Category Archives: perspective

I almost mastered nothingness

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Everyone is entitled to have a lazy day every once in a while.  It recharges our batteries and gives us a much-needed to chance to store up the energy needed to face the days that follow it. Sometimes we just feel unproductive and unmotivated – and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, within reason. If your lazy days start turning into lazy weeks, you may want to rethink your strategy.

I used to have a real problem letting myself sit and do nothing. My brain always kicked into the guilt gear and I was forced to get off the couch and do all the things that were nagging at me from the back of my cranium.  I’m over that.  I am now able to embrace the feeling of not accomplishing a single thing.  There certainly are moments of boredom encompassed in that lazy day, but if I take that moment to remember the fast pace of any other day, that boredom is replaced by bliss.

(image credit: Bill Watterson)

The lazy day becomes about taking time for me and not stressing myself out if the laundry doesn’t get sorted or the dust accumulates for one more day.  Although today was not a completely lazy day.  After giving myself permission to actually sleep in, I did clean the house and I vacuumed the inordinate amount of dog hair from my carpet that seems to increase exponentially!!  But the rest of it was spent in a suspended state of oblivion…..and it was just what the doctor ordered.  I focused on what I needed instead of what needed to be done.

Those rest of those chores will still be beckoning  me tomorrow, but today the deck furniture and the couch won the argument.  Today is about my three favorite “R” activities – reading, red wine and regurgitating the countless words that whirl around in my brain. (there may be a movie thrown in for good measure)

I hope you all take the time to let yourself breathe – spend a lazy day doing the little things that make you feel human again.  And if you have any suggestions for things to do on that day of nothingness…..feel free to send along some suggestions…..I’m always looking for new ways to achieve lethargy!!

When worlds collide

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I have a friend, not the imaginary kind that you invent to talk about yourself, but a real friend who has recently begun dipping her toes back into the dating pool after leaving a bad relationship.  Trust me, if I were talking about myself I would be splashing the headlines of this blog with the water from that pool.

Like all swimmers, she has been testing out different areas of the dating pool, attempting alternate swimming strokes to see which swim is most comfortable for her.  Recently the seemingly Olympic sized swimming pool shrunk down into an inflatable pool you would find on any front lawn and a few worlds collided in the process.

pool

(image credit: xminflatable.com)

When you live in a small town, anonymity and dating do not go hand in hand.  Even if you find a secluded spot to spend some time getting to know each other, inevitably someone you know will be a witness to that moment and your secret rendezvous is no longer a secret.

She has been casually dating a few men sporadically and had accepted an offer to go out for drinks from a new potential suitor.  Being the aforementioned small town, we really have only one restaurant / bar that is a desired spot to take a date.  They decided to begin with a  cocktail on the outside deck, shades on, and enjoy the view of the water but her view suddenly shifted to one of her other swimming partners on the deck with a new date of his own.  The waters may have churned momentarily but her date was moved indoors for dinner and avoided any further discomfort.

On the way to the table she noticed a familiar face seated at the bar.  Another swimmer from her dating pool was deeply ensconced in a conversation on a date of his own as well.  Worlds collided again and the size of the dating pool had just become a Dixie cup!  Like mature adults, each of them went on with their dates never revealing that anything was strange about the three of them being in the same restaurant, each on separate dates.

Being in the dating pool is a challenge.  You can tread water for great lengths of time before encountering another swimmer or the pool can immediately be inundated with other swimmers also testing the waters.  There is no judgement, only curiosity.  There are no rules only requests for safety and respecting the others swimming space.  I admire her for being in that pool and can only hope she will find the one swimmer that will match her speed and agility throughout her life!

Hurt people hurt people

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Life itself is a study of human behaviour.  On any given day we are subjected to a barrage of human emotions and we are forced to choose how we are affected by the cacophony of those desires, disturbances and agitations.

I have realized more and more as I spend time with people on a daily basis that our moods can blanket a crowd.  Our feelings can either stifle a room with their despondent nature or they can lift a room with their positivity.  And within those moments of truly understanding how moods can be like waves encroaching on a shore I have come to realize a very important truth – hurt people hurt people.  Whether it is their true intention to drown those of us on the shore with their pessimistic approach to life. it seems to assuage some of their unsettled feelings if they can make others feel that same sense of repugnant emotion.

waves on a shore

I can only understand this phenomenon because I approach it from the other side of the behavioural spectrum.  I am a very optimistic person and when life doles out those proverbial lemons I am never upset by the bitter gift.  But for a great number of people out there,those lemons don’t ever have the hope of representing anything as beautiful as what I envision them becoming.  There is no lemon meringue pie, no lemon curd trifle – they see them as nothing more than lemons – sour, porous sponges awaiting a multitude of bacteria to invade their outer skin.

When I am presented with that undue sense of adverse emotion I can only respond with empathy.  I know that the root of that misguided emotion has to do with something much deeper than anything I could ever comprehend by just being on the receiving end of their stinging barbs.   Those people who hurt so deeply want nothing more than for others to feel the pain that they are governed by so they don’t feel so alone in their misery.

Perhaps I have watched one too many crime dramas and understand the true affliction of unhappiness and ingrained sadness.  Or perhaps I have seen first-hand how every day life can try to drain every ounce of positivity we hold so dear.  Whatever the reason, I will always reserve the belief that people’s emotional lives are not linear.  One sudden event cannot bring the peace that they are seeking.  But if we can inject one small amount of good will, some semblance of positive energy into their lives, perhaps we can help eventually right their wrongs and swing the curve of energy in their lives back to the positive side.  Each of us has the chance to inspire goodness every day and who wouldn’t want to wield that power?  We may not be able to make them forget their sadness but, just maybe, we can help them see that within their past angst they can learn to create a new happiness and finally make something good out of those lemons.

“Though nothing can bring back the hour of the splendor in the grass, glory in the flower, we will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind” ~ William Wordsworth


					

		
					
			




				
					


	

		

							

					Don’t be an echo
				

			
							
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Entering into the blogging community, I knew there would be a myriad of voices – voices that expounded opinions from many points of the spectrum of language, voices that wanted to speak and voices that yearned to be heard.


Each post that is put into the blogosphere has the ability to change the conversation and each writer’s voice is unique.  The joy of reading these blogs is that it opens the mind to different possibilities.  No one voice is the same, yet every string of words that is written has the ability to deeply influence its reader and affect their perception of those words.


Conformity in the writing world is blasphemy – challenging the parameters is a requirement.  If your writing sets you apart from others, whether it be your content or your writing style, your words are exclusive.  Many writers may tackle the same subject but each mind gives an unparalleled view and invites the reader into their perception of reality.


The writing Gods, or demons (depending on the hour of day that you are incessantly tapping at your keyboard), are relentless.  They wake you from unadulterated slumber, they seep into your dreams and they shadow you during your waking hours.  They infiltrate your thoughts and transport you into a world of possibility.  No two writers will ever have the same journey.


Telling a writer to change their style of writing is like telling a leopard to change its spots.  Those spots define that creature and the words on the page mark the individuality of the writer.  Speak up, writers.  Speak up and let your voice be heard.  Be your own voice and not an echo.   An echo is only an imitation and if you have things to say, say it your way.




(The Echo Amphitheatre in New Mexico- photo credit ~ vivanewmexico.com)

					

		
					
			




				
					


	

		

							

					To my mom – Trifextra Challenge
				

			
							
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Your strength and tenacity plagues yet amazes me.  You defy the odds of modern medicine and diagnosis.  Despite expectation you continue to thrive and live to see another day.  The gates will wait.


~


Written for the weekend Trifecta Challenge and dedicated to my mom who is in failing health, but continues to fight with every ounce of her determination.


The challenge is this:  Last weekend we gave you a super prescriptive prompt.  We also promised you we’d ease up this week.  As such, this weekend we are asking for a thirty-three word free-write.  Any topic, any style–just give us your best thirty three.

					

		
					
			




				
					


	

		

							

					Feeding the right wolf
				

			
							
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It never ceases to amaze me when people make gross assumptions about single people and feel that they must be missing something in their lives.  Not all single people are lonely.  Just as not all people who are taken are in love.  Some things we see on our own would completely escape our attention if we were with others.


Single is not a status.  I am forging through this life unattached again by choice.  That decision took some deep soul-searching on my part but in the end it was the best decision I have made in a long time.  My willingness to be on my own again only solidified the fact that I am strong enough to live and thrive without having to depend on another person to perpetuate my happiness.  There were days during my marriage that I felt more alone than I do now that I live on my own again.


For some reason my change in marital status brought to mind the story of the elderly Cherokee speaking to his grandson and explaining about the two wolves that reside within each of us.  One is evil.  It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment and lies.  The other is good.  It is love, kindness, humility, hope, empathy and truth.  When the boy questions the grandfather as to which wolf wins, the grandfather simply replies, “the one you feed”.


two-wolves


By choosing to end my relationship and live on my terms I chose to feed the good wolf.  Once again I feel surrounded by a sense of peace that I have not enjoyed in a while.  I do not hold any ill will towards my ex whatsoever but he was the oil to my water.  He had a heaviness in his emotions that felt oppressive and suffocating and it began to change the person I had been.  We make much better friends than we ever did marital partners.  By choosing to untangle the knot of our union I gave myself permission to begin a new journey.  I allowed myself to delve further into my psyche than I had ever done previously and really focus my attention on who I really am and what I really want.


On that journey I have discovered many new things about myself as well as rediscovering some things that have been long since buried.  I have gained a confidence that I never knew I had and have developed a new respect for the strength I possessed to make that great leap of faith to cut the ties that bound me to the person I had become.  I now feel weightless.  Some days I wish I could truly float out of my body just to gain more perspective and give myself a thumbs up.


Single is not lonely.  Single is exploration.   Single is permission to simply be.  It is not a sentence but a rare opportunity to give ourselves the chance to really get to know who we truly are, warts and all, and to really embrace the qualities that make us unique.


The wind at my back is my yesterdays tickling my skin with the promise of today and gently pushing me into tomorrow.  Whether I enter my tomorrows alone or with another my contentment will be at the forefront of the decisions I make.  If my choice is to be single, I will never be lonely.

					

		
					
			




				
					


	

		

							

					Common Sense
				

			
							
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Common sense may not be as common as we would like to think.  Common sense is described as the basic level of practical knowledge and judgement that we all need to help us live in a reasonable and safe way.  Although that seems like a very simple idea there are many people who are unable to harness the that basic level of sense.




I have had this discussion with many friends on many occasions – would you rather be book smart or have common sense?  My answer was always the same and always will be – I would far rather have common sense. People with book smarts that lack that aspect of common sense are few and far between, but it does happen.  They can memorize an entire year of law reviews and quote Roe v. Wade verbatim but when it comes to simple, common sense decisions they lack the ability to put things into a functional perspective.


I am fortunate that I was born with a quick, analytical mind.  I can take a situation and process it quickly to come up with a viable solution.  This to me is common sense – being able to scrutinize your surroundings and make a valid decision based on your opinion.


Common sense allows you to interpret and respond to a situation within seconds.  It may seem like a snap judgement but there is stronger force helping guide you to that decision that you feel in your gut is the right thing to do. Book smarts can only get you so far but common sense will guide you seemingly and effortlessly through this journey we call life.  I can’t tell you the details of Roe v. Wade but I can certainly get myself through any situation with some careful thought and conscientious decision-making.


There is a profound satisfaction in knowing that, although I may not be entirely book smart, I can navigate my way through life with a sense of knowing that I will be able to conquer whatever arises with a bit of common sense.  I can always pick up a book or Google the answers that evade me in certain circumstances, but situational awareness and the comfort in having common sense will far outweigh being my own Encyclopedia any day.

					

		
					
			




				
					


	

		

							

					Oxy…who are you calling a moron?
				

			
							
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I think a lot of us are clearly confused by how an oxymoron is defined. Wikipedia defines an oxymoron as a figure of speech that combines contradicting terms.  Is that lone definitive term a false truth, and is it our one choice?  It’s seriously funny that we use so many of them on a fairly regular basis and have no idea of the genuine imitation of the English language that we are twisting to suit our purpose.


oxymoron


The larger half of us would not believe how many oxymoronic phrases can interject themselves into our daily lives.  We may be absolutely unsure of what the true meaning is, but we ignore the deafening silence and still go on based on that unbiased opinion.


It would be a pretty ugly reality to think that our life is based on a series of contradictory ideas.  We struggle enough just to make sense of reality without having to look for hidden meanings and misconstrued messages.  It is old news that life is a series of mysteries, and it is sweet sorrow when we realize that we are caught in the cycle of definite maybes.


We are alone together in a churning sea of absurdity.  We are lost in the moment when genuine imitation becomes a minor crisis and we have to delve further to free ourselves from a potential crash landing.  That moment of anticipated serendipity presents itself, and I will be among the first to admit my unease with the constructive ambiguity.


While we think we are doing nothing to circumvent the problem, there is an increasing decline in that belief.  Our systematic way of uncovering these terms comes to a rolling stop and we are forced to look at the original copies of our intended idea.


Don’t let the tragic comedy of the English language confuse you.  Be aware of those oxymorons and alleviate any organized chaos in your life.  There may be the most subtle exaggeration in the nuance of words but be cognizant of the silent alarm that will be an awfully good warning of the presence of the greater evil of these false truths.


This post may be going nowhere.  But while you search for the consistent uncertainties in my writing…..give me your extensive briefing and let me know how many oxymorons you think there were in this post.  I will wait through the quiet noise and give you my educated guess after I’ve had my Jumbo Shrimp and boneless ribs for dinner.  Good grief, this post may be a whole piece of true fiction.  Sorry if it was a little much!

					

		
					
			




				
					


	

		

							

					A Broken Heart
				

			
							
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There are three things I know about a broken heart.  The first is it will heal.  The second is it will heal.  The third is it will heal.


~


Written for the weekend Trifextra challenge:  This weekend we are asking you to play around with the following quote:


Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind. –Henry James


We want you to follow the same general structure of the above quote.  Feel free to change the subject–tell us what’s important about coffee or houseplants or whatever you’d like.  Or else change up the modifier–instead of telling us what’s important, tell us what’s sexy or overrated or pernicious.  Your last three lines should closely echo James’s, giving us the same answer three times. – See more at: http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/#sthash.7JTIHbF7.dpuf

					

		
					
			




				
					


	

		

							

					The countdown begins
				

			
							
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“Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.”


~ H.H. The Dalai Lama


It never ceases to amaze me.  Human behavior, whether good or bad, has enough energy to directly affect our own sense of self.  I am a calm person.  I have always had a great sense of peace about me and am quick to find the good in situations and in people.  But my faith in human nature takes a strong nose-dive when tourist season begins.


When you grow up in a small town or a small community, there is a true sense of peace knowing your neighbors and being familiar with those around you.  You learn to expect a certain level of camaraderie and happiness.  The members of the community embrace you and are quick with a smile and a genuinely warm hello.


With the arrival of the Canada Day long weekend, that seems to have changed.  No longer will you find the locals out shopping at all hours of the day and carrying on conversations as if nothing were more important.  Now those locals are hidden behind the doors of their homes, emerging only in the early hours of the day to do their shopping to avoid the onslaught of tourists.  The freedom of being able to enjoy our tiny town has vanished.


crowd




(image credit: theinertia.com)


I ventured out too late this morning and became caught in the vortex of that familiar angst and cynicism that seems to travel North on Highway 400 and vacation here during the months of July and August.  Everyone is in a rush to get everywhere and tempers are short.  I arrived at my familiar grocery store, exited my vehicle and my eardrums were pierced with two unfamiliar voices arguing about the angled parking  job of one of the overwhelmingly expensive vehicles in the parking lot.  I guess the memo about relaxing while on vacation was never sent!


We, as a community, have 10 short weeks to ‘make hay while the sun shines’, as the old saying goes.  For as much as these tourists treat us as an inferior breed of humans, they are a grand part of our existence.  So we grin and bear it….and we begin the countdown to Labor Day Monday.


Like animals emerging from hibernation, we allow ourselves to come out of our homes and once again greet the land and our surroundings after that glorious September long weekend.  We take deep breaths of fresh air and greet our friends with a smile, having survived another two months of insanity.  The local pub patios are packed with locals happily waving at the cars as they make their way back to their concrete jungle.  On rare occasions, streakers have been known to hit the streets with signs, wishing the tourists a safe ride home.  (well, it may have been worded differently, but you get the idea).


Until that day comes, I will do my best not to let the stress of these visitors infect my happy disposition.  66 days to go….but who’s counting??