I had not realized I had ignored it. I could always count on it to lead me through my life so, when I really searched, I found it where it always has been, rendered visible to all, worn proudly on my sleeve.
Category Archives: challenges
The more things change, the more they are different
8 CommentsBlogging is a fickle mistress. Back when I started this journey I had no followers and no clue what I was doing. I just wanted to write.
With much persistence and an avid desire to keep writing, I did just that. Along the way, people began to read what I had to say and, not only that, took the time to make comments and leave their two cents about the words I had spent so many hours crafting into submission. Those were blissful times in my life and, as the momentum continued, I gained new followers and new friends throughout the process.
But as with all things that change, and contrary to the subjective saying, nothing every really stays the same. Life gets in the way and those little joys that were once so ingrained in our daily lives are shelved to make room for reality. During the last three summers, work has taken a front seat while my creativity has been stored in a tool box in the trunk of my life.
Every autumn, I find the key, open that trunk and hope my creativity has maintained some of its shape during the bumpy rides it has been made to withstand. Although the integrity of my imagination seems somewhat intact, the struggle to achieve the same level of contact with readers and followers seems to wane. It is the fault of no single circumstance and it simply means I have to delve back into the vigor of writing that I had when I began this wonderful pilgrimage through written expression.
I have sworn to be diligent, not only in my writing but, in my covenant to be a good follower of all the blogs I have chosen to support with my likes and comments. I have been inattentive, through no fault of my own, and have made a pact with myself to make up for my negligence and become more of a presence in this world of words, especially with those who have stuck by me on this ride.
Relationships of every kind take effort. I look forward to challenging myself to put forth my best effort to post things of meaning and to post them often. I look forward to mending fences, creating new connections and having my little typewriter appear in many areas of this blogosphere and throughout the other worlds of people who love to read.
Sometimes it feels like only your keyboard will listen to you, but if you keep at it your audience will grow and you will find your true voice. ~ SN
Turns out I’m not the biggest loser
9 CommentsFor the past month I have been diligently somewhat enthusiastically following a strict regimen of caloric intake to participate in a weight loss challenge (#wlc) with my best friend and her husband. I have made many sacrifices and changed my shopping lists multiple times to adhere to the necessary guidelines of not eating food I should not be eating. After thirty days, we have all weighed in and, although I am proud of my accomplishment, Daniel won the battle.
The deal going in was that the “losers” had to eat what the victor had been using as nourishment during the challenge. Daniel decided to change the rules and we had to succumb, I’ll admit enthusiastically, to a double cheeseburger today. Once the arbitrary new guideline had been established, I hungrily began making my shopping list for dinner. I already had frozen burger patties in my freezer but the necessary garnishes were required to complete my meal.
I felt like a thief, looking over my shoulder across the parking lot, as I smuggled my contraband ingredients to my car. The jar of pickles, processed cheese slices and bun lay hidden in my grocery store bag as I tried to conceal my guilt on the way to my car. I have been known to cook several very upscale meals but, when it comes to my burger, my cheese of choice is synthetic Kraft Singles and nothing else will do!
![IMG_2337[1]](https://polysyllabicprofundities.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/img_23371.jpg)
The burgers were cooked perfectly. The pickles were just as salty as I remembered and the almost-real cheese dripped from the burger patties just as it should have. My dinner was delicious and the anticipated two extra pounds were worth it.
As I say my “White Rabbit” three times tonight at the stroke of midnight, I can only hope luck will find me once again this month and continue the trend of shedding pounds. I may not be the biggest loser but I’m still a loser, and I’m okay with that.
A little blood on Halloween seems almost redundant
4 CommentsI used to love carving pumpkins. I was one of those weirdos hoping to have the most creative pumpkin on the block, so I bought a carving kit and some patterns and locked myself in a room to avoid distraction.
Walls were spattered with stringy pieces of eviscerated pumpkin. Elongated strings of profuse verbiage slithered under the doorway, assaulting the ears on the other side of the door, and small drops of minor arterial spray infused themselves into the paint on the wall. But at the end of the painstaking process I achieved success! The copious amount of band-aids, blood loss and light-headedness were worth the effort. My pumpkins were the talk of the town. My then-boyfriend’s children (who I still refer to as my step-children) were even proud to acknowledge the creativity on our front doorstep.
After my first attempt, I became a little less guarded when it came to the carving process and the whole family would get involved. Where there were originally only two arms covered in pumpkin guts, eight sticky arms reveled in the joy of dissecting the large gourds and separating the seeds from the gooey mess. Each of us skilfully created our masterpieces and sat back with a smile as the toothy pumpkins returned our stares.
The house would begin to smell of the roasting pumpkin seeds and, after a massive clean up, we would light our pumpkins and snack on the seeds in the darkened living room. The memories of those nights of laughter and camaraderie are the ones I still hold close.
As the eve of Halloween approaches, I am slightly saddened that those years are so far behind me. I live on a street where no children trick-or-treat so there is no need to create any more scary faces. Perhaps this year I should take advantage of the fact that my digits are all still intact and drag out the carving tools once again. I’m sure my dog would like to sit in the dark with me staring at faces like these:
Happy Halloween everyone!
Which side of the road should the chicken be on?
7 CommentsIt is almost November and the weather is going to great lengths to remind us of the impending torture of unpredictable temperatures and precipitation for the next thirty plus days. Today was a glowing example of that. The remnants of Hurricane Patricia swirled hungrily around our little town and brought with them the feeling of doom that always precedes winter. The rain fell sideways and the South West wind systematically unzipped our coats to leave us feeling exposed to the elements.
On my drive home from work, watching the storm-laden sky become even darker, I could think of nothing more than crawling into a cave of blankets in my living room and allowing myself to succumb to the heat that would soon be escaping from my baseboard heaters. The thought of having to cook a full dinner did not impress me at all so I visited the grocery store and purchased a warm, fragrant pre-roasted chicken.
There is nothing better than comfort food on a cold, grey night. The pungent smell of the chicken permeated my kitchen as I boiled some potatoes and made a somewhat deconstructed stuffing. Onions and celery were left to saute with some bacon as the potatoes were mashed into submission. I usually love to add some flare to the presentation of my meals, but comfort food speaks loudly and needs neither pomp nor circumstance to assert its message.
The food was delicious. My heaters obliged by taking the chill out of the air but the meal lacked a certain something. I love my solitude. I enjoy my own company and I have several friends, one close friend in particular, who admire me for being so content on my own. But my “Thrifty Thursday” Chicken (as the store labelled it), my mashed potatoes and bread-less stuffing would have tasted much better had I been able to share it with someone special.
There is much to be said about living on your own. That privilege of freedom defines gratitude better than a thousand dictionaries. But the joy of being in a room with someone who helps accentuate your happiness is immeasurable. Whether those moments are shared in silence or lost in a cacophony of laughter and endless conversation, those are the moments that create memories. And those are the moments that can sometimes make solitude feel a little more like loneliness.
It was a bad math exam
2 CommentsI lived through a very tumultuous marriage. It was a great lesson for me but, in mathematical terms, the product of my relationship was divided by the sum of our differences and eventually created a result that lacked a remainder. There were so many variables and so few constants that our bond was doomed from the beginning. I should have been the operator but, instead, I felt like a fraction of my true self.
The formula for a successful bond relies on a form of symmetry. The arrangement of the most fundamental parts of our lives need to align to create a true collaborative bond. You cannot expect to live a happy life in a paradox. You cannot create an answerable question without supplying the linear equation that gives you those answers. All of the pieces of your life need to make you happy, not just the sum of the happy parts. Going through the motions and cancelling out the negative parts of the bigger picture subtracts from the value of each day. Sure you will make mistakes along the way, but those mistakes should add to your education and not take away from your self-worth.
I lived that equation. The perfect number may exist in the glossary of mathematical terms but it does not thrive in real life. Perfection takes effort and, at the end of the exam, all of the negatives never added up to a positive for me. I was in the wrong equation and it was glaringly evident. It was time to subtract myself and cut my losses.
Once my math exam was over I learned to breathe freely again and I felt empowered by my freedom. I learned to enjoy my own company more than I ever had and it was liberating. What I currently perceive as solitude some would call loneliness but they don’t have the numbers to back up their hypothesis.
I now spend my days knowing that I passed that math test and that my final grade has truly helped me balance my life in a way that I never thought possible. And now that I have erased the errors of my past, I am free to create a new formula for my happiness. I can choose to remain constant or I can choose to add or subtract the things that will bring me the most happiness. Regardless of what I choose, I know I will only add the people who fill the gaps in my life and not those who subtract from my bliss.
You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind
10 CommentsI am thankful I have always been a realistic person with a penchant for the optimistic side of the scale. I have never been one to dwell on the unfavorable circumstances I have lived through but I have chosen to use those unfortunate times as lessons, and there have been many. I could have opted to wallow in my misery but I continued forward, leaving those inopportune moments to collect dust while I moved on. Had I allowed myself to exist in those adverse periods of my past, I would be in a very different place in my life today.
I am who I am because things in my life went wrong. But I am also who I am because of how I handled those things with a positive attitude. Even the most successful people have endured monumental setbacks. These moments are how life teaches us to be better people and these moments are why hope exists. That beacon of light in the darkness of our reality shines to draw us from the negativity that is ready to envelop us if we let it.
Optimistic minds see a glass as half full but truly positive minds will disregard that glass completely and only focus on its contents. There is no line and, if you take away the glass, there is no halfway mark. There is only the reality of what was in the glass in the first place.
We need to embrace the messy, broken glass of our crazy lives and we need to drain every favorable ounce of life out of the remains when the glass is removed. The substance inside the glass is what we focused on in the first place and, regardless of how it sat in the glass, it remains the positive part of the bigger picture.
Life is unpredictable. Life will try to dampen your spirits and cloud your skies. But life will always show you the rainbow if you are willing to see it.
Thanks for asking….
24 CommentsIt happened so naturally. Left bare, stripped to my very essence, releasing the shroud that hid my real self while I pretended to be happy. Divorce allowed me to stand unveiled and be proud of who I rediscovered. Being exposed is freeing.
Putting the focus back on me
14 Comments“Always remember, your focus determines your reality.” ~ George Lucas
I have been neglecting myself lately. And my 24-hour period of sleep last week was a glaring reminder that I must slow down and begin to put my needs ahead of everyone else’s needs. I am still fending off the same cold that knocked me down last week and I am hoping after two consecutive days off that my body will begin to heal itself.
My physical condition withstanding, I have also realized how many things I have put on the back burner over the last few months. My blog posts have been suffering. My blog reading has been non-existent. And the things I love doing, like making soup or reading a book, have been put on a shelf and left to collect dust.
But today, that momentum has shifted. I am making myself a “vision board” so I can focus on the things I want to do for myself. I have sketched and decided on a design that I am going to have tattooed on my wrist. I have been thinking about it for a while but have finally given myself permission to take that leap.
The infinity symbol is a message of empowerment – anything is possible. Carpe Diem is, not only my email address but, my mantra – seize the day, something I have been failing to do recently. The butterfly represents my mother and the owl represents my father. It is a perfect blend of all the things that have the most power over the person I am each day and the person I want to continue being.
On day one of my two days off, I currently have two different pots of soup simmering on the stove, the ingredients for a killer Chili in the fridge and my fingers are flying over the keyboard as I type this post. I feel like I am finding myself again. I feel happy knowing I have begun to assimilate to the creature I enjoy being. And I feel the most elation by knowing that I have retrained my focus and begun to put myself first.
Welcome to the party – who brought my past as my present?
Leave a commentBring the past, only if you’re going to build from it. ~ Domineco Estrada
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I am a big fan of Criminal Minds. It is one of the only shows I watch with any consistency. It is an hour of television that does not make me want to change the channel and most episodes begin or end with an inspiring quote to preface or summarize the plot. The above quote, from the show, gave me the kick I needed to get out of the rut I’ve been in lately.
I have not intentionally been dwelling in the past but snippets of my days-gone-by have been playing in my mind like frames from the old reel-to-reel movies. They have maneuvered their way out of my subconscious and wormed their way deep into the recesses of my brain. Fragments of those memories unexpectedly bubble to the surface and simmer long enough to permeate my continual thought process.
I am not ashamed of anything I have done in my past. Those recollections have not been reintroduced to make me feel regret about any choices I have made. They have merely reappeared to remind me of the lessons I have learned and to help me appreciate the wisdom I carry beneath my battle scars. And though these trips down memory lane have been taken unwittingly, they have served to remind me of where I have been and where I prefer to never go again.
I have chosen not to bury my past but to use it as the foundation for the life I continue to build. Those blocks of my lapsed memories serve as a strong support structure. They ensure that my present and my future are ready to withstand any storm that comes my way by giving me a solid structure to lean on in times of doubt. Those hidden gems of guidance will always serve as the backbone of my existence and the building blocks to my future.
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