, these two days do nothing to help me live in the moment.  Yesterday and tomorrow always weigh heavily on me and distract me from the here and now.  I focus too much on what I didn’t accomplish yesterday and think forward too often about what is waiting for me tomorrow and I forget to live in the present.

TodayTomorrowYesterday

(image courtesy of babydearlyn.blogspot.com)

I need to embrace each day as an opportunity to live life to the fullest and accept whatever challenges may face me on that one day.  There is no sense in worrying about what tomorrow will bring, because I will never truly know that.  And  there is no point in reliving yesterday, because it is over.  I cannot change the past.  It will reflect itself in my present, sure, but I can choose how much power I give to that reflection.

I need to lay yesterday to rest and not consume myself with thoughts of tomorrow.  I must give myself permission to meet the obligations and promise of each day with an open mind and an open heart.  One day at a time will let me absorb all of the life that day has to give without being consumed by the days that lay behind or lay ahead.  Those days, I cannot change.

My favorite saying (and my email address in short form) is Carpe Diem – Seize the Day.  Life happens – there is nothing I can do to stop the moving freight train of time and only I can choose how I ride that train.  I can look out behind me and see where I’ve been, I can look ahead and ponder where I am headed, or I can embrace the vibration of the life flowing through the train and live in the moment. The choice is mine.

Today, I am making the conscious choice to forget all of the things I didn’t accomplish at work yesterday.  I cannot go back and do anything differently.  Today, I am making a concerted effort not to think about the fact that I will be sitting  in my office on Sunday catching up on the paperwork that has eluded me this week.  Today, I am going to empty sap from the buckets hanging from those towering Maple trees.  Today I am going to shovel the remains of Mother Nature’s perverse sense of humor from my deck and sit in the sun with a glass of wine in my hand.  Today, I am going to live only for today.

How will you live your day today?

She cannae take any more, Captain. She’s gonna blow!

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People handle stress in very different ways and each of us have varying extremes when it comes to our breaking point.  Some are lucky and are able to desensitize themselves to the perils that compound normal levels of stress, while others become weighed down and feel like they are shouldering the burdens of the world.  I am perched precariously in the middle.

I have a pretty high tolerance for stress.  I can quell the volcano of emotion that begins to rise by merely separating the things I can control from the things I cannot and putting out those smaller fires, one by one.   I don’t always win that battle but I do make a concerted effort to not let things bother me that are out of the grasp of my command.

But stress has a funny way of being able to continue a slow burn without any alarms going off.  It smolders behind walls and can ignite spontaneously when it recognizes the slightest bit of exhaustion or defeat.  Exhaled oxygen will spark the embers and the fire of stress breathes new life.  I didn’t feel the heat emanating but the flames got the best of me and, when the inferno had died down slightly, the fiery beast had etched its charcoal marks deep under my skin.

volcanoes_geothermal_energy_212

(photo credit: earthtimes.org)

My tension is now stored neatly in large charred knots under my shoulder blades.  The volcano of stress is no longer spewing lava and lighting fires as it goes, but it is laying dormant under my muscles, reminding me that it has the power to erupt with the slightest sign of newly induced tension.  Any rupture in my otherwise calm facade will bring bubbling magma to the surface and give new life to that slow burn.  Time for some deep breathing and a calming glass of wine!

How does your stress affect you?  Is it an easily controlled burn, or does it rage out of control?