I can’t add anything to this. It speaks volumes.
Category Archives: musings
Yes Charlie Brown, happiness really is a warm blanket
3 CommentsOur friends are like blankets. They can be an endless string of material woven together with such strength that they completely envelope us or they can be an array of tattered old pieces of what once was a blanket, holding desperately to the strength they once had but unable to fully cover us when we really need it. Regardless of whether the blanket is old or new, the heart of the fiber is still created from the same cloth and still retains the ability to protect a portion, if not all, of us.
Over time, it is inevitable that some cloth becomes distorted from its original plush appearance, but if you delve into memories of that blanket, you can hold on to the soothing feelings you once got from it and realize that it did everything in its power to keep you warm and protected. It can evoke a feeling as strong as a childhood sense of urgency to hold on to a security blanket.
Some blankets are indestructible. Although time may march over that blanket a thousand times, its resolve to stay in its original shape is overwhelming. It is always consoling when you need to seek comfort, it is never in a place you cannot find it and it will always be big enough to cover all of you. On very rare occasions, a blanket can be unintentionally neglected but when you rediscover that unique blend of interlaced textiles, you cherish the true strength of those fabrics and know they will never unravel. Once you wrap yourself in that blanket again it is like coming home but after never really having been away.
I am thankful for all of my blankets – the old, the new and the recently rediscovered. Every fiber of material that makes up those blankets has offered me comfort at some point in my life and I hope my blanket has done the same for them. I can always take solace in the fact that the material they are made of is genuine and it is readily available whenever I need to feel soothed on those stormy nights.
When there is nothing left to do but laugh like an idiot
12 CommentsThere are a very rare number of glimpses into a perfect juncture in time. Those precious gifts are brought at unsuspecting moments but, when the mood catches you at the right time, laughter becomes unstoppable to the point that tears begin to roll down your cheeks, your ribs ache and your stomach muscles become constricted.
I had one of those moments last night. I was watching a show where an actor was doing an impression of Christopher Walken – not an easy feat but he did it with such impressive articulation it spurred me to go to YouTube to find more impersonations.
I must preface my evening’s lunacy by announcing my love for old musicals. My Fair Lady was a favorite to watch with my parents. It is a treasured memory of a time gone by that will remain with me throughout my life. When our leading lady is learning proper diction, the phrase “The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain” is uttered continuously to help her ease out of her Cockney accent and pass as a well-bred lady. So when I stumbled on what I thought was a depiction of Christopher Walken, this gem of humor surfaced and had me watching it over and over until I couldn’t see because I was laughing so hard.
Moments like the one I had are hard to come by. There are so few times that we allow ourselves the reckless abandon to be able to laugh the way I did. Life hits us with a barrage of reality and it is so difficult to give ourselves permission to be silly but those moments make it possible for us to deal with the hand that life has dealt.
Today will be a bright day for me because I go into it knowing I still have the capacity to let go, to laugh at something so inane but something that was able to break the constraints of my day-to-day existence. I let everything else go and, just for a moment, laughter riddled my body with the kind of pain I wish I experienced more often.
Allow yourself that moment. Give yourself permission to throw every responsibility on the back burner and just enjoy life, even if it’s only for that brief moment. These are the rare glimpses of your life that you will carry with you and the pain you will want to remember.
A grudge at rest should remain at rest
5 CommentsI know I need to let it go.
It’s not even my grudge to hold on to,
not if I were completely honest.
But that doesn’t seem to stop me
from bearing the weight of its memory.
I feel rage when the cause presents itself,
over and over,
the glaring reminder pokes the sleeping bear,
the creature who surrendered in my mind,
but not in my heart.
My anger wants to lash out,
to right what is so wrong,
to make the waning memory remain present,
to rub that reflection in the face of the here and now.
But I need to let go.
What has been done,
will never be undone,
not if I had a thousand wishes
over a thousand lifetimes.
The higher road beckons,
and I will set my foot on that path of rising above.
But taking that road will not erase the memory,
it will not eradicate the anger,
nor will it quell the yearning for vengeance.
I may not be able
to let this sleeping dog lie,
but I know it is the right thing to do.
Sleep, errant dog,
and let those moments slowly fade.
Dare to dream BIG
5 CommentsDreams come in all forms. The one I had last night was a prime example of all of the outside forces in my world coming together in a blend of incongruous ideas. But dreams keep life exciting. Dreams are the wishes we make for ourselves and hold close to our hearts.
I have several dreams – some seem absolutely attainable and others seem light years from my perception of reality but I hold those dreams as close as the wishes that dangle at the tips of my outstretched fingers. Those delusions of grandeur make me strive, not only to succeed but, to make my life as close to my image of perfection as possible.
Dreams give us motivation. Dreams make the mundane tasks of everyday life seem that much more bearable. Dreams can transport us from reality into a glimpse of a microcosm so far from our daily routine that the mere idea seems absurd. But those dreams give us hope. Even though those desires convey the impression of being impervious to our concept of life as we know it, we still need to maintain the assumption that dreams come true. The strength of our imagination makes dreams become more plausible and leaves a door open to a world beyond the essence of our day-to-day life. Those dreams make us breathe.
My dreams have no restrictions. I dream small and I dream big. The image below is one of my big dreams and one that I cannot seem to let go. I want to own a Morgan. I have had an infatuation with this car since the late 1980’s. I can visualize it in my driveway. I can picture what I am wearing when I drive it. It has gone from passion to craving. Oddly enough, I was looking through some old family photo albums and came across a picture of my dad standing in front of a Morgan on one of his trips to Florida. I had no idea this obsession was genetic!
(image credit: retrothing.com)
I will never give up this dream, or any of my dreams. The intensity I feel when I think about this car only fuels my desire to make this dream a reality. Many of my dreams may not come to fruition but that will never quench my desire to make those fantasies become real. The day I live without a dream is the day I stop living.
Never give up on your dreams. The day we stop thinking we can have something is the day we give up. Dreams give us hope. Dreams give us a drive to succeed. Dreams make us realize that all things are possible if we only choose to believe.
It ain’t a party until something gets celebrated
9 CommentsI love having a project. I get really excited about planning a function and making as many things as I can myself. I planned every part of my wedding down to the finest detail. I made my own wedding cake and created a wedding cookbook for our guests. The people who were at our wedding said it was one of the best parties they had been to and talked about it for months after.
I had never been on Pinterest until about eight months ago and now I am addicted. It has given me so many great recipe ideas as well as crafts and decorating ideas. Where was this site when I was in my planning stages for my wedding? Regardless, I have certainly made up for lost time.
My brother’s 50th birthday is rapidly approaching and I am excited to be at the helm of the organization committee, which will mostly be me but that’s the way I like it. I have been relentlessly surfing Pinterest for some great ideas, collecting photographs and creating an epic slide show on Power Point. I have chosen to only pick the relatively innocent photographs since my 50th will follow in four short years and I want to stay on his good side! (James, read that line over again and let it sink in)
There are so many great ideas I have saved and now I have to sort through the best of the bunch to choose which ones will work for the party. I am excited to have all of our friends gathered together again to celebrate the half century my brother has been on this revolving planet. He truly is one of my best friends and I can’t wait to help him celebrate the past 50 years and help him prepare for the next 50.
Every little bit counts
1 CommentEvery person is made up of bits. Bits of humor mixed with bits of wisdom and intelligence and a few bits of humanity thrown in for good measure. All of us have bits of our selves. Some of those bits we share with the masses and some of those bits we only share with those closest to us.
Along our journey through life we choose to share the pieces of ourselves that we feel deeply connected to but we only choose to share them with people we are drawn to, people who will truly appreciate those bits of us and will find those bits endearing. We all have good bits and bad bits. There are bits of our past that are tainted but the true friends in our lives will see past those bits and realize they made us who we are today.
When you make a connection with someone who understands the pieces of you that make you who you are, the feeling of comfort is instantaneous. The bits of you that made you self-conscious no longer exist and you find strength in the bits of you that you once questioned. Those pieces of your life that seemed foreign now fit into the bigger picture and the puzzle is not nearly as puzzling. And those pieces of you that you chose to share somehow find a home in the hearts of those who truly get you.
At the end of the day we are the sum of all of our bits, good and bad. It is the strong forces in our lives that will accept us as the accumulation of our bits and look at the whole picture, not just focusing on each of the parts as individual pieces and labeling them as good or bad. Those people don’t enter our lives very often. When they do come along they leave a lasting impression. They will love you to bits and love all of your bits.
And then the muses slowly disappeared…..
13 CommentsI’ve been dreading writing this week. I knew it was coming and as much as I thought I could distract myself with topics that did not strike me on an extremely personal level, I was wrong.
I have been enjoying a great relationship with my muse since January 1st. Together we have posted every day since the start of the new year, sometimes twice a day, and I have become truly immersed in the creative process. But something drastically changed with the passing of the calendar month. My muse has slowly retreated from the active space in my mind. It has nothing to do with the continuing frigid temperatures or the delay of springs’ arrival. It has everything to do with the looming date of March 7th.
That day in the calendar year of 2014 irrevocably altered my life. It seems like only hours ago I received that horrific early morning phone call to tell me my mother had passed unexpectedly and my life spun into a tornado-like funnel cloud. Images, hours, even days blurred. To think it will be a year on Saturday astounds me.
It feels like I am back in the first moments of coming to terms with the news and yet there have been so many firsts since then. Birthdays, anniversaries, Thanksgiving, Christmas….all were celebrated to the best of our ability with her glaring and undeniable absence. Knowing that she is no longer suffering the effects of her illness is the only comfort I have. It should ease some of my suffering but the feeling of loss goes much deeper than that.
At least each day I am still here gives me a chance to hold her memory as close as I would like to hold her in a childlike embrace. The pain never goes away, we just think about it differently as time moves on.
Rabbits and lions and lambs….oh my
14 CommentsAs it is with every first day of the month I will have awoken, most likely at 3:45 am because that is a new and inescapable routine, and hopefully remembered to repeat the phrase “white rabbit” three times before I uttered any other words. It is a long-standing family tradition and one that is meant to bring luck for the following month.
Today is not only the first of the month, but it is the first of March which brings Spring closer to reality. After the winter we have just experienced, and still are experiencing, Spring will be a very welcome companion. The mercury is predicted to begin rising and the sun will have some warmth in its shine. I have already begun preparations for my tanning session on the deck and, even if I am fully covered in snow gear, I am going to enjoy every ounce of Vitamin D I can extract from that fire-ball during the high temperature of -5C.
Tanning in the early months of February and March is a family tradition I cannot seem to part with. When I was a child, we would spend hours in lawn chairs on the frozen lake and absorb all of the goodness from the sun. There is no better feeling than the first real heat of a Spring day and having those rays welcomed by an eager face.
This year, I am unsure as to whether the arrival of Spring will be classified as coming in like a lamb, or coming in like a lion. After the harsh winter and bitter winds we have experienced, it will certainly feel like a lamb, but having March temperatures still hovering around -15 C may classify the entrance into this new month as coming in like a lion.
Groundhog’s shadow or not, Spring is coming. I just hope it gets here before the rabbits, the lion and the lamb all freeze their asses off!
polysyllabic profundities 