Category Archives: emotion

Falling behind

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With the events surrounding my mother over the last two weeks, I have been falling behind in reading many of your posts.  Thankfully I had many posts written and have been sweeping the dust from those and posting as often as I can.

I have over 1400 emails, most of them notifications of your posts or your comments and I will do my best to get caught up as soon as I can.  I do wish to thank you all for your reading support and your kind words about my mom.   We are still in limbo and are unsure where to go from here but we still maintain as much hope as possible for a good outcome.

I will try to take some time for myself and get back into reading your words that I have come to love.   I do have one light in the tunnel – my magazine article will be published May 1st.  I will try to link to it so I can share it with the blogging world.

Thank you again for being a part of a group that I have come to think of as friends.

Never Give Up – Trifecta Post

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The alchemy of her feelings had changed drastically and she did not know why.  She had felt rage, had felt cheated out of a big part of her life, but now felt nothing but a growing sense of peace and understanding.  The illness had finally caught up with her and she could no longer pretend everything was going to be alright.  When her time eventually did come, she could face her family with honesty and say she led a good life.  She would never give up but she now had to face the new reality of her limitations.  With fire in her eyes, she was determined to outlive them all, just for spite.

~

This post was written for the Trifecta challenge and is written for my mom who is currently in hospital.  I hope she beats the odds and proves us all wrong.
ALCHEMY (noun)

1
: a medieval chemical science and speculative philosophy aiming to achieve the transmutation of the base metals into gold, the discovery of a universal cure for disease, and the discovery of a means of indefinitely prolonging life
2
: a power or process of transforming something common into something special
Please remember:
  • Your response must be between 33 and 333 words.
  • You must use the 3rd definition of the given word in your post.
  • The word itself needs to be included in your response.
  • You may not use a variation of the word; it needs to be exactly as stated above.
  • Only one entry per writer.
  • If you know your post does not meet the requirements of the challenge, please leave your link in the comments section, not in the linkz.
  • Trifecta is open to everyone.  Please join us.

The sounds of solace

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Even through the most troubling of times, there is something inherently soothing about music. The dulcet tones relieve the pressure that reality compounds and the rhythm can make the most difficult situations bearable.

I love most types of music but the sounds I find most comforting during difficult times are the harmonic blends of The Tenors. The uplifting tones of their four part harmony bathe me in a warm glow and bring me out of the dark tunnel. The joy they find in singing allows me a moment to pause and rejoin the beauty in the world.

The timbre in their notes carries me to a place of serenity and I am embraced by a feeling of peace. It amazes me how quickly the stress is assuaged and washed over by a wave of calm by simply allowing the pacifying effect of the notes soothe my soul.

As my mom watches the tiny television from her hospital bed, four Canadian Tenors are alleviating my current reality momentarily by singing their lullabies to me. Let the music of life play on.

Stressing the “un’s”

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Life is a mixed bag. Stress is inevitable, but more than likely comes from things that begin with “un”. Things that are unpredictable, uncontrollable, unfamiliar or unseen cause us undue pressure.

We become very uncomfortable and somewhat unsettled forging ahead into the unknown feeling unprepared. We may lack the understanding needed to avoid feeling unsure.

Life can be unfair. Illness can be unforgiving and waiting can be unbearable. The “un’s” hover relentlessly and we are unable to regain a sense of control.

I am struggling to beat those “un’s” into submission, but they are unrelenting and refuse to allow the knots of their hold to be undone.

I, however, am unwilling to admit defeat. That is unacceptable.

A long and bumpy road

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I haven’t been able to spend much time with my words for the last few days.  My mom went into the hospital on Thursday morning and I have been spending all of my days with her.  She is quite sick and we’re not sure where we go from here.

It’s a helpless feeling watching someone lie in a hospital bed, looking so frail, and knowing that I can do nothing but sit and keep her company.  I have done a bit of reading, but more than anything I watch her sleep.  In her current world of tubes and medications, she dreams a lot and talks in her sleep.  I lean forward and strain to hear what she is saying, but nothing she says is very intelligible.  I’d like to think that somewhere in the haze of her drug induced suspension of consciousness that my father is whispering in her ear from his place beyond our world and keeping her company as she sleeps.

Almost as much as I miss my writing, I miss reading all of your words.  Our family has a long and bumpy road ahead, but I hope I can find some time to distract myself from reality and lose myself in the happy land of WordPress.

I am on my way back to pass my day entombed by the drab walls of the hospital and listen to the beeps and hisses of the monitors.  My words still churn in my head, but now they form prayers for my mom.

Find your wings

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I had a completely different post planned for today, but after talking to a friend that I haven’t seen in a while, my whole mindset changed.

wings(image credit: photo-dictionary.com)

I believe we all begin our journey of life with a full set of wings. I’m not talking about Angel wings, but invisible pinions that give us a chance to rise above ourselves and discover new horizons. Somewhere along our path, our wings may be clipped.  They may mutate from their original form and, although we still embody the same freedom of originality, our chance to soar becomes stifled and we miss some of that ability for latitude.

Life can be a daunting journey, fraught with challenges and roadblocks, but those feathered appendages help us maneuver beyond those obstacles with little effort.  They give us room for movement that may not otherwise be possible allowing us a chance for an alternate illusion.

Our mere existence on this planet can be described as a roller coaster, a flurry of adventure and blurry images that stream through our line of sight at Mach 4.  Somewhere in the blistering speed of that coach car we miss the visions we should be focusing on and get lost in the overwhelming barrage of outside interference.  We are inundated with life.  We become a victim of its vicious nature and forget to allow ourselves the power to fly because we become saturated with apprehension and doubt.

If you allow it, life will over-stimulate your senses and it will swallow you whole.  It will envelop you and wrap your waking moments, keeping you mummified until you surrender your power at the end of a tumultuous and exhausting day.

Find your wings.  Give yourself permission to feel that freedom again and take your life back.  If the path you are on does not feel like the path you chose – fly.  Rise high above it and give yourself a new perspective of your life.  You may find that you still had those wings all along but you just forgot how to use them.

I’m not sure if I’d call it a possession…Daily Prompt

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The Daily Prompt lured me in again with its devious, thought-provoking challenge – Prized Possession:  Describe an item you were incredibly attached to as a child. What became of it?

For all intents and purposes, it wasn’t actually mine.  It was tangible and readily accessible when I summoned up the courage to play games with it, but I had no ownership of it.  I couldn’t play with it on a whim because I had little to no control over the time I would get to spend with it.  Whatever time I did get to spend with it made me love it even more.

It had many different features and helped me develop a true sense of competition.  It had a hard-outer shell, but once you worked it in a little bit, it became much softer and more pliable. At certain points in my life, I actually tried to emulate this item.

I have never lost my attachment to it.  If anything that attachment has only grown stronger over the years.  I never had to think back and wonder what became of it because it is still near and dear to my heart.  It resides five minutes from my house in a house all its own.  I still play games with it, like the old days, but the games are different now.

This prized possession, the item I am still so attached to is the father of my two nephews, my brother and one of my best friends.

I’d do whatever it takes – Trifextra Post

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The treatments were grueling. Her body was showing the signs.  My support was unending, but I don’t think she realized that.  I shaved my head the next morning.  Actions speak louder than words.

~

Trifextra: Week Sixty-One

This weekend we’re asking for exactly 33 words including an idiom somewhere within.  Examples of idioms include – add fuel to the fire or wear your heart on your sleeve.  You can find more examples and a definition of idiom here.  Good luck!

Another trip around the sun

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Today is an important day in my life…..today I am acutely aware of the number of years I have been on this ever revolving planet.  A birthday is not a number to me, but a moment to celebrate the day I entered this life. (and it’s 44, but I still feel 29 so that counts, right?…..right?)

I celebrate with many people, some I know well, some I’ve never met, but there is one important celebration that mirrors mine – my Winnie The Pooh.  My mom created a stuffed version of the beloved character for me when I turned one and, to this day, I still have that somewhat tattered foam-filled creature.  McCall’s created a Disney series of patterns in the 1960’s that she duplicated for my brother for his first birthday and again, almost four years later, for my birthday.

He has seen his share of joys and tragedies.  He has undergone facial reconstruction and some botched plastic surgery (thanks to an over-excitable Labrador Retriever that belonged to a roommate) but he still never fails to hang in there to share year after year with me. He and I have weathered many successes and many ominous periods together, but he still remains the same source of comfort he has always been.

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Although it may seem somewhat childish to hang onto a toy that I have long outgrown, Winnie still holds an immeasurable value in my life. He represents a part of my childhood that I hold dear and he continues to represent the faith that I hold in my friendships.  He and I may not be able to communicate on the level that is deemed normal for friends but I still feel comfortable confiding in him, knowing that he will always be there to listen when I need him.

Happy birthday Winnie…..may we continue on our journey and have a very long life together!!

Where did I go?

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Perhaps it is the late arrival of Spring weather and the snow still blanketing my lawn.  Or perhaps it’s the amount of work I have piled on my desk that seems to keep accumulating.  Regardless of the reason, I don’t feel like myself.  I don’t feel any impending sense of doom, I just feel like I’m suffocating, drowning in the things that are going on around me and I can’t seem to come up for air.

It’s a disturbing feeling for me.  I’ve always been the one to hit things head on and face each challenge as it comes.  I’ve never wallowed in self-doubt or self-pity, but these last few weeks have painted an Picasso-like portrait of a person quite different from the paint-by-numbers picture I’ve seen in the mirror all my life.  Each day I would fill in the missing colors and paint the spots with the hue that best represents my mood.   Generally the colors were bright and cheerful.

009

I thought I was back on the path to being myself again on Sunday after sitting on my deck and soaking up some sun for an hour.  As I lazily looked up into the afternoon sky, the ring around the sun seemed to reflect my feeling of something lurking out there, waiting to descend.  The old saying goes “ring around the sun or moon, means snow or rain are coming soon”.  One quick look at the weather forecast confirms possible accumulation of 2 cm of snow on my birthday.

I am hoping the anticipated appearance of Spring will happen soon.  Once the aroma of freshly awakened earth and the sound of spring birds start to permeate the air, I am confident that my mood will sing and soar with those birds.

If anyone has any nice spring weather you can spare – I’d be happy to send you my address.  🙂