I have nothing to add to this…….
Category Archives: love
Not-so-dry cleaning
2 CommentsWorking in the hospitality business goes hand-in-hand with working long hours. I can adapt to the hours but my dog is the one who takes the brunt of my lifestyle in the summer months. I will never leave her outside on a chain to battle the elements. She is firmly ensconced in our home, lazily spending her hours watching the wildlife from the comfort of my bed while the air conditioner keeps her cool. I have several people who are more than willing to come over and let her out during the day because she is such a happy dog but having her be the excuse for me to leave work for thirty minutes is wonderful.
(a much younger Callaway)
During these long days, I often wonder how she invests her time. Is she reorganizing my kitchen cabinets? Has she mastered the satellite remote? Does she inventory my refrigerator? But each day when I get home from my struggle to survive my sometimes 10-12 hour days, she is there to greet me and nothing in the house seems out-of-place. Until recently…..
I returned home from my usual work day and I was greeted by the reassuring excitability that I have come to expect. The house, as usual, was completely intact. The garbage was untouched and the serene ambiance wrapped its arm around my shoulder and pulled me into its embrace to welcome me home.
My attention was immediately diverted to the duvet cover on my bed and what seemed to be a single article of clothing bunched up in the middle of the bed. It wasn’t shredded, however the entire shirt was extremely damp. She had been licking my shirt and focusing her attention on the armpits of the shirt.
Now, you have to understand that my closet is hidden by a decorative cloth shower curtain that poses as a makeshift door. Somehow, she was able to get behind the shroud of the curtain, move the articles of clothing she had no interest in and gingerly lift that particular shirt from the middle of the pile of laundry in the basket. She also strategically replaced the curtain so nobody could catch on to her devious plot.
As much as I miss her during my day, it broke my heart to realize how much she truly misses me during her day. The writing was on the wall, or in this case on the bed. My scent comforted her during her lonely day while she waited for me to return home.
We are more than halfway through our busy season and soon my work days will become shorter and more structured. My time with her will increase and perhaps her need to be close to my deodorant-saturated shirts will abate somewhat because I will be here with her and not spending long days at work. I am grateful every day for her patience and her love and look forward to the moments we can spend together in the fall.
Party on Weight, Party on Girth! ~ Part Duh
12 CommentsA couple years ago, I was in the same mindset and wrote this post and here I am again. Like most people who struggle with their weight, I have good moments and bad moments. Working in hospitality gives me even more of a challenge having to be around food all day, every day. And the icing on the cake (yes, I had to use a food reference) is that we just hired a new chef at the lodge and have been tasting all of his wonderful creations.
It has not escaped my attention that my body is not as willing or able to break down many of these treats complimented by cream sauces and bacon. Many years ago, I followed a very regimented plan where the only processed foods I ate were the meals I processed myself. I knew exactly what I was putting into my mouth and I could pronounce every single ingredient.
I have been slowly getting back into the way I used to eat. Every week, I make five or six salads in a mason jar for my lunches. It is a quick process to prepare lunch for the week and even easier to grab a jar and know I am having a very healthy lunch. I am going to make my own granola tonight for my breakfasts and my body will react well to the fact there are no preservatives that it has to figure out how to break down. I don’t need any more random ingredients stored in fat cells because my digestive system can’t come to the proper conclusion on how to dispose of the mysterious ingredients.
Weight and Girth (thank you Saturday Night Live) have been jamming in the basement of my viscera for far too long and the eviction notice is waiting to be served. Today I had my last Peameal Bacon on a bun from my Aunt and Uncle’s restaurant, at least for a few months. My fridge will be stocked with fruit and vegetables, whole foods and water.
It’s time to start the party in another room in my body and let Weight and Girth take up space in someone else’s basement. And by sharing this with everyone who reads this blog, I am making myself accountable to kick those two out on the street. Party on Weight, Party on Girth…..just not in my world anymore. Schwing!
My greatest love affair
11 CommentsI can’t recall our first meeting but I can tell you it was love at first sight. My curious gaze met his warm, brown eyes and the rest is history. I was a year old, and he was a stuffed bear, but ours is a love story for the ages.
When I couldn’t fall asleep, Winnie was there. When I was excited to read my new poem or short story, Winnie was there. And, sadly, when my roommate’s dog escaped her confines and ran up to my room, Winnie was there. After some moderate facial reconstruction and many tears on my part, Winnie, or a new version of his former self, was still there. He is still slightly angry that he had bad plastic surgery.
He may have slightly faded with time, as have I, but he still remains the same stoic character that I have come to rely on over the last 48 years. We celebrate our birthdays together. My mother created Winnie from a 1965 McCall’s pattern and he was my gift on my first birthday. Although I have the benefit of one extra year of wisdom, each year is just as special because he is there to celebrate with me.
He has been my confidant, my best supporter and the shoulder (albeit padded) I know I can cry on whenever I feel the need to shed a tear or two. He, like me, has experienced an encyclopedia of reference material when it comes to life events but we have come out remarkably unscathed.
Happy Birthday Winnie! May the scars of our past help carve the road that leads us into our future.
A dream to build a kiss on
Leave a commentYou kissed me.
It was in my dream,
but the graze of your warm lips on mine
made time stand still
in that dream.
It was tentative at first,
but your hesitation told me
how much this first kiss meant.
Your eyes held my gaze,
suspended in time,
as our breathing quickened.
Your hand reached for mine
and our fingers intertwined.
Your gentle kiss spoke volumes,
yet needed no words.
My breath caught in my throat
and you just smiled,
watching my cheeks flush.
You leaned in again,
this time with no hesitation
as sure of this next kiss
as you are of your existence.
Our lips met again.
Your hands gently touched my face
as I pulled myself into you.
Time stood still,
and although the graze of your warm lips on mine
was only in a dream,
you kissed me.
Energy never dies, it simply changes
Leave a comment“As long as there is one person on Earth who remembers you, it isn’t over.” ~ Oscar Hammerstein, Carousel
~
I speak aloud to them and their faces later hover in my dreams,
those gone before me.
Perhaps it was their time.
Maybe they were taken before I was ready for them to be gone.
They leave a void on my plane of reality,
a chasm of memories that I jump into during random moments.
I bathe in the forgotten sound of their laughter,
I warm to the memory of their embrace.
But their energy never dies.
They yearn for me to engage them.
They delight in the moments that I recall our past together.
I keep their memory alive with every thought of them,
each recollection of their journey with me.
If I take that moment to remember,
to seek what I saw in them in the physical world,
I give those reflections a new vitality.
When I look into the darkness,
I see beyond the black veil of loss.
I see the light they brought to my life.
The case that once held those beautiful spirits may be gone,
but the mark they left on my soul never leaves me.
They remain in my heart for as long as I am alive.
Each time I look into the stars,
I know they are looking back at me.
Their energy never dies.
~
I apologize for nothing
Leave a commentIt has taken me a long time to get where I am.
It has taken strength and tears.
It has taken determination and a few breakdowns along the way.
But I am here.
There may have been a few detours along the way
but I apologize for nothing.
My path has led me to where I am now.
I have gained courage along that path.
I have learned to trust myself and my values
and not to second guess my beliefs.
I have learned that my thoughts matter
and that my advice is appreciated.
I have found strength in my wisdom
and I have found comfort in my gut instinct.
I have made many mistakes in my past,
but valued the lessons learned from those mistakes.
I have followed the roads,
but have been blessed by those detours.
I have accepted my life and where I am
because I am truly happy,
and that is what matters.
My life may not be what others think it should be,
but it is my life.
I am happy.
And I know the best is yet to come,
so I apologize for nothing.
I just called…..to say…….I love you
5 CommentsI was sent a message by a friend who, like me, has been struggling to find a reason for all the recent losses that our small town has endured. In a community like ours, you either know everyone or you know them by six degrees of separation, so when someone passes away the ripple effect of that loss reaches everyone.
It is times like these that I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support shown to the families of those who have passed. And it is times like these that remind me to hold my loved ones that much closer.
My dad was a very emotional man who never shied away from saying ‘I love you’. He was very demonstrative about his feelings and nobody was ever left guessing about his affection for them. My mother didn’t start out that way, but she eventually found comfort in sharing her feelings as well. It wasn’t until after my parents had passed that my brother and I drew much of our strength from sharing that same three-word phrase with each other.
It saddens me that some people feel uncomfortable saying ‘I love you’. Even though they have the feelings, they are unable to comfortably share those sentiments when, ultimately, that is how they feel.
I don’t want to regret anything in the brief time that I have in this lifetime. I don’t want people to not know how I feel about them. Everyone one of you, whether we are family, friends or we have met through this blog, has had a tremendous impact on my life and I love all of you. Each of you has taken time to comment on or like the thing that I am most proud of, my writing, and I am grateful for that and each and every day. You all hold a very special place in my heart.
So, if I say I love you and it takes you off guard, just know that I am not trying to make you uncomfortable nor am I expecting you to tell me how you feel. I just want to know that I took the opportunity to tell you before it was too late.
Old words with the same message
2 CommentsI am doing something I don’t usually do by copying and pasting a post I wrote back in February of this year. The words I wrote then have a hauntingly familiar refrain and I want to share them again because I think they should be read.
“It doesn’t take a lot of strength to hang on, it takes a lot of strength to let go.” ~ J.C. Watts
~~
I was born a “fixer” and, until a few years ago, I had spent a great deal of my time taking on other people’s burdens as my own. But something shifted in the paradigm of my reality when I got divorced in 2012. I realized I was spending too much of my time trying to change a life that was not mine to change. I was hanging on to problems that irrevocably had impact on my life but I had no power to solve. I needed to let go. But I was so stuck in the pattern of my life that I didn’t know how to let go. I wanted so desperately for things to work out in my life that I honestly thought that this was the syllabus of my future.
It takes a monumental amount of courage to walk away from a relationship that you have put your heart and soul into, but a relationship has to give you what you need for it to be successful. By its very definition, a relationship is a form of communication. Wants and needs are expressed and, in a healthy relationship, are reciprocated without condition. Such was not the case for me and I knew it. I felt it deep within myself but it took me a long time to admit it because to do that would have made me feel like I had failed. But I had only failed myself by not seeing the signs sooner and listening to that nagging inner voice.
I finally found the nerve to put my needs first and, in finally letting go, I gave myself permission to define myself according to my needs and not the needs of anyone else. The strength to hang on was easy, it was my comfort zone, but finding the strength to let go made me feel eviscerated, vulnerable, and it was not something I was accustomed to.
I wanted to write this post because I have friends now in the situation in which I found myself years ago. I want them to know that letting go is not always the easy choice, but it may be the right choice, for them. It may be hard to listen to that petulant voice in your head, but that voice is the most sincerely honest advice you will ever get.
Don’t give up easily. If it is worth the fight, than fight, fight like your life depends on it. But if you know in your heart that nothing will ever change, let go, let go like your life depends on it.
Just sit back and listen
2 CommentsSome days are much more poignant than others. For me, yesterday was one of those days. I didn’t start the day knowing that my heart would be pummeled by a barrage of emotion but the result of my escapades resulted in a tidal pool of understanding and empathy.
In the rare moments between talk and react lies the innate ability to just listen. The urge to respond is overwhelming but a silent voice in the deep reaches tells us to remain silent and, for those of us who can harness this wisdom and do nothing but pay attention, we let others feel comfortable to speak their truth. We give them an asylum to breathe deeply and exhale their reality. We give them an opportunity to be raw and completely honest.
Sometimes the most important gift we can give is our silence and I was reminded of this yesterday. If somebody wants your opinion, be honest. But if that somebody just wants you to listen, be silent. Really hear what it is that they want to say and wait until they ask for your thoughts. That gift of quietude can express your support in a way that words will never be able to achieve.
Sometimes the best advice you can give is no advice. Just be willing to sit back, truly hear what they are saying and let your friends know that they have the freedom to speak without interruption. Silence speaks louder than words.
polysyllabic profundities 