Category Archives: solitude

The sounds of solace

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Even through the most troubling of times, there is something inherently soothing about music. The dulcet tones relieve the pressure that reality compounds and the rhythm can make the most difficult situations bearable.

I love most types of music but the sounds I find most comforting during difficult times are the harmonic blends of The Tenors. The uplifting tones of their four part harmony bathe me in a warm glow and bring me out of the dark tunnel. The joy they find in singing allows me a moment to pause and rejoin the beauty in the world.

The timbre in their notes carries me to a place of serenity and I am embraced by a feeling of peace. It amazes me how quickly the stress is assuaged and washed over by a wave of calm by simply allowing the pacifying effect of the notes soothe my soul.

As my mom watches the tiny television from her hospital bed, four Canadian Tenors are alleviating my current reality momentarily by singing their lullabies to me. Let the music of life play on.

The well has run dry

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dry well

(image credit: gamertherapist.com)

I have been writing this blog since August 1st and in that time I have had, it seems, quite a bit to say.  But lately I find myself running out of steam when it comes to the verbosity I have enjoyed and I am struggling for ideas to write about.  The well of idioms has run dry.

I have really cherished the hours spent putting my thoughts into written form and receiving feedback from all of you that are faithful readers, those who have become friends and those that happen by every now and then.  It is with a bit of a heavy heart that I have decided to no longer continue this journey.  With the busy season fast approaching at work, I don’t want to put mediocre words to a page just to fill a space.

If the urge strikes me to write, I may put something on Facebook every now and then, but the challenge of coming up with ideas is becoming a little too much.  Thank you all for following me through this journey and I want to leave you with one last thought from the creative vault:

April Fool’s.

See you tomorrow!!

Pieces of Me

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Taking the day off yesterday was just what the doctor ordered.   I had put my faith in Mother Nature to provide some sun for my entertainment, but she must have been busy shining elsewhere.  Left to my own devices, I decided to delve into the creative aspects of my life that I have shelved for too many years.  Writing is a cathartic and brilliant way to release the thoughts in my head, but getting back into a tactile artistic passion that seems to have been forgotten was a great way to spend the afternoon.

I used to love calligraphy when I was in high school and I was always doing one form of craft or another, so a cloudy afternoon was spent indoors with some paint, some brushes and a piece of wood.  I had been trying for a while to set aside some time to create a new sign for the end of my driveway and yesterday inspiration struck and creativity flowed.  This is the beginning of the sign that I hope to finish today.

new sign

In getting back into the crafty aspect of myself, I found a piece of me that had been missing.  I began to realize how many of those small enjoyments I have been ignoring over the years because I was letting work and the needs of others take priority.  I vowed to myself that I will start to put my needs first and make time to do the things that I enjoy.  I only get to live this life once and I don’t want to look back with regret wondering why I let my life pass me by and I didn’t participate as much as I could.  I don’t want to be on the sidelines doing things for other people and not be in the game.

Today is a beautiful, sunny day and I will be on my deck wrapped in a warm sweater with a paint brush in my hand.  Today I’m back in the game.

Where did I go?

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Perhaps it is the late arrival of Spring weather and the snow still blanketing my lawn.  Or perhaps it’s the amount of work I have piled on my desk that seems to keep accumulating.  Regardless of the reason, I don’t feel like myself.  I don’t feel any impending sense of doom, I just feel like I’m suffocating, drowning in the things that are going on around me and I can’t seem to come up for air.

It’s a disturbing feeling for me.  I’ve always been the one to hit things head on and face each challenge as it comes.  I’ve never wallowed in self-doubt or self-pity, but these last few weeks have painted an Picasso-like portrait of a person quite different from the paint-by-numbers picture I’ve seen in the mirror all my life.  Each day I would fill in the missing colors and paint the spots with the hue that best represents my mood.   Generally the colors were bright and cheerful.

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I thought I was back on the path to being myself again on Sunday after sitting on my deck and soaking up some sun for an hour.  As I lazily looked up into the afternoon sky, the ring around the sun seemed to reflect my feeling of something lurking out there, waiting to descend.  The old saying goes “ring around the sun or moon, means snow or rain are coming soon”.  One quick look at the weather forecast confirms possible accumulation of 2 cm of snow on my birthday.

I am hoping the anticipated appearance of Spring will happen soon.  Once the aroma of freshly awakened earth and the sound of spring birds start to permeate the air, I am confident that my mood will sing and soar with those birds.

If anyone has any nice spring weather you can spare – I’d be happy to send you my address.  🙂

Putting some life back in my life

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I finally took my own advice.  I threw caution to the wind and ignored the voices in my head telling me to go in to work on a Sunday to try to get caught up.  Instead, I took my mom out shopping, chopped the rest of the snow and ice from my deck and am about to embark on a lazy afternoon sitting in the very welcome sunshine.  Perhaps I will find myself with my Kindle in one hand and a glass of wine in the other.  My options are limitless.  I may even dig out my fire pit and recreate this lovely scene below.  There is nothing better than coming inside after a day of fresh air and smelling like freshly burned wood.

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Those inner voices are now quieted (with some well placed duct tape) and my head is free of disruptions.  I have always had a difficult time silencing those inner distractions and letting myself just relax and enjoy the day, but I’m taking back control of my thoughts.  Today is a day I put some real life back into my life and breath in the fresh spring air, feel the warmth of the sun kissing my cheeks and watch the day go by from the comfort of my deck chair.

Happy Sunday everyone!

The Days I need to learn to forget

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Life moves at a million miles an hour.  And so many times I feel engulfed by its pace and overwhelmed by the many things I have to balance on a daily basis. It feels like several days attack me all at once, but I have to learn to step back and change the pace of that onslaught.

There are always two days in every week that I should learn to ignore.  With everything I have going on in my life, these two days do nothing to help me live in the moment.  Yesterday and tomorrow always weigh heavily on me and distract me from the here and now.  I focus too much on what I didn’t accomplish yesterday and think forward too often about what is waiting for me tomorrow and I forget to live in the present.

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(image courtesy of babydearlyn.blogspot.com)

I need to embrace each day as an opportunity to live life to the fullest and accept whatever challenges may face me on that one day.  There is no sense in worrying about what tomorrow will bring, because I will never truly know that.  And  there is no point in reliving yesterday, because it is over.  I cannot change the past.  It will reflect itself in my present, sure, but I can choose how much power I give to that reflection.

I need to lay yesterday to rest and not consume myself with thoughts of tomorrow.  I must give myself permission to meet the obligations and promise of each day with an open mind and an open heart.  One day at a time will let me absorb all of the life that day has to give without being consumed by the days that lay behind or lay ahead.  Those days, I cannot change.

My favorite saying (and my email address in short form) is Carpe Diem – Seize the Day.  Life happens – there is nothing I can do to stop the moving freight train of time and only I can choose how I ride that train.  I can look out behind me and see where I’ve been, I can look ahead and ponder where I am headed, or I can embrace the vibration of the life flowing through the train and live in the moment. The choice is mine.

Today, I am making the conscious choice to forget all of the things I didn’t accomplish at work yesterday.  I cannot go back and do anything differently.  Today, I am making a concerted effort not to think about the fact that I will be sitting  in my office on Sunday catching up on the paperwork that has eluded me this week.  Today, I am going to empty sap from the buckets hanging from those towering Maple trees.  Today I am going to shovel the remains of Mother Nature’s perverse sense of humor from my deck and sit in the sun with a glass of wine in my hand.  Today, I am going to live only for today.

How will you live your day today?

Excuse me, I’m trying to scurry here….

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The Daily Prompt has asked this question: Do parties and crowds fill you with energy, or send you scurrying for peace and quiet?

When I was younger crowds never bothered me.  I went to concerts and enjoyed the combined energy that only a crowd could produce.  But as I’ve gotten older, I have achieved an extreme level of distaste for feeling like a turtle caught in a school of fish.

turtle-amongst-school-of-fish

(photo credit: twistedsifter.com)

That mass of people who hurtle themselves in all directions seem to have no awareness of those around them and give me the sense that I have lost control of my own trajectory.  Malls are especially unsettling for me and I avoid them like the plague, especially during the holidays.  Although there is greater risk of credit cards being compromised with the advancement of hacker technology, I am happy to sit in the comfort of my own home and shop online for those gifts that cannot be purchased locally.

A small party with an intimate group of friends is bliss.  I tend to relax and am able to be myself, allowing my goofy personality to take center stage and I feel more comfortable asserting my need to be the life of the party.  That assertion becomes non-existent in large groups and I get a growing sense of discomfort feeling like that lost turtle again.

Give me a subdued night with good friends, good food and good wine any day.  My life now is about developing those close relationships with people who matter to me.  I don’t miss the feeling of being a pinball in an arena sized game and playing hide and seek with friends in a crowd of 20,000 people.

My life is a romantic comedy, minus the romance

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Romance_Is_In_The_Air_2_by_welshdragon

(photo credit: hdw.eweb4.com)

For the past few months, I have been inspired by the genius idea from one Mr. Edward Hotspur.  He has encouraged us to write about romance, whether it is poetry, short fiction or a personal reflection.  I love everything that romance embodies, but the posts I have written that were spurred on by the Monday challenge were all pulled from the vault of my memories, fond recollections or wishes for the future.  My life, although loosely resembling a romantic comedy, currently contains no romance.

My daily existence does round out the rest of the requirements for the romantic comedy.  I’ve got some unique personality traits that could create a funny story line, I’ve got some quirky friends that make an appearance every few episodes, I have a job that allows me some creative material and a dog that could steal the show.

Living in a small town doesn’t afford too many opportunities to stumble upon romance.  I’ve caved a couple of times and tried online dating sites to see who may be lurking out there, but even the sights that promise to deliver matches based on specific traits that I have listed as important seem to fish in the shallow end of that dating pool.  I’m amazed at some of the “matches” that are sent my way and the online romantic search ends before it really begins.  Even though I have moments of bravery thinking I will give it another shot, I recall this experience and run, screaming, away from my laptop.

Although I’m fine being on my own, I find inspiration in the stories and poetry I read on this blog site written by strangers and by new friends.  They are happy to shout their romantic thoughts and experiences and it makes me want to continue the quest for that ever elusive romance.  The dream of him is still alive and I will continue to hold that dream close.  If we don’t embrace the darkness, we will never be able to see the stars.

Ethereal beauty

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Mother Nature can be a divine creature.  Every day she amazes us with her beauty and she presents us with images that may last for only a visual moment, but they are able to be photographed and conjured up at the click of a button.  Technology helps us hold those moments and preserve them to be enjoyed again.  These are some of the beautiful images I was presented with yesterday.  Although I was having reservations about Mother Nature’s sanity, she has restored my faith in her.

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I love the sunlight shining from behind the clouds.

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The sky changed so quickly in a matter of minutes.

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Although the cold temperatures are back, the clouds look like they are on fire.

Morning is broken

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As the days get warmer I have a renewed sense of faith in nature, but the person responsible for daylight savings time has a very perverse sense of humor.  I know the typical lyrics of the song are “Morning has broken”, but in my case, sitting in my living room at 6:00 am, that is not the case. Morning seems to be broken. The blackness that swallowed my house in the night still holds these four walls in its confines and my outside world is invisible.

black  (this is a photo of my front lawn taken with no flash….isn’t it beautiful?)

After several cups of coffee and much patience, that darkness gives way to the day and the world is brought to life again.  When the sun finally graces the sky in our hemisphere, its heat seems to increase in intensity each day.  The dank smell of dirt pushing its way through the melting snow permeates my nose and the morning darkness no longer holds the same power it once had.  Light breathes life into the day and the earth stretches and yawns.

Soon the mornings will become brighter and rising to greet the day will require much less effort.  The days will become longer and the seasonal creatures will poke their heads from hibernation to inhabit the freshly revealed landscapes.  Blades of grass will breathe deeply after being suffocated under the weight of the snow, flowers will bloom and allergens will perform their invisible dance .

Within the morning darkness, the promise of spring awaits.