Category Archives: happiness

One part water, one part rabbit, one part nuts

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In the 1987 movie “Fatal Attraction” Glenn Close convincingly plays an intelligent, articulate career woman with a penchant for revenge when her love is unrequited.  This was a very politically correct way of describing the insane nature of her character.  Near the pinnacle of her breakdown, Alex, played by Close, breaks into the house belonging to the object of her obsession and basically makes a soup stock out of the family pet.  My friends and I would use the phrase “bunny boiler” for many years to come after seeing this film.

Alarmingly, they do truly exist.  I’ve met some of them.  Perhaps they were not pressured to the point of bringing a pot of water to a scalding boil and stewing the family pet but they seem to wreak havoc in their own mind-boggling ways.  Obsessive behavior runs rampant and the clear and decisive nature of a normal human brain becomes more of a chapter in a research book than anything remotely resembling their reality.

Instinctively, most men can spot these women a mile away.  When the behavior pattern of a woman deviates from her usual likes and dislikes to mirror his – he becomes moderately suspicious.  When she begins randomly showing up in places that he frequents or becomes obsessed with the hobbies or sports he is into – alarm bells begin going off at top decibel.

I have always felt an inkling of sorrow watching these situations unfold.  Being able to remain rational during the beginning stages of a relationship while maintaining your sense of self is difficult.  Maintaining that rationale at the conclusion of that relationship is overwhelming, but it can be done.  Sure you may have wanted, with every fibre of your being, to be a perfect fit for the object of your affection but it doesn’t always work that way.  Relationships are about learning more about yourself and being able to blend your strengths with another person.  Giving up your interests to absorb theirs will only make you lose yourself in the process.

If relationships were easy, we would learn nothing about ourselves and what truly makes us happy.  It is the bumps in the road and those unexpected detours that make us truly think about our ultimate happiness and how much of ourselves we are willing to lose on that journey to self-discovery.   The failure only comes when you are not true to your heart and true to your beliefs.  Becoming something other than your genuine self will only negate the process of discovering that true happiness.

I do believe that I have gained enough wisdom at my age to know when the subject of my attention has a vested interest in the qualities that I possess.  I have learned to be grateful for my wit and intelligence and I have faith that they are qualities that someone will appreciate as they are – not a warped version of them to blend into the color palette of their life instead of my own.  I have finally learned the value of being myself.  It took a while to get here, but the pilgrimage was worth the sacrifices along the way.

With that knowledge in hand, I can go forth into my next relationship knowing that I put my self-worth first and, more importantly, that their pets will be safe from harm.

The French Maid Connection – TrifeXXXtra Challenge

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She could hear movement inside the cabin and, before she could change her mind, she knocked.  The portal opened and they stood face to face.  Although somewhat shocked, he seemed happy to see her.  For a moment nothing was said.  He simply moved out of the entrance.  As she stepped onto the threshold he caught a glimpse of fish net stockings and smiled as he closed the door behind her.

They stood, no words passed between them.  Their eyes remained locked, a gaze of unspoken feelings, and it was he who made the first move.  He casually closed the distance between them and untied the belt of her overcoat.  With trembling fingers he undid the buttons, slowly and deliberately, never wavering from her stare.  Running his hands down either side of the coat he gradually pulled the shroud from her shoulders and his breath caught audibly in his throat.

He was staring intently taking in the black laced bodice, white apron and collar and he could not contain his smile.  She smiled back demurely and bit her lower lip. He leaned over and his lips swept across her mouth.  Her skin reacted to his touch and her cheeks were ablaze with blush.

The desire in his eyes made her melt and his blue eyes bore into her.  His hands gently cupped the sides of her breasts and traveled up to hold her face.  He pulled her closer and, for the first time, their lips met.  The kiss began sweetly, mouths tentatively meeting for the first time, their tongues apprehensively touching but, as the intensity increased, the urgency became overwhelming.

She pulled away first, panting, trying to catch her breath.  He leaned over and once again their lips met, but this time was much more tender and affectionate.  The slow burn of yearning finally erupted and bodies became cloaked under a blanket of heat.  She moved with him in a rhythm she had never known before.

The music of love was written that night.

~~

My 333 words written for the TrifeXXXtra challenge: And now on to a completely different type of prompt. As you may or may not know, November 15 is National Erotica Day.  Trifecta is not an erotica-specific type of place, but we never shy away from a chance to stretch our creative limbs, and we hope you’ll join us as we dive in to celebrate this quirky day. We are asking for an open write this weekend–33 to 333 words of erotic writing.  No specific words need to be used, and we aren’t necessarily banning any either.

Taking the time

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Here is my post for the writing challenge I put up this morning, originally inspired by The Cutter.   See this post for more details if you want to join in the challenge.  El Guapo entered his in the comments section of my earlier post and the link to Janna’s post is below .

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Amy was juggling too many things at one time.  She knew that.  The hours she was spending at the office were eating into her social life and causing a huge strain on her relationship.  She had promised herself she would spend more time at home, be the doting wife she had professed she would be in her vows, but her sunken eyes and dark circles under those eyes did much to disprove her intentions.  She was a workaholic.

As she trudged along the sidewalk to head towards the bus shelter she passed the same store windows she did every day.  She had never really taken notice of what the stores offered because it never occurred to her to care.  The flashing neon signs had never distracted her before but today she decided to lift her head and see what the flashing pink lights were telling her.  Her eyes strained to see the woman behind the counter and she immediately noticed how radiant she seemed.  Amy deviated from her routine and went in.

The first thing that hit her senses was the smell of cheap perfume.   Her favorite Led Zeppelin song, Going to California, was playing in the background so she took it as a good omen.  She had no idea what this place was all about but she felt drawn here so she continued to the counter.

Amy realized her mistake halfway through the makeover.  Her hair had been teased so much it  reminded her of when she was a kid and she created static electricity by rubbing a balloon on her head.  The blue eye shadow and pink blush had been applied so liberally she began to look like Mimi from the Drew Carey show and her red lips would give Angelina Jolie a run for her money.  All she needed now was a spray-tan and a tiny dog in a purse and she could be a Beverly Hills housewife!

Tissue in hand, Amy did her best to remove the offensive pastels and tame her hair into submission.  She left the shop bereft of her dignity and wondered how she would explain the lingering color palette on her face to her husband.  She was only doing it for him.

The bus ride home seemed to take twice as long and, after doing her best to become as infinitesimal as possible on the bus, she was only steps away from home.  She could see the candles flickering through the window and the shadow of her husband moving from room to room.  His movement took her off-guard since he was always comfortably ensconced in his recliner, usually asleep, by the time she got home.

He was there to open the door before she had time to fumble with her keys.  The dulcet notes of The Tenors caressed her ears as she took off her coat.  A medium boat of sushi was on the coffee table and the wine had already been poured.  He understood.  He knew her hard work was for a purpose.  As he leaned in to kiss her his eyes caught a glimpse of the make-up residue.  She simply sighed and shook her head.  He knew her well enough not to ask, wiped off some of the leftover lipstick with his thumb and his lips met hers.

Later, as she began to drift into a peaceful slumber, wrapped in the warmth of his arms, she only had the strength to whisper four words, “I’m taking tomorrow off”.

****

Other stories for the Random Selection:

Good Ol Days – JannaTWrites

Blind Date – The Cutter Rambles

I will not shed a tear

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Dear Stress,

This is the most difficult letter I have ever written.  You have been such a big part of my life and we have shared many moments together.  Through all of the ups and downs you have always been there, waiting to participate in every aspect of my life.

I can’t recall the moment when we first met, or how we developed such a close bond over the years, but throughout every waking moment of my day I always knew you were willing to put in the effort to be by my side.  We became so close that I truly depended on the fact that you would be there with me, shadowing every moment of my day.

Your fastidious nature made it possible for you to delve into every nuance of my life.  It enabled you to invade the inner sanctum of my being and hold fast to the things you knew I held so dear.

It is with a heavy heart that I have to write you this letter.  Living with you has worn me down to a shadow of my former self. During our tumultuous relationship, I have lost a part of myself along the way and I gave you the power to feel superior.  I made you feel like you had won.

I am writing this letter to tell you that I have found something to replace you.  During the journey that you and I have traversed together, I realized that I had feelings for tranquillity. It soothes me in a way that you never could.  It takes the time to understand my feelings but spends more time making me feel relaxed and more like myself.

I wish you the best in your continued journey but I have no place for you in my life.  Our relationship will always be a learning experience for me, but I deserve better.  Good luck in your future relationships with unsuspecting people.

Sincerely,

Susan

~~

This was actually my first post on this blog site, but it seems much more appropriate now!

Show me the way to go home

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“Maybe you had to leave in order to really miss a place; maybe you had to travel to figure out how beloved your starting point was.”  ―  Jodi Picoult, Handle with Care

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I’m almost at the end of my ordeal, which is good because I’m almost at the end of my rope.  It has been 11 days since I have been out of my house due to a horrible wind storm bringing down my power lines.  The work has been done to reconnect the panel and bury my new hydro lines, but I am now waiting on the administrative portion of the process to ensue before I can have power restored and finally move back into my house.  I don’t care if it looks like this when I return – I just want to go home.

winter

The process, from start to almost finish, has been a real experience.  (It was difficult to type that last sentence without using some really good expletives.)  Although my electrician has explained to my insurance company the value of burying the new wires underground to alleviate any more claims in the future, the insurance company will only cover the dollar value of replacing the existing above-ground power supply.  $$

Because HydroOne insisted on have a schematic of the trench where the lines would be buried (which was veritably a straight line) this delayed the process by 5 days and I had to remove and dispose of the contents of my fridge and freezer.  $$

After a call to HydroOne this morning to find out when they could restore my power, I was sent a contract (with the wrong name and address, mind you) and was told that I now have to pay them $325.00 before they will even come to my house to restore power because I upgraded my equipment.  $$  I have had several people do work at my house and I don’t recall EVER paying those contractors until the job was completed.

After lowering my blood pressure and after the anger subsided, I could still feel a pang of unrest in my stomach.  That familiar feeling I had as a child had reared its head again and I felt homesick.  Send me the fucking bill, with my name on it this time, get some employees out to my house and please turn my power back on.  I just want to go home.

Caffeine Deity – Trifextra challenge

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Rulers of space, controllers of destiny – you will appreciate me more than most, for all of your senses will drink me in. Affairs of humanity are best served when Buddha’s cup is full.

coffee-buddha-falko-follert

Written for the weekend Trifecta Challenge: Buddhist cosmology tells of Trāyastriṃśa, or the Heaven of Thirty-Three gods, which rule over the human realm.  This weekend we’re asking for exactly 33 of your own
words about a god of your own devising that shares heaven with the other thirty-two gods.  Make it yours and have fun with it

(image credit: fineartamerica.com)

Focusing on the positive

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The last couple of days have been stressful, to say the least.  My puppy and I are still currently residing in one of the rooms at the lodge where I work and there is still some work to be done at my house before it is safe to move back in and have the power restored.

It’s been frustrating and I feel, in a way, like I have been taking advantage of my employers (they assure me otherwise).  I have spoken to a least eight Hydro One employees to try to rectify my situation and, after several trips circling the drain and not getting a straight answer, I think we finally have it sorted out.

But as I sit here in a warm room with the football game on the television, I realize that things could have been much worse.  My house could have burned down and I could have been left in the cold with no roof over my head or friends to lend me shelter.  Life really is about focusing on the positive.

I went for a walk this morning with my puppy and the blue sky and sunshine helped to clear any of the remaining negative thoughts that may have been residing in my brain – remnants of my adventures this weekend.  The cloud in the picture below hovered above us and the way the sun shone on the small formation at the top, it illuminated the shape to look like Pac-Man.  That ethereal icon continued to eat his way through the clouds until nothing was left but an expansive view of pure blue sky.  Only a strange ghost-eating fragment of my youth could have been the catalyst that made me focus on the good.  It made me see the positive which was otherwise temporarily masked by a shroud of looming clouds.

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The sky in my mind once again matches the blue of the sky outside.  Once I remembered to focus on the good things in my life, the rest of it all but washed away.

I wish

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I wish I were certain.  I can’t quite put my finger on it.  I’ve only just shaken hands with you, shared pleasantries, but there is more to you.    I feel a depth, like looking into a memory but I just can’t place you.  There is a sudden feeling of kinship and camaraderie and I am immediately at ease.  We fall into a conversation like we have been doing that very thing for years.  I wish I were prepared for this.

We spend time together, we laugh like old friends and we share inside jokes.  Your smile engages me.  I am unable to pull my eyes from yours.  I wish I were able to pinpoint the moment you crept into my heart – the moment that I saw you differently and couldn’t take my eyes off of you. I want to realize that moment and hold onto it for all eternity.  My mind whirls with thoughts of where we could be now had we had these moments so many years ago.

My days are not consumed with thoughts of you but you insinuate yourself into random moments of my day and I can’t help but smile. There is an easiness about being around you.  Your laughter is infectious to me.  The twinkle in your eyes warms me.  I am myself with you.

I wish I were able to quell this feeling.  I wish I were able to push you to the recesses of my thoughts but you invade my reality.  You stir my feelings and you haunt my desires.

How easy it would be to fall into your arms and feel safe there.  How easy it would be to get lost in your eyes and float on the sound of your laughter.  How easy it would be to want to never let you go.

How I wish I were able to include you in my forever.

The ripple effect

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(image credit: singerlearning.com)

Every action in life creates a ripple effect.  Whether that ripple effect is as visible to the naked eye as a drop of water in a pond or is so infinitesimal that it is unseen by the human eye there is always a reaction.  We learned it in Grade 11 Physics and the theory is as true today as it was then.   By now our interpretation of that same ripple effect may be broadened. It may not just encompass that drop of water but a drop of energy into the pool of existence.  The end result may dissipate in strength by the time it reaches its destination but it will still create waves on its way to the shore and alter the state of nature as we observe it.

For everything a human being says or does a ripple is created in the universe and that ripple, unbeknownst to you, may affect many more pools of reality than you originally intended.  It brings to mind the old adage – think before you speak.  You may never comprehend the consequence of your words and what reaction may be created, first or second-hand, but the words still have the power to change the tidal pool of various ponds.

Many of the problems we face are essentially man-made.  There are certainly elements out of our control but what if we put forth the effort to regain some of that control?  What could happen if we invested our time and energy in something positive and sent that energy out in waves?  A drop of human kindness or empathy can spread like the circles created by that original bead of water into the larger body of aquatic energy and send that same wave in directions you never thought possible.

Make the power of the ripple effect work for you…..send positive energy and watch it expand as the ripple gets larger on the water.  Know that the good energy you put out there will be shared by more than just the one person you bestowed that energy upon. Your positive energy may ripple into a pond of people who you didn’t even know existed but they will eventually benefit from that one good vibe that you put forth.

A simple smile or a kind word – send the ripple…..and you could potentially change the way those waves reach other shores of lakes that you never knew existed.

Fragments of myself

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I have been reflecting a lot lately – looking back at the phases of my life where I defined myself in terms of my relationships with other people.  I even introduced myself with those titles.  I was always a daughter, a sister, a step-mom, a wife (now ex-wife) and it has only been recently that I have begun to describe myself in terms of who I really am – me.

All of those monikers are still a big part of who I am, or was, but they are only pieces of my bigger puzzle.  I have found new ways to describe myself that truly incorporate the essence of me and not just how my being relates to other people.  After years of missing the most integral part of who I am, I have found the proper words to define myself.

puzzle-pieces

(image credit: loridennis.com)

In the past, I had deconstructed myself and put smaller pieces of me into everyone else’s puzzle.  I was happy to be the daughter or the sister.  I didn’t feel lost nor did I feel any sense of being an incomplete person.  I merely slipped into the shadows of the lives around me.  I became an extension of them and the fault of that circumstance was all mine.

After many months of contemplative thought I have become aware of a new sense of self – a confidence to simply extend my hand and introduce myself with only my name.  There is no longer a follow-up delineation of how I relate to anyone other than myself.  I am, in the simplest of definitions, me.

Those fragments of myself constitute a big part of my life but they are no longer words I use to acquaint myself with anyone new in my life.  Eventually those pieces of my puzzle will fall into their rightful place but that place is not the definition of who I am.