Category Archives: hope

Has anyone seen my patience? I seem to have lost it.

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I used to be a very patient person.  I was never fidgety while waiting in a line.  I knew my turn would come eventually and I was okay with that.

As the years have passed, I now understand where my mother was coming from when she used to say  “my patience is wearing thin”.  Perhaps it is somehow a right of passage that we are less apt to wait today than we may have been a couple of decades ago.  My patience these days resembles something like the onion-skin paper we used to trace pictures when we were in high school.

There are still moments when I am okay to wait, moments that are fleeting and that I know will pass relatively quickly.  But I am currently caught in a circumstance where I feel completely helpless and have no choice but to sit back and wait for information to come to me.  I feel horribly powerless and that is not a feeling I am accustomed to experiencing.

hurry up and wait

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It’s hard to let go.  It’s difficult to convince myself that things are going well at the other end when my imagination continues to conjure hundreds of possible scenarios.  And my lack of patience only fuels the fire of anxiety as I am forced to bide my time until I get some news.

Until then, I shall consume myself with projects to try to keep myself busy enough so I can quell the even more impatient creative writers in my head.  My own restlessness is hard enough to deal with….they will make this waiting period intolerable.

 

 

Wait for the feathers

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“Some days you’re the pigeon, some days you’re the statue.” ~ J. Andrew Taylor

Pigeon-on-Statue

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Many of our days are inherently better than others.  On those precious days we are the pigeon.  We are free to fly, the wind lifts us and lets us soar and we feel like nothing can bring us down.  We are above all of the little problems that life presents.  We gain strength and power as we fly.  We are able to stop when we want to and simply observe life at its best from a lofty perch, but we are also able to spread our wings and rise even higher on the warm currents of life.

Some days, however, that magical wind seems non-existent and our wings seem to fail.  On those days, we are the statue.   We are a solid mass under the weight of our own problems.  We feel like we are stuck and there is no room to move.  We feel stagnant and are rooted in our place, only able to watch life pass us by and not feel like we can participate.  We are heavy with worry and cemented by fear, feeling like the world is doing nothing but looking at us and simply passing us by.

On the days we are the pigeon we have to remember to empathize with the statue.  And on the days we are the statue we have to revel in the thought of what it is like to be the pigeon.  To truly embrace all of life, we have to be willing to see it from the perspective of the bird and the bust.  We have to understand that life is not always going to let us soar but we are never going to be stuck in one place for long if we break free of the mold we created for ourselves.

Life will ground us.  It will root us in our place until it sees fit to allow us the capacity to fly once again.  And in those moments that we feel fixed in a certain spot in our lives, we just need to wait for those feathers to grow large enough to carry us into our next chapter.

Make a wish

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pyramid-of-khafre

The pyramid that represents my desires is simple.  Each wish is placed with careful consideration.  Each moment of hope is used as mortar in the cracks.  And at the pinnacle of that prism is the cherished knowledge that I dared to dream.

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Holding on to strength

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worry-zdralea-ioana

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”
― Corrie Ten Boom

~~

It is easy to tell someone not to worry.  I am guilty of doing that very thing on an extremely frequent basis and in many different circumstances.  Recently, I have become much more aware of how redundant that statement can be and how little it does to alleviate the concern of the person doing the worrying.

Worry is a big part of the human condition.  We spend countless hours stressing about the things we cannot foresee, cannot control and cannot change.  We are designed to be thinkers, to be problem-solvers, and in those brief moments that we are left without an answer or a contingency plan we submerge under the waves of the unknown.

For as much as I try to not unsettle myself with things out of my control, today was a glaring reminder of how quickly worry can overtake us and truly drain us of our strength.  There is a small path in the carpet in my office where I paced back and forth.  There is an emptiness in my stomach where nourishment should have found its place, but didn’t.  And there is a dull ache in my temple from the inescapable habit of clenching my jaw when I am apprehensive.

Today worry was the cat and I was the feeble mouse.  I was victim to its cunning and could do nothing more than to hide in the metaphorical corner and play dead, hoping that the insidious predator would leave me alone.

Now I sit, writing this post with a slightly more peaceful feeling than I had earlier today.  Worry still beckons, the concerns of tomorrow still evident, but it holds much less power now than it did earlier today.  I have regained some of my tenacity so I can face tomorrow with a new courage.

Worry may be strong but I am stronger.

~~

image credit: Worry by Zdralea Ioana – http://www.fineartamerica.com

Job fairs and being able to form a sentence

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Things have changed drastically since I was a young teenager propelling myself into the work force.  I was a go-getter when I was young.  I had procured my first job at the age of twelve by walking into the store, relatively well-dressed for a kid my age, and handed over a resume that I had proudly written in cursive.  That piece of paper included absolutely no formal job experience besides babysitting but they could not resist my enthusiasm and my charm and I was hired on the spot to be a cashier and stock girl in a small, family run vegetable market.

Yesterday, I had cause to be at a job fair at the local high school.  Without going into scandalous detail, the outfits and the lack of eye contact or direct communication was overwhelming.  We did meet some wonderful candidates who presented themselves extremely well but the ones who stick out the most, sadly, are not the ones who inspired this post and, respectfully, they will not be the subject matter for the remainder of it.

Job-Fair-2

Mumblers and those who completely avoided eye contact aside, I was impressed by the level of maturity shown by some of the students who stopped by our desk.  They introduced themselves, some shook our hands and they asked questions about our lodge.  Sure, some of the outfits were not truly conducive to obtaining gainful employment but I had to cut them some slack.  They shuffled out of their high school classes because their attendance was required by the school.  For those who took the fair a little more sincerely, they arrived with resumes in hand and fully willing to take the day seriously.

I still maintain a modicum of hope for the future generations.  Notwithstanding the applicants who had their parents apply for them, I think we found some keepers!

 

 

 

 

 

 

The invisible sentinels

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moon

In the wee, small hours of morning,

your concern makes my nerves fray.

Distance creates questions,

that hang in the air unanswered

facial expressions unable to be read,

worry unable to be alleviated.

If I could reach out,

touch your arm for the briefest second,

perhaps that contact would help.

It may ease my worry,

and just maybe it would let you know,

that you never have to face your fear alone.

There is an army behind you,

charging into battle with you,

always there, ready to fight.

I did not go gentle

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000donotgogentle

My love,

I did not go gentle into that good night.

I lingered on the precipice,

holding tight to the memories of the warmth of my days.

My life played like a movie before my eyes,

and it was beautiful.

I couldn’t bear to leave you.

I raged against that white light and held fast to you.

I walk in your footsteps and hear all the words I should have been able to listen to,

words that should have fallen on my ears while you were in my arms.

I float on the words you speak to me, words you are unsure I hear.

I am still with you.

I am the air that dries your tears.

I am the breeze that tickles the wind chimes you love so much.

The sound of your laughter makes me feel alive again.

I did not go gentle into that good night.

I chose to stay with you.

***

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The cookie crumbles that way for a reason

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karma

There are several familiar expressions that humankind uses to describe the same outcome. Whether it be “Live by the sword, die by the sword” or “what goes around, comes around”, they converge on each other and intertwine to form a common thread that we all weave into our lives.  That common thread is called Karma.

Karma is part of the law of “cause & effect” and it chooses how and when to seek its retribution or favor.  It may come back to surprise you in a swift and effective charge, it may linger in the shadows and creep in when you least expect it, or, if you believe in reincarnation, it may make its presence known in your next lifetime.  Regardless of when it chooses to expose itself, it will seek you out and place its law gently at your feet.

It can be calculating and manipulative or favorable when it wants to be, and the words used to describe it may best define the actions that led Karma to finding you in the first place.

Karma is not a superstitious hypothesis.  I believe we each create our own luck, be it good or bad.  Karma is energy, a life force that gains its momentum from the vibrations we put out into the world.   And it is not just about negative energy and paybacks.  Karma works just as well on the opposite side of the energy spectrum.  Good deeds done selflessly tend to have Karma smile favorably upon us as opposed to hunting us like wounded prey and going in for the kill.

The Golden Rule, or as I discovered another name, The Ethic of Reciprocity – is this, do unto others as you would have done to you.  It is such a simple string of words with such a profound outcome.  And, as this is the year that I vowed to give back, I am putting my good karmic vibrations into the atmosphere and have been receiving those positive vibrations back in spades.

Karma has been very generous in its intention to show me that it appreciates my efforts.  And I can only continue to grow my relationship with that Ethic of Reciprocity and hope that I can keep paying that generosity forward.

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Good things come to those who wait

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mouse

The snap of the spring echoed throughout the house.  Nervous whiskers twitched as big eyes peered from the hole in the floorboard.  A lone piece of cheddar sat untouched on the trap.  The second mouse pilfered the cheese without the slightest hesitation.

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